tgammage Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 I was married for 18 years to a man I truely loved but after he left me at home to play golf alot and would pay for golf and not buy bread we had to kids, I got bored. I got tired of doing without, so I left him but before I did I made a mistake and slept with someone I told him.I have regreted that for a very long time but after that I married a guy two years later who was wonderful to me but he was a alcoholic I learned after I married him. I didnt truely love him I did it for the money to raise my kids and also because he was so good to me. I was still in love with my ex. we still slept together off and on through my marriage my husband was drunk all the time .My husband died 2 years after I married him of alcoholism. I took great care of him I was good to him but I did sleep with my ex.now my husband has been dead for 2 1/2 years I have been sleeping with my ex this whole time all of a sudden he doesnt call me for a week I find out he is dateing someone, Im out of my mind I think back on what I did and knew I would never had done that to him after I had learned my lesson the first time. I didnt call him at all for 3 weeks now all of a sudden he comes over and wants to have sex and tells me he is not happy with the other woman he doesnt like her attiude and is going to tell her he is in love with me, I did not sleep with him thank god because the next day I call him ask him if he told the other woman he is coming back to me he tells me he didnt say that he wants to talk to her about her attiude?Im mixed up? I have did some bad things I regret and its taken a long time to forgive myself after asking god to forgive me, but I dont understand why I love him? Please help me understand what he really feels and am I there just as his whore? Do I deserve this as punishment? signed Lost
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