QuiteReceptive Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Ok, many have read my previous posts, but my husband and I are now seperated, divorce is to be finalized in two months. It was an amicable breakup, but we really got into an odd argument, when he asked "Was I not enough man for you?" Ok, now I might have taken the above comment the wrong way...but men please share your thoughts on this. Honestly, my gut response was "As a contributing factor, most likely..." meaning that I did get quite frustrated all thoughtout our marriage at how feminine he was. He was never jealous, could care less who I spoke to on the phone, lunch dates with male counterparts - no problem, I would admit to him when someone I worked with came on to me yet he still "allowed" me to speak with this individual, and even meet him for lunch at times, driving to another city to spend the weekend with a male co-worker for a BBQ because I didn't want to be alone one weekend "sure honey, have fun..." (I didn't actually do this one, but asked to envoke a response). Don't most men find this a bit odd? I have to say, I pushed the limits just waiting for him to get pissed off at me, and never once was he truly upset I even stated to him when our marriage was first on the rocks that I slept in another man's hotel room to avoid the roomate I had in my hotel room during a company meeting -- he seemed bothered, but simply stated "Well, as long as he wasn't in there..." When we were married I was so confused by the above "lack of action or concern" on his part...could he be gay? We actually went an entire 9 months without sex before I confronted him with divorce and he honestly was ok with it. Oh, and I know for a fact he is not having an affair, I monitor everything and he works from home, and my hours are so flexible that I am home at a drop of a hat if I wish to be. That, and he is still fighting the divorce... Responses....??
Order & Chaos Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Did you ever just bring it up and talk to him than just testing him? My husband was similar, though I didn't push it like that, but it was more about his social anxiety winning out over any jealousy issues. But even now in therapy he just doesn't seem to have those feelings. Not sure, though probably is, tied to his depression and low self esteem. I will admit it did allow us to develop separate lives though it also was a huge support structure for me to advance in my career. A more controlling man would have caused more static about the hours I was needing to work. Why do you think these characteristics are feminine? I wouldn't say they are gender related.
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