kizik Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Hi folks, yesterday marked a month after my break-up and it was almost just as bad as the days immediately following the break-up. I was so down, I fantasized about killing myself. MIND YOU I would never do it. *Don't be alarmed or report me!* But the point is, I thought about how all my old friends, family and now ex-girlfriend would feel. They would all say they should have done more, should have been there for me. So, I feel very much alone in this world, despite the fact that I love myself and am slowly building my self esteem back up. I have made some great connections on this site, and I want to thank a number of people for being there for me. But I'm online today, and no one is around... I assume you're all at work... as I am. But the boss is out for the day and I'm slacking So how is everyone's progress? I am been SO tempted to break NC. But this girl broke my heart... I just need encouragement and support from y'all. Thanks, kizik
Nevermind Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Hey kizik, it's Friday night at 10 pm and I am at home. *sigh* What would you tell her if you contacted her?
foxh1234 Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Hey man, I'm in the same boat. I just typed out an email to my ex and stared at it for 10-15 minutes rereading it and changing the wording. I moved the mouse over the send button and left it there. I thought about everything I have been through and I quickly deleted it and shut mail down. I will not contact her, I was very f**king close, but I didn't do it. Alot of us are in this situation and you are never alone man.
Author kizik Posted June 6, 2008 Author Posted June 6, 2008 NM- I have no idea what I'd say to her. I just want to know she thinks about me. Fox- A big congrats from me to you on NOT sending that email. That must have been quite a struggle to resist sending it. And think about you sweating it, wondering about if she's gonna respond, what she'll say, etc. NC eliminates these worries, while making one feel lonely. Thanks for your responses, guys.
Nevermind Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Then don't write her. I don't fully buy the no-contact rule, if there is a reason for contact, write. But knowing what they are thinking about us...won't help us. If she loves you...what does it help you? You said your relationship wasn't good anymore. If she hates you..you will feel even worse. What are you doing besides work these days?
Author kizik Posted June 6, 2008 Author Posted June 6, 2008 Good points NM. Thanks. Besides work, I am playing open mics on my guitar, writing songs about heartbreak (good ones, though, no cliched BS) and I'm in school. I've gotten plenty to keep me busy, but few friends.
motive2002 Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 edit - wrong thread! How's it goin kizik? Weather here kinda sucks this week, doesn't it?
Nevermind Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Same here, more or less. I am making plans for semestre break, maybe I'll go and walk the Way of St James in Spain. I lived close to Santiago for a year with my ex, and I think it would be nice to walk all my useless thoughts away and get inspiration. I am taking up poetry again...but it's been years since I tried and the words seem so liveless and unnatural still. Are you out socializing more to find friends?
sunshinegirl Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Yeah, please don't break NC. I have not been tempted to contact my ex, however almost as bad is that I am friends with his best friend and in a moment of weakness yesterday pumped him for information about the ex. I'm actually glad now that the best friend resisted because really, what good would it do me to know anything about the hooch or how happy he is with her or how he never mentions me or doesn't care what happened or blah blah blah? So - stay strong. Keep posting if you need to.
JustPassingThru Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Hey Kizik, I'm in the same boat as well. Exept I broke NC last night while being drunk. *doh! Sent her a text telling her I missed her. I'm so ashamed of myself... Anyway, it's 1:38 PM and I'm still laying in bed, feeling lifeless. Stay strong, there's nothing to gain through reaching out.
Author kizik Posted June 6, 2008 Author Posted June 6, 2008 JPT, no reason to be ashamed. Everyone slips up, and texting an ex isn't even necessarily a slip up. Side note: we at LS are so into advice, but let's not forget that there is no one way of dealing with a breakup. Meaning that texting someone, for instance, isn't inherently a bad thing. Just something that happened. JPT, get outta bed, take a shower, and go for a walk! Though it is a bit cloudy here in the NW (right motive?).
0hpenelope Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Hang in there, JPT. Sometimes, just because you feel like doing something doesn't mean you have to do it. It's how I deal with my whole "I miss Lawrence" urges. :shrug: I want to. But I want to not contact him more. That... makes all the difference.
replicator Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Hey Kizik, I can completely relate to you. Actually, I broke NC and sent her a short email yesterday, telling her that I will always love her, and that I am not angry with her. I don't know why I sent it. She never responded, but I told her I didn't want her to respond so I guess I got what I asked for. I really did want to hear from her. I know it shouldn't matter what she thinks, but she was the one most important thing in my life. She made everything in my life worthwhile. I've had the same fantasies as you. I would never kill myself, but I've ruminated how she would react if I had. Letting go requires so much discipline and strength, I doubt there is anything more difficult than this. I've been through a lot, but nothing comes close to the pain of loving someone so much, who suddenly doesn't seem to feel the same way. Whatever happens, I think we can only come out stronger. I realize that I'm trying to hold onto something that is already gone, and this hope is only keeping me trapped in the past. Regardless of whether or not I accept the situation, I have a dull knife in my heart and I'm bleeding. I have a choice to pull it out, and try to heal the wound, or I can leave it in there and hope that it will go away. I know I have to deal with the situation head on now and can' t make any more illusions.
borelandkaren Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Yeah, please don't break NC. I have not been tempted to contact my ex, however almost as bad is that I am friends with his best friend and in a moment of weakness yesterday pumped him for information about the ex. I'm actually glad now that the best friend resisted because really, what good would it do me to know anything about the hooch or how happy he is with her or how he never mentions me or doesn't care what happened or blah blah blah? So - stay strong. Keep posting if you need to. Oh yeah! I relate so well to this, Sunshine! I don't even know if Tony has anyone else in his life now but I'm close to his auntie (by marriage) and she will not tell me a thing. All I want is a snippet but she won't give it up! What good will it do me anyway? And my reality is that I know this bloke is not good for me. Sooo.....it doesn't stop me wondering though. I spoke to a friend from Adelaide this morning and he answered the phone with, " Hi Tony. How are ya mate?" I said to him, "No, it's Karen" and he almost died and told me he hasn't changed the names in the phone. I've now decided that I can have no contact with anyone (bar his auntie) who was mutual to both of us. They all ask me if I've spoken to him or behave as though I'm going to expose them for something. I think the reality is that they all have an underlying idea of who he is but because he's there and I'm here, they have to see him from time to time and it's easier to be nice. If only they knew the real truth (I think this all the time!!!!!!!!) but it's a lot easier to deal with lies obviously. The blokes wouldn't let him go near wives and daughters if they knew. Oh well.......
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