trulysomething Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Of the couples in your life? I live in a flat with 2 girls. One has a long distance relationship (although making plans to move in with him in a few months) and the other has a really social awkward boyfriend who hangs out in our living room always less than 2 feet from her...even while cooking! If I had a nickel for everytime they both spoke about wonderful their boyfriends are, and that they have the best men around, I'd be an incredibly wealthy woman! I can barely STAND to hear them talk about their men. I'm happy for them, I really am....but I wish they'd cut the boyfriend chatter!! Anyone else feel this way?
kizik Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Yep, it's very annoying. I have been very keenly aware of how dependent people are on their lovers. People think they are nothing without having someone else. I bought into that sh*t too. We live in a culture that really puts an importance in being in a relationship. "My boyfriend!" blah blah blah I'm f*cking disgusted, actually.
sunshinegirl Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 I go back and forth. In previous breakups I couldn't STAND to be around coupled-up friends. I had to be in a few weddings post-breakup and it was awful. With this breakup, though, I am actually drawing some strength by seeing healthy couples around me. I see the qualities the husbands/men bring to the relationship, and it becomes very clear very fast that my ex was not those things and therefore he and I could never have become one of the happy couples around us. In fact, even when we were together I was envious - yes, envious - of the warm, connected couples in our lives. Even then it was clear that our relationship was missing something...a warmth of some kind. My gut was screaming at me. SCREAMING. And I kept squashing it. So - back to the original question - no, I'm not today bothered by the couples. All of my girlfriends IN those couples are excited for me to find the right guy, who adores me and fights for me and our relationship and who is giving and kind and compassionate. None of them saw my ex as being that guy.
kizik Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Sun, I am that kind and compassionate guy of whom you speak. You should really move to the Northwest. You make some good points about observing the strengths of positive relationships. For now, my pain is too new and fresh for me to want to be around other people's love.
Nevermind Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 I try to avoid being alone with a couple, because it makes me worry that my sadness could create tension somehow. It doesn't work very well, because my flatmate got a girlfriend (almost exactly when things ended for me) and they are here a lot. I stick to myself even more at those times. Wouldn't want to disturb them, besides new couples want their time alone. They don't really bother me, but when I see a couple on the street holdings hand and showing affection it does sting.
Author trulysomething Posted June 6, 2008 Author Posted June 6, 2008 I think part of the problem is that my flatmates chat to each other in front of me about how amazing/funny/entertaining/gorgeous/etc their boyfriends are. I don't mind seeing them of course, but I HATE hearing about them! Grrrrrrrrrr.
sunshinegirl Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 I think part of the problem is that my flatmates chat to each other in front of me about how amazing/funny/entertaining/gorgeous/etc their boyfriends are. I don't mind seeing them of course, but I HATE hearing about them! Grrrrrrrrrr. Hmm. That's pretty insensitive. Any way you could ask them to tone it down a tad when you're around?
sunshinegirl Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Sun, I am that kind and compassionate guy of whom you speak. You should really move to the Northwest. You make some good points about observing the strengths of positive relationships. For now, my pain is too new and fresh for me to want to be around other people's love. I get that, definitely. For me it's part of knocking him off the pedastal. I crave more info about his failed marriage - by all accounts he behaved with her exactly as he did with me, and she wound up seeking connection/emotion in an affair (she's marrying the guy tomorrow!!). I think about how he was with his ex-wife, how he was with me, and how different those experiences are from how healthy, loving couples SHOULD be with one another...and it gives me some strength. But at other times I want to crawl into a hole. I don't particularly like seeing people in public hugging and kissing. It makes me panic at the thought that the ex is doing that with the hooch. See the fun circles I go in?
Nevermind Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Okay, I take part of it back. Right now the door to my flatmates room is open and he is doing something physical with his girlfriend. I don't know what exactly because I fixed my eyes on a really interesting spot on the wall. Like I did yesterday. And some days before that. I am walking through the flat like a zombie without eyes. Can't they close the door? I really don't need the show.
kizik Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 OK well you need to address that with him. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable and that YOU live there too.
0hpenelope Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Okay, I take part of it back. Right now the door to my flatmates room is open and he is doing something physical with his girlfriend. I don't know what exactly because I fixed my eyes on a really interesting spot on the wall. Like I did yesterday. And some days before that. I am walking through the flat like a zombie without eyes. Can't they close the door? I really don't need the show. Well that's unnecessary and inappropriate! Oh people. We get funny when we're in the lovey dovey mindset, hm? The happy couples, yes. So I shy away from friends when I don't feel like dealing with their googly eyes and cuddle times together... and practice Organic Chemistry. I finally channeled all of my energy into the right outlet and now that hellish subject is making more sense to me now.
borelandkaren Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Okay, I take part of it back. Right now the door to my flatmates room is open and he is doing something physical with his girlfriend. I don't know what exactly because I fixed my eyes on a really interesting spot on the wall. Like I did yesterday. And some days before that. I am walking through the flat like a zombie without eyes. Can't they close the door? I really don't need the show. You know.....!!!! I'd be goin and slammin' that door!!!! Right on his dick!!!! Tell him off!! That is wrong on so many levels.....Soooo disrespectful!!!!
Nevermind Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 They were not having sex, there was some clothing. Maybe they were about to, and forgot that I was there. He is great usually, so I won't slam any door, besides he is in his room. It's not really disrespectful, just a little careless. It's not their business that I am heartbroken, plus, they are in the honeymoon phase. If it happens to often I'll tell him.
borelandkaren Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 They were not having sex, there was some clothing. Maybe they were about to, and forgot that I was there. He is great usually, so I won't slam any door, besides he is in his room. It's not really disrespectful, just a little careless. It's not their business that I am heartbroken, plus, they are in the honeymoon phase. If it happens to often I'll tell him. Oh. OK, I'll back off. I feel very protective of the people in our "little community." Might have to talk to him, though, as you said. Door closed on intimacy (for the time being.)
Nevermind Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Yeah. How am I going to say it? "Listen, stud, if you want to put up a show, join the cabaret." Our little community.. the little house in the internet full of heartbroken people.
borelandkaren Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Yeah. How am I going to say it? "Listen, stud, if you want to put up a show, join the cabaret." Our little community.. the little house in the internet full of heartbroken people. Upfront is always the best way. Or join the cabaret!!!:lmao: And with so many gorgeous people supporting me, you and everyone else, I know I don't feel "quite" as heartbroken as I did.
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