BrightGreenEyes Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Where do I start? I was in a relationship for 5 years on and off. It was a very complicated relationship, there was emotional and mental abuse. We both cheated on each other, we both talked to other people and we both are to blame for how this ended. We haven't been together for about 2 to 3 months. We've always talked and acted like we were together but without the "title of bf/gf"... I decided to finally end it with him but I feel like a complete idiot for leaving him. I love this guy, he was everything to me. But I cant seem to come to terms that I will never talk to him or be with him again. The fact that I think he's talking to another girl hurts me. It kills me that we haven't been happy for so long and even though we both said we would try neither of us really did. I know this is for the best, this is me growing up. But I cant even cry, I'm torn inside. I'm like seriously stuck in like this moment, where I know what's happening but I don't get it yet. Why can't I just cry? Ball like a baby? I know I'm so mad at myself and at him for not being able to do anything about us. This is my very fist day of NC. It sucks! I would want to run back to him and say how sorry I was and just be there to love him but I may feel this way because I'm too scared to move on. He was my comfort zone. How can you leave a relationship after so many years? To just be able to do things with out him? He's been part of my "teen" "adulthood"... I just need words of encouragement, wisdom... Thanks.
kizik Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 It was a very complicated relationship, there was emotional and mental abuse. We both cheated on each other, we both talked to other people and we both are to blame for how this ended. Replace the word "complicated" with "dysfunctional" and "extremely unhealthy." You were afraid of being alone and without the comfort of this as*hole, so you stayed in a relationship that tore you up and hurt you in a number of ways. The fact that you are ending this R is a good thing. It's hard but you've been treating yourself like sh*t and you need to stop. Stay away from this guy. Don't talk to him.
sid3 Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 OP, kizik is right. FYI there is no difference between emotional abuse and mental abuse. They are the same thing. Most unvoluntarlily singles look back and inretrospect realized we stayed for not wanting to be alone, much of the time anyhow
norajane Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 How can you leave a relationship after so many years? One day at a time. Don't think in terms of never, forever. Think in terms of today only. Eventually, you will realize a huge, complicated weight has lifted off your shoulders, and you won't care about never, forever. You will be happy that you made the right decision and can move on without an abusive anchor dragging you down every day.
Author BrightGreenEyes Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 Thanks for the replies. "Dysfunctional"... My relationship was more like psychotic. It was all a battle, about everything. Nothing was ever right, it was always something from "other people" getting in the way of our "relationship" to fighting for no reason. sid3OP, kizik is right. FYI there is no difference between emotional abuse and mental abuse. They are the same thing. Most unvoluntarlily singles look back and inretrospect realized we stayed for not wanting to be alone, much of the time anyhow Thanks sid3- I'll keep that in mind, I stayed cause I always thought that was "love". He did all of cause he "loves" me... how stupid right? I always saw it as everything he did, the screaming, fighting, arguing, jealousy... he did it cause he "loved" me... No, he did it because he Fucckked up on me.
Author BrightGreenEyes Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 I started NC on Lets say Thursday at Noon, It was going pretty well. Friday comes along and my "ex" leaves me an e-mail. WOW! He was so cocky about how I will go "running" back to him. Damn it! He know he has control over me. He sent me 2txt msgs over the weekend, and I was so furious cause the msgs were songs that he wanted me to listen to. Ashanti-Struggle... uuuggghhh. Stupid me "thanks" him for the msgs. I couldn't help but to tell him I missed him. He answered this morning with "oh now you want to talk to me huh.." Is he so flippin serious?! He acts like its a privilege for me to talk to him. I mean come on, 5 years and this is the way he treats me. I replied with "what does that supposed to me'.... And when I sent that I felt like I lost complete control over the situation. I feel like a looser, like some stupid girl running after some jerk!
kizik Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 BGE, you're going about this very wrong. Listen to this advice and follow it: don't bite his bait. You're hurting yourself. And what a f*cking cocky prikk this guy is! No wonder you feel like a loser; you're not respecting yourself. STOP IT.\ NO responding. NO contact. You are really just feeding his ego.
v33 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Most unvoluntarlily singles look back and inretrospect realized we stayed for not wanting to be alone, much of the time anyhow So true, I was abused emotionally by my ex and cheated on but I stayed with her because I was more afraid of life without her. She ended up leaving me and I wish I had left on my own terms long ago.
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