Fiance left to see what else is out there

[bamaguy20]

yes, I'm beginning to see that. My ex fiancé is such a different person now. She's someone I wouldn't even want a friendship with. Yes you are right. Time will heal my wounds. It has almost been two months and I can eat and sleep regularly now. However I have recently started dreaming that she came back. I'm at the "anger" stage now and am unsure if Id take her back if she returned. Funny how time changes things.

 

dude in all seriousness..go back and read my posts from May 2004 on...Its a bit to get through..hah, I was a rambling, desperate mess...but you will see very similar traits to what you are going through. i.e. girlfriend changing for the worse.

 

These aren't just big coincidences...this happens to SO many people..knowing that should make you feel better. Its just amazing to me being on the flip side of the situation now telling this to you. Time is such a funny thing..4 years from now it's going to be you stumbling back onto this site by mistake and helping out another guy who is in the exact same situation you were in.......fate works in odd, odd ways like that.

[chrisanderson]

dude in all seriousness..go back and read my posts from May 2004 on...Its a bit to get through..hah, I was a rambling, desperate mess...but you will see very similar traits to what you are going through. i.e. girlfriend changing for the worse.

 

These aren't just big coincidences...this happens to SO many people..knowing that should make you feel better. Its just amazing to me being on the flip side of the situation now telling this to you. Time is such a funny thing..4 years from now it's going to be you stumbling back onto this site by mistake and helping out another guy who is in the exact same situation you were in.......fate works in odd, odd ways like that.

 

yea man, i went back and read your posts. Its crazy because its the same thing I am going through. Alyhough it hurts badly, it just gives me hope that one day I'll look back at this as a learning experience.

[chrisanderson]

I've been feeling much better. What a difference a couple weeks makes. I remember lying in my bed curled up like a little kid. I remember the thought of my ex, her name, our memories running thru my head every waking second. I remember not being able to eat anything but a few crackers and a couple glasses of juice for days. I remember holding onto my phone, keeping it by my side, checking the caller id screen every minute to see if I had a missed call, constantly making sure that I had it on the ringer and not on silent. I remember sitting at my desk on second and the next thing I know I'm sobbing out of nowhere. I remember talking to my mom, my brother, other family members asking for advice... Nothing they could say would stop the pain. Every time I talked to my ex I would hang onto every word and overanalyze things. It only made my situation 10xs worse. Then I found the forums and went NC. 1 week went by, no call from her. Then she calls and leaves a vm about wanting to "catch up". I never called her back. Her voice sounded so sweet. It brought back so many memories and I wanted to call back so BADLY but I didn't. Came to the conclusion that thinking, worrying, analyzing would do nothing. She's with someone else now and FOR THE TIME BEING his newness is nothing I can compete with. I could offer her the world but that newness she's experiencing can't be replaced... A few more days go by and I'm feeling much better. Not saying I was over her but I realized that I don't need her in my life the way I thought I did. I'm breathing, moving, eating, LIVING just fine without her.

 

So a few days ago she calls. I decide that I can handle the call and I answered. We spoke, laughed, joked, she asked if I was happy and I could honestly reply that yes, I was happy. She told me that she missed me, missed the time we'd spend, and said that she thinks of me often. But then she told me she's having the time of her life. Told me that she's talking a trip overseas (which I'm assuming she's taking her new guy). That killed me because that something WE were supposed to do together. That's what WE had planned since we were in highschool. But then again WE are no longer WE so there's nothing I can do about it. Felt like a HUGE slap in the face though. Seems like her relationship is going FAST. Like they say, the faster they go the faster the fail. But I'm not counting on that. I kinda want her back but I also want her to be happy. If she's happy now then why should I stop that? Well even if I wanted to stop it I can't. It was (in my opinion) very selfish of her to leave me to "have a blast" but at the same time, it is human nature to look out for ourselves. Too bad my parents didn't raise me that way. So that's that. As of right now, my ex and I are DONE. That's all there is to it. Sucks to say but I guess all I have are the memories and those memories were GREAT. But the past is in the past. Can't look back, only forward.

[northstar1]

I've been feeling much better. What a difference a couple weeks makes. I remember lying in my bed curled up like a little kid. I remember the thought of my ex, her name, our memories running thru my head every waking second. I remember not being able to eat anything but a few crackers and a couple glasses of juice for days. I remember holding onto my phone, keeping it by my side, checking the caller id screen every minute to see if I had a missed call, constantly making sure that I had it on the ringer and not on silent. I remember sitting at my desk on second and the next thing I know I'm sobbing out of nowhere. I remember talking to my mom, my brother, other family members asking for advice... Nothing they could say would stop the pain. Every time I talked to my ex I would hang onto every word and overanalyze things. It only made my situation 10xs worse. Then I found the forums and went NC. 1 week went by, no call from her. Then she calls and leaves a vm about wanting to "catch up". I never called her back. Her voice sounded so sweet. It brought back so many memories and I wanted to call back so BADLY but I didn't. Came to the conclusion that thinking, worrying, analyzing would do nothing. She's with someone else now and FOR THE TIME BEING his newness is nothing I can compete with. I could offer her the world but that newness she's experiencing can't be replaced... A few more days go by and I'm feeling much better. Not saying I was over her but I realized that I don't need her in my life the way I thought I did. I'm breathing, moving, eating, LIVING just fine without her.

 

So a few days ago she calls. I decide that I can handle the call and I answered. We spoke, laughed, joked, she asked if I was happy and I could honestly reply that yes, I was happy. She told me that she missed me, missed the time we'd spend, and said that she thinks of me often. But then she told me she's having the time of her life. Told me that she's talking a trip overseas (which I'm assuming she's taking her new guy). That killed me because that something WE were supposed to do together. That's what WE had planned since we were in highschool. But then again WE are no longer WE so there's nothing I can do about it. Felt like a HUGE slap in the face though. Seems like her relationship is going FAST. Like they say, the faster they go the faster the fail. But I'm not counting on that. I kinda want her back but I also want her to be happy. If she's happy now then why should I stop that? Well even if I wanted to stop it I can't. It was (in my opinion) very selfish of her to leave me to "have a blast" but at the same time, it is human nature to look out for ourselves. Too bad my parents didn't raise me that way. So that's that. As of right now, my ex and I are DONE. That's all there is to it. Sucks to say but I guess all I have are the memories and those memories were GREAT. But the past is in the past. Can't look back, only forward.

 

 

That's a very important realization for you. Getting to the point where you can say "It is over and she is never coming back" is key. It's hard, but once you get there you can really look forward.

 

In the meantime, you may want to go back to no contact - even if she does try and call. Too many triggers.

[ate_the_paint]

Ouch. Seems to be a lot of that on here. You're in the bewildered "just got hit in the head with a meteor" stage and the pain is almost insufferable.

 

It turns into a dull constant ache after a few weeks. Soon after it turns into anger, but that ache never goes away. I just got through my second month and although my feet are back on the ground I'm just going through the motions. At least the tears have stopped (they will for you, too).

 

Some on here will advise you to find comfort in the arms of another woman...don't. There's no comfort to be had there right now. That's a long, long time away. Just think of yourself as suddenly being crippled...you just can't do the stuff you like right now until you've healed.

 

Everyone on here suggests No Contact (NC). Take that advice. It's for your own good. She'll be stringing you along for the sole reason that she doesn't want to feel bad for breaking your heart. It's a selfish motive and an understandable one. She did what she thought she had to do, but you only hurt yourself by hanging around her.

 

Cut contact now. Send her a quick email that says something like "I'm okay. For now we shouldn't have any contact. Take care of yourself. Maybe down the line we can talk." Keep it simple and short and don't write an essay (ha, as I write you an essay).

 

Last, put away anything that reminds you of her. Pack it in a box and tuck it away. Then get out and walk or run or whatever. Be active. Keep moving. Hang with as many of your friends as you can. Let them badmouth her. They will all have something they disliked about her!

 

Good luck. Be strong. NC.

[sedgwick]

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I doubt anyone here is married to their high school love. It sucks when a relationship comes to an end, but it's part of growing up. I thank my lucky stars I didn't marry my high school/college bf. Oh god do I thank them. And there was a time when I really thought I loved him and wanted to be with him forever. The thing is, when you're that young, you don't really know what forever is.

 

I take it this is your first breakup with your first gf. It's awful. But you WILL get through it, just like all the rest of us did! Take this opportunity to discover who you are as an individual and how to survive on your own. You're so young, you have the whole world before you. And yes, I know that's a total cliche. But cliches become such because they're true.

 

And you should DEFINITELY not take her back! Telling you she's going to go try things with this other guy but if it doesn't work out she'll come back to you? Totally unacceptable. I hope that if she ever does come back you can show her how much you've moved on.

[chrisanderson]

Ouch. Seems to be a lot of that on here. You're in the bewildered "just got hit in the head with a meteor" stage and the pain is almost insufferable.

 

It turns into a dull constant ache after a few weeks. Soon after it turns into anger, but that ache never goes away. I just got through my second month and although my feet are back on the ground I'm just going through the motions. At least the tears have stopped (they will for you, too).

 

Some on here will advise you to find comfort in the arms of another woman...don't. There's no comfort to be had there right now. That's a long, long time away. Just think of yourself as suddenly being crippled...you just can't do the stuff you like right now until you've healed.

 

Everyone on here suggests No Contact (NC). Take that advice. It's for your own good. She'll be stringing you along for the sole reason that she doesn't want to feel bad for breaking your heart. It's a selfish motive and an understandable one. She did what she thought she had to do, but you only hurt yourself by hanging around her.

 

Cut contact now. Send her a quick email that says something like "I'm okay. For now we shouldn't have any contact. Take care of yourself. Maybe down the line we can talk." Keep it simple and short and don't write an essay (ha, as I write you an essay).

 

Last, put away anything that reminds you of her. Pack it in a box and tuck it away. Then get out and walk or run or whatever. Be active. Keep moving. Hang with as many of your friends as you can. Let them badmouth her. They will all have something they disliked about her!

 

Good luck. Be strong. NC.

 

 

Yup, I think I'm at the stage where you are. I'm no longer crying, I just feel anger and I have still have that dull ache. Yup, I packed up everything that reminds me of her- all the photos, gifts. There are still somethings that I see around my room that still remind me of her that I just can't get rid of. Yup, I've decided that I will no longer talk to her. I don't even have the desire to call her. I'm past that stage. She did what she did and there's nothing I can do to change it. I couldn't see myself with another girl for atleast a year. This is too traumatic for me. I already pictured in my mind how she'd look walking down the aisle, I already had my tux picked out, I already had a crap load of money saved up for us to start our life... and now it's all over. I still can't make sense of it all. One day she's showing me wedding cake accessories, the next she's on the beach with another guy. lol, incredible! Life goes on though...

[chrisanderson]

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I doubt anyone here is married to their high school love. It sucks when a relationship comes to an end, but it's part of growing up. I thank my lucky stars I didn't marry my high school/college bf. Oh god do I thank them. And there was a time when I really thought I loved him and wanted to be with him forever. The thing is, when you're that young, you don't really know what forever is.

 

I take it this is your first breakup with your first gf. It's awful. But you WILL get through it, just like all the rest of us did! Take this opportunity to discover who you are as an individual and how to survive on your own. You're so young, you have the whole world before you. And yes, I know that's a total cliche. But cliches become such because they're true.

 

And you should DEFINITELY not take her back! Telling you she's going to go try things with this other guy but if it doesn't work out she'll come back to you? Totally unacceptable. I hope that if she ever does come back you can show her how much you've moved on.

 

 

Yup, I know what you mean about the whole highschool sweetheart thing. I was told that very often by strangers but I always told myself, "no, we're different".

I agree, it really would make no sense to take her back because if she did come back it would be out of desparation and not love. If you love someone you would never leave their side. It just hurts that she could just easily throw our past and planned future away.

[ate_the_paint]

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I doubt anyone here is married to their high school love. It sucks when a relationship comes to an end, but it's part of growing up. I thank my lucky stars I didn't marry my high school/college bf. Oh god do I thank them. And there was a time when I really thought I loved him and wanted to be with him forever. The thing is, when you're that young, you don't really know what forever is.

 

I take it this is your first breakup with your first gf. It's awful. But you WILL get through it, just like all the rest of us did! Take this opportunity to discover who you are as an individual and how to survive on your own. You're so young, you have the whole world before you. And yes, I know that's a total cliche. But cliches become such because they're true.

 

And you should DEFINITELY not take her back! Telling you she's going to go try things with this other guy but if it doesn't work out she'll come back to you? Totally unacceptable. I hope that if she ever does come back you can show her how much you've moved on.

 

sedgwick is right about being young, but that doesn't diminish the pain at all. I think that whether you're twenty or eighty, when someone you love and trusted and started to revolve your future around does this, it feels the same.

[shineonu]

i was with my highschool love for about 3 years. we had everything. and then...out of the blue...she told me she wanted to break up.

why?

she said she had no idea, other than to "find herself".

yea..well, i guess that's where we saw things a little diff.

 

10 years passed....

 

i actually talked to her about 2 mos. ago through myspace and we finally (after 10 years) had closure.

she contacted me and had to have closure because the day she told me we were breaking up, i told her "f you", called her for about 6 days crying, then i dropped all contact with her when i found out it was hopeless.

i didn't have the luxury of loveshack...just a bunch of subborn male pride i guess..

 

funny thing is, she's still single, still trying to "find herself".

 

whatever....she must have a vast freaking "self" the size of the bering sea to still be finding it after 10 years..LOL.

anyway, glad i didn't fish around in that swamp for 10 years...knowwhatimean?

 

anyway. it took me a long time to get over her (about 2 years to completely and utterly not affect me in any way)

 

and i did truly love her (a very very small part of me still does). you will eventually get over it too. you will always have those sweet memories, but you will learn to appreciate them and her for what they were..not what they are.

 

good luck to you.

 

(btw, looking at her myspace pics again...i'm glad i didn't end up with her. she grew up ugly.)