Is this pathetic?

[iwish]

Firstly i think i should explain, i started writing this email Wednesday night after seeing you with that guy. It was all nice and sweet and i just wanted to say goodbye. I've always hoped that you would change your mind and realise that we could've worked if you just put some effort in!!

But you just weren't and aren't going to.

 

That's what the Sanderson was all about babe, deep down you know it. We had a great night, room service, sex and of course just holding you and showering with you (i'm gonna miss that). It was a week today that we were there and it was really fantastic.. Great great fun!!! I mean 7, or was it 8? times babe, that has to be some sort of record!! ..

 

Then you accuse me of following you!! I mean come on..

I'm sorry but you really have to get over yourself there sweetheart.. I have better things to do than wait for you outside work, follow you to meet a guy and then follow you to a restaurant.. What do you think i did? sit in the shade watching? that's just over the top paranoia and i suggest you stop smoking the weed if you really believe that!!!

 

If you must know i was out with Jenny and we both saw you, and just so you know seeing your ex with someone else hurts, and i really didn't want to see that, trust me.

 

Whilst we're on the subject of made up stories, i think you need to realise that i also did not ring up your ex!! I mean for gods sake why would i? why he would make it up i don't know, but i know for a fact that i just didn't do that. Unless of course you're making it all up.. I don't know either way babe, i don't know who you think i am. And i certainly don't know how you can accuse me of these things after being with me for a year. Your opinion of me must be so low and i don't deserve that.

 

I know that it shouldn't matter to me as we are over. But it does matter. As you continue reading this rather long email, you will see that i still despite how you've treated me, how you've ignored me, how you've made up stories about me etc.. I still have feelings for you, (not enough to follow you or ring your ex though!)

 

Don't worry though babe, i'm not trying to win you back. It's more of a closure thing for me, because i'm still not ready to date someone else and i want to be. I want to have what we had in the times you let me in, but i want them without having to fight tooth and nail to get it. I want to be happy as i'm sure you do. And having things like this isn't making me happy. It makes me very sad and blue.

 

This year for me has been nothing but heartache, You first dumped me at the end of January and you still went on the Valentines trip i got for you.. I've had more misery than good times.. and the funny thing is, it's all my fault. I let you treat me bad, i should've just walked away when you first hurt me.

 

But i'm forever the optimist and tried and tried to be with you. But there's no point trying to be with someone who simply does not want you. You know deep down how hard i tried and i feel that i can leave this relationship knowing that any failure between us was not down to any lack of effort on my part.

 

I'm sorry if any of this is nasty or seems harsh, that's not my intention at all. I just don't like the fact that you accused me of this stuff, it's not nice at all and really really unfair. So if i'm a bit pissed off by it , i apologise. It's just very offensive that you think that and there's nothing i can do about it. Which in turn is frustrating. But i'll get over that.

 

I want to say so much to you, but i saw you with another guy.. It could've been just friends, it could've been innocent, but i saw how you looked and saw that you were on a date.. You looked amazing .. He's a very lucky guy..

 

I remember our dates, our good times, the driving lessons, the dorset trip, the time at Primrose Hill, of course the holidays (not so much Istanbul, it was just too bloody cold!) all our lunch breaks, our time in the office (you know what i'm talking about). Just the emails, the texts, the phonecalls all that stuff that i miss. I could go on but this email is turning into a novel!!

 

I thought we had fun, i thought that we were good together, i only wanted a normal relationship where we saw each other, had a laugh, and just enjoyed things. but for some reason you stopped wanting to spend any time with me, you just wanted rid of me..

 

I loved you so much and you know that, maybe i loved too much and maybe i pushed too hard for some form of commitment.. I don't want to have a go at you, i don't want that at all. You just didn't want me as much as i wanted you. You must see that if you had tried to have a normal relationship with me (without ex's or secrecy) we would have been fine.

 

You dumped me once and i managed to get you back.. It was tricky.. And i went on operation WOO! (remember claridges and the car that picked you up ) yet you still didn't want a normal relationship, you in fact wanted to make our relationship even less important than before. Going to Thailand on your own, listening to some weird story about me ringing your ex (ridiculous!) just basically not bothering to see me. You know as you were there.

 

It all came to an end when you dumped me again but this time by text, i hated that! then we had a closure chat and i fancied the pants of you still, then there was the Sanderson.. Which in my mind was absolutely fantastic... fun fun fun.. i tried to see you later in the week, but you refused.. you wouldn't even pick up the phone when i called.. That just hurt...

 

Then i'm out on Wednesday with Jenny (just a friend) and i see you with that guy.. Looking amazing, looking stunning.. and i text you, out of anger, then i text you again showing my sadness that you are doing stuff with someone else!! Now, i'm sorry i reacted like that. I don't think you can hold it against me. I don't think i was too harsh, i was just really hurt... It was not a nice sight as if you can imagine someone you loved with another girl, you might understand...

 

I wasn't ready to see that, i really wasn't and i hate now that i have his picture in my head, of you and him.. together... OUCH!

 

TO get to the point I just can't believe that's it. I can't believe someone else is going to be woo-ing you, someone else is going to be making love to you, taking you out, kissing you, holding you, buying you presents, carrying you, massaging you, blindfolding you, spanking you, holding your hand, smelling you, kissing you, handcuffing you, teasing you, using their magic hands on you .. (yes i said kissing twice!)

 

I can't believe i'll never get to look into your beautiful eyes again and hold you. I can't believe i'll never see you again. I can't believe this is what you want, i can't believe less than a week ago we had a fantastic time at the Sanderson. I can't believe this is the last contact we're ever going to have .

 

I'm sorry i'm a bit of a girl when it comes to stuff like this, i'm sorry i'm so bloody emotional about it. I'm sorry you think that someone else is better, i'm sorry that i just wasn't good enough for you.

 

I tried my hardest to be with you and i hope you know that. I've always been an eternal optimist with you, always hoping that you'd try and be with me instead of the opposite. I always tried my best to impress you and treat you right. I wanted us to work so much babe, i wanted to make you the happiest person in the world, but it seems that you would be happier with someone else now. I was very patient with you and you know that.

 

I was very jealous when i saw you last night. It hurt to see you there with another guy looking so beautiful and not even wearing your glasses.. We both know what happens when you don't wear your glasses ..

 

I wish i hadn't seen that, i wish i'd gone a different way. I wish things were different, i wish you hadn't dumped me. I don't know babe, you probably just don't care anymore, you probably just want to move on with the new guy and forget all about me.

 

Well babe there's so much more i want to say but what would be the point. I'm hurting and sad but there's nothing i can do anymore. I can only leave you to it and just say that i loved every moment we had together, i loved holding you and kissing you.. I loved the challenge of trying to woo you.. I wasn't ready for us to end, i don't think i ever would've been.

 

I miss you immensely and despite the hurt and pain i've felt, i still care about you and want only the best for you..

even if it means a life without me in it..

 

And please babe, believe that i wouldn't follow you or ring your ex. It's not in my interest and just isn't the way i do things.. and you should know that. I have tried my hardest with you, i've given you time to change your mind and well you just didn't and you wont and there's nothing i can do about it and that's fine. I'm ready to move on with my life.

 

So goodluck my darling girl, i'm going to miss you so much.

 

Love

Iwish

xxx

[motive2002]

It's only pathetic if you sent it. It took me a while to chew through that letter, but I have patience that your ex doesn't have right now. I think the last thing she'd want to get is a huge, emotionally charged, sappy letter like that one. It's really not going to do you any good to send it.

 

It did however tug at my own heart-strings. It gave me hope that people still feel with their hearts.. and that love isn't completely dead.

 

Of course it won't have the same effect on the ex though. Trust me on that one. They don't want to get letters like this, especially if they are courting someone else. It will only be awkward. You could shout it all out with a megaphone, but it will simply not do any good.

[Nevermind]

I agree with motive. It's not pathetic, but not going to do you any good.

She will not believe you, if she really thought you were following her. Write it down here, shout it out to yourself..but keep quiet to her. At least for a while.

 

 

(Now I have visions of myself running through Naples with a megaphone. )

[motive2002]

(Now I have visions of myself running through Naples with a megaphone. )

 

There was a time that I would have done this without hesitation if it meant winning her back. Hell I'd do it naked if that's what it took.

Now I realize that it's all a waste of time. I'm nearing the acceptance that it's all over and she doesn't want to ever hear from me. That's fine. I've got a lot of life to live, and no time for someone that hurt me like that.

[iwish]

thanks guys. I haven't sent it (yet).. I want to send it so much, the main reasons being that of course i didn't follow her, of course i didn't ring her ex.. Of course not to both.

 

And i just don't get why she would accuse me of these things, she's comparing me to her last ex who showed up and showed me a text she sent him that day It..

 

It just seems unfair to me that she remembers me for something i didn't do, instead of the good things i did.. It's very frustrating!

[Nevermind]

If that's your agenda, then don't send it, never. She will not believe you. In fact, it will most likely drive her to believe it even more.

I know I told my ex that I didn't do some of the things he accused me of, and I think he didn't believe me.

So...she won't believe you. If you don't want to be remembered as the guy who couldn't let go...let go. Don't write her. Leave her alone. This is the only way you can prove that you're not like her other ex.

 

It's your only chance.

[iwish]

Ok thanks for the input. How's about i sit on it for today? I mean i wanted to send it now and she could read it over the weekend. But i guess i can wait.

 

You see from our original breakup i have a letter she sent me in my memory chest, it's a nice letter wishing me all the best..

 

Since then things have gotten uglier and uglier, with us getting back together and her dumping me again, then there was the FWB phase and now it's back to her hating me. But she has no reason to hate me!! I haven't done the things she accused me of doing. And it's just not right.

 

I want her to have something for her memory chest. You know? I want her to have a letter from me to look back on and say, well he left it well.. I don't want her to look back at lies she or her ex have made up. It's just not fair!! (i know, grow up!)

 

Do you see what i'm getting at?

[motive2002]

It just seems unfair to me that she remembers me for something i didn't do, instead of the good things i did.. It's very frustrating!

 

I've learned the hard way that there's nothing "fair" about a break-up. Here's my own unique example:

I know that my ex had to come up with some reason to justify her kicking me to the curb so quickly after she got all her friends and family on board with "us" and moving in together. It's likely her version if the story is that I'm some crazy, wackadoo or something to that effect. She had to justify her sudden change of heart somehow. Who knows what she said about me. It's totally unfair, and it hurts because I liked her friends and family.. but I'll never really know because we don't talk now.

 

Your ex might paint you as some weird stalker. Hell that's probably what she's telling the new guy. People don't start the courting process telling their new potential partner what a heartless bitch they were when they dumped their last ex.. rather they illustrate it as if it was the ex with all the problems and play the victim yadda yadda. People do this crap all the time.

 

Nothing fair about it. Nothing at all. Just have to try to put it out of your mind somehow.

[Nevermind]

I want her to have something for her memory chest. You know? I want her to have a letter from me to look back on and say, well he left it well.. I don't want her to look back at lies she or her ex have made up. It's just not fair!! (i know, grow up!)

 

Do you see what i'm getting at?

 

Write it down. Write the letter. But don't send it. Read it a couple of times. And change whatever you feel is important to be changed. Keep it up for one month. If there is anything left in that letter, send it.

 

Do it before that time and you'll be the stalker forever. But after one month you might find that there is a lot less to say, and you can say it in a calmer way. It will be a farewell then. Now, it isn't.

 

But maybe there will be nothing left to send and you will be free.

[serendip]

I want her to have something for her memory chest. You know? I want her to have a letter from me to look back on and say, well he left it well.. I don't want her to look back at lies she or her ex have made up. It's just not fair!! (i know, grow up!)

 

 

Wasn't the reason she broke up with you...b/c you were too controlling. Now you want to control her memories of you?

 

Just walk away dude...

[borelandkaren]

I wanted so much to write to my ex but then reality would kick in. I imagined all the things I'd write and then all I could see was him throwing the letter in the bin, proclaiming it all to be "full of ****." And to them it is. Don't send it. Yes it would be pathetic. She's simply not interested. If she was, she'd still be with you and you wouldn't be thinking of sending her a letter that she'll never read. Maintain your dignity at all costs.

[iwish]

thanks all, i just wanted to leave it on a good note. Peace and love and all that. Right now it's on an angry note but that's based on a lie...

[sid3]

Don't send it. You'll regret it soon after. She is going to blieve what she wants to. nothing you write to her is going to change that.

[replicator]

Don't send it. I read it, and while I know you are trying to be sincere, I don't see what point it carries over, other than that you aren't over her and you care very much what she thinks.

 

Let it slide.

[iwish]

Yes you are right, i am not over her!. I was out last night with some friends in this wonderful restaurant. And of course i thought of her. I thought she'd love it here. It's expensive, it's in a hotel and quite posh.

 

I had the urge to text her (for about 5 mins) but what's the point. I'd get accused of following her again or some such thing. So i didn't. It's very saddening that someone you love thinks these things about you.

 

I never followed this girl, the day i saw her i was with my friend and she saw the guy too. And as little as it helps. She did say i was better looking than him. But that means absolutely nothing. She was with him.

 

I'm just venting on her, you see she dumped me originally 4 months ago. I chased and chased and got her back. We lasted a very short while. She dumped me again. We've had sex since the second break up and now that's it.

 

We had a very physical relationship, the holding and kissing was great. But it wasn't enough. I tried my best to be with this girl, i really really did. I put up with her secrecy, her lies and general untrustworthiness.

 

I never left her alone when she dumped me. I chased and chased. It did work in getting her back, but it was all on her terms. Her way or the highway. And to be honest. She had some issues that needed resolving too, her other ex was still around a year and a half later. Making things up, telling her tall tales about me ringing him (why he did that i don't know).

 

I should be angry with her, i should be the one being chased! yet it doesn't work like that. She hasn't seen what she did wrong. She believes a complete lie and is probably glad to be rid of a loser like me.

 

And that saddens me a hell of a lot. I must be wrong in the head, but i just can't help but miss the girl. Damn!

[0hpenelope]

And that saddens me a hell of a lot. I must be wrong in the head, but i just can't help but miss the girl. Damn!

 

Nah, you're not wrong in the head. You're still grieving. This takes time. A long time sometimes, but time's your ticket to healing.

 

Don't be too harsh on yourself about it, ok? Good to know you decided not to send the e-mail. There's really no way that you're going to feel better when you show her how much influence she still has over you. It's better to leave those people guessing - whether or not they do think about us... it's not our concern anymore. They're done, they're done, they're done.

[justaman99]

Don't send it. It's far too long first of all and has so much stuff in it. It won't do you any good. Just move along there buddy.