wow1 Posted June 5, 2008 Posted June 5, 2008 Wow, here it goes. I moved in with a friend of mine and his wife. We had all been friends for over 9 years. After a year the wife wants to leave her husband and demands that I take her away from her situation. She said she had wanted to leave him for six years and never saw away out. I told her to stay, she refused. We had a business together and it wouldn't work without her so I helped her leave. (they had two kids, one stayed with him and one with her.) After dropping everything and moving several states away we were both broke and in deep debt. We moved in together and eventually both filed for bankruptcy. She said she had loved me for several years and we obviously began our relationship. The husband filed for divorce and demanded unrealistic payments, jail, and all around bad stuff. We fought the divorce together and volintarily both kids ended up living with us. (I've known both kids since birth and they were very comfortable with me and I felt like I was there dad.) Anyway, after three years of struggling out of debt, finding work, many vacations, fun, and holidays later she talked about having kids together and getting married. Five months later she leaves me saying she is going to live with her mom. That we are to different. Admittedly she was libral and I conservative, but it seemed to work. She packs everything she wants out of the house because I think she is going to be a single mom with two kids and needs all the help I can provide. It was very loving and civil. I accepted the fact that things don't work out and that I would always be able to visit, talk, and so forth. Understanding that we had a 12 year friendship at this point and it didn't have to be weird. The weekend she is to drive up to her moms I call to make sure she made it. No response. Things seem a little fishy later and then BAM! I find out she took the kids 2100 miles away to move back in with her ex-husband of 3 years. For two month straight she lied to me, and made her daughter lie, and her daughters friends lie. We even made love 5 days before she was to leave forever and move in with her ex. She left me with bills, bills, bills! About $6k it cost to get out from under everything plus a $5k credit card with our cruise on it from 4 months earlier. She begged me to take her away from him. Fought for her kids. Gave her a home. Was a dad to ger kids. The kids loved me to death. Was there for her when she needed me most. How could she just up and leave back to her ex-husband after 3 years?! Instead of a mutually understood breakup I have years full of lies and deceit. Imagine the lies that I don't know about. The worst part... I feel like three people that I loved more than anything in the world have fallen off the face of the planet. Is there anyone out there that can explain to me what she might have been thinking? I need to write a book, nobody has a life this messed up! Please help...
sedgwick Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 First of all, you sound like a really good guy, and I'm really sorry this happened to you. However, political differences are a big deal. I'm a liberal who once had a conservative boyfriend and it took a lot to overlook his political views. It was one of several things that ultimately broke us up. I do think it's a valid reason -- but it kind of sounds like it might have been an excuse in this case. What do you think it was that made her want to go back to her ex?
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 It sounds like three years was enough time to process what made her want to leave her husband, and enough time to see that it would not work with you in the long run like it would with her husband. It probably also gave her enough time to step back from her relationship with her husband and see it objectively - and in doing so, re-ignited what got her interested in him in the first place. I doubt it was something as simple as just 'love' that made the final tipping point. She sounds like the type of person who doesn't face her problems in relationships... rather runs away from them, and runs back when she feels the problems might be resolved. You can expect to hear from her in about six months or so when she sees that things are harder back home than she thought they would be. Question is... would you take her back? There's no guarantee that she won't run again when things get tough - and especially if she finds a different man who can provide an 'out'. She may be one of those who always has an eye on the emergency exit, so to speak.
motive2002 Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 She sounds like the type of person who doesn't face her problems in relationships... rather runs away from them, and runs back when she feels the problems might be resolved. You can expect to hear from her in about six months or so when she sees that things are harder back home than she thought they would be. This kinda sounds like my ex. I know better now what I should do. Bite the bullet and move on. I mean, why ever give her the chance to destroy my heart like that again? Moving on is rough, but sometimes it's the best decision. Deep down in your heart you know, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. Hang in there. It will get better eventually.
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