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How do you get beyond feelings of revenge and anger over affair?


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Posted

I am working through an impending divorce related to my wife's affair with her boss. We have two young children and will share custody equally.

 

I keep getting advice to remain as friendly as possible and put the past behind us. I suppose that is practical but it seems to me that sends a message to my STBXW that the affair was OK and her refusal to reasonably work on reconciliation was OK - in other words it sends the message that I agree with divorce as a good solution, and surely I don't.

 

The truth is I feel immense anger and I have thoughts of revenge more often than thoughts of forgiveness. Maybe I could forgive her for doing this to me but I can't imagine forgiving her for doing this to our children. How do others handle this?

Posted

Remain friendly but not her friend. if it isnt about the kids, then just plain ignore her. You have your own personal life to lead now and she's not apart of it. She made that choice.

 

You should not be her friend.

 

Cheating spouses always want their exe's to be the fallback plan, do not give her that option.

Posted

all revenge will do is get you in trouble. just act on raising your kids the best you can,be a good example. karma will take care of her in the end.

Posted
Maybe I could forgive her for doing this to me but I can't imagine forgiving her for doing this to our children. How do others handle this?

Forgiveness is a personal thing so, even though your kids are still young, it's not within your domain to forgive on their behalf -- not sure if that makes you feel better or worse, though :).

 

As a parent, you are in an honoured position to teach them the value and benefits of forgiveness, and to role-model for them how it looks in 'real life'...after that, all you have is to leave it to them to choose where and when they apply forgiveness in their own lives.

 

Good luck.

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