fishtaco Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 I already have a GF, so this is for academic purposes only. During my single days, there were instances where I was working on one woman, when another threw some interest at me. Ideally I would like to start working on both of them so I won't waste any opportunities, but I find that a rude thing to do, so I would pick one and only work on her. Since this is at the very beginning phase - i.e. working to get her number, I have zero information on which one is a better choice, and I would basically make a blind decision and go with it. Needless to say I've made some wrong choices. For example, this one time, the one I chose to follow through ended up being a number collector. She was flirting quite well though, but that's what makes her an excellent number collector. I was obviously defeated, although her breasts did feel really nice pushed against my body. In retrospect, I should have paid attention to the other woman that was showing me interest (but didn't flirt quite as well, I think because she was less experienced). So if I could do it over again, and have dating super-power, I'd some how engage both of them and get both of their numbers. Once Miss A as been determined to be a number collector, I would continue with Miss B without missing a beat. Is this even possible? So I'm flirting with A, and then go off and flirt with B. They'll probably catch me doing that since I'm not sneaky enough. What's the solution here?
nicki Posted June 5, 2008 Posted June 5, 2008 What I would do is act friendly, not flirty with everyone. Then look for the signals of an interested female who you would also be interested in. Signs a woman is interested: prolonged eye contact, smiling, touching your arm, asking you questions, crossing and uncrossing her legs, smoothing her hair, etc.... Start talking to her more than the others, moving closer to her. Continue to be friendly and engaging to others, but focus your attention on the object of your affection. If you have picked an interested woman, then you are home free. More men really should pay attention to signals....but, *sigh* they often try to hit on the women who are looking everywhere else and not at them, and who give off the "I'm not interested vibe." (which they aren't.) Personally, I won't give any guy the time of day if I see him hitting on all the women in the club, getting shot down one by one until he gets to me. I want to feel special, like a guy noticed me and only me. I don't mind if he has been friendly and sociable, but I'd like to be the only one getting hit on by him. That guy will get my attention every time. So, go have fun! Remember: friendly, and flirty only with an interested woman.
Author fishtaco Posted June 6, 2008 Author Posted June 6, 2008 Thanks for the tips. But you do realize it's very difficult for men to read signals from women. I think some men don't bother, but a lot of other men, like myself, do try to read signals, except a lot of the times it's scrambled. In my example, we hung out with each other for most of the night. We chatted, danced, and danced with her rubbing her boobs on me. I'd think that's "interested", hence I elevated my interest level from friendly to flirting. Plus I didn't see her do that with other guys. I viewed that as interested, or at the very least, worth pursuing. But here's the problem. Once I pursued her, I was locked in for the night. And I didn't find out she's just a flirt/tease until she didn't bother to return my call several days later. So what you said makes perfect sense, which happens to be what I try to accomplish. But the problem is, I (or men in general) can't tell. Especially if the woman is flirting for reasons other than that she's interested in me. Now I don't have a problem with women being flirts or teases. Once I find out, I just shrug and move on. No big deal, I'm not offended. But I don't want to lose opportunities over it. It seems like if I flirt with one woman (in order to find out if she's for real or not), I can't go flirt with another, for the same reason you said -- it'd turn you off seeing me go through multiple women. So I need a solution (if there's one). Here's a more defined scenario. Assuming a pool of women are showing me interest. However only one is really interested, all other ones are just flirting for fun. So to me, they're all the same. The only way I can find out is to get their number, and get them to show up to a date several days later. But once a woman see me flirt with someone else, I get scratched off. I've been doing the pick one at random and go method, which obviously doesn't work very well. Where the ideal but unrealistic scenario would be I'd flirt back and get EVERYONE's number, and see which one would agree to a date. So what would be the best real-world possible approach? Of course in the perfect world everyone would just be honest, and this would not be necessary. But I think we can all agree that the world is far from being perfect.
tanbark813 Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Assuming a pool of women are showing me interest. However only one is really interested, all other ones are just flirting for fun. So to me, they're all the same. The only way I can find out is to get their number, and get them to show up to a date several days later. It's not the only way. You can kiss the one who you think is interested and see what she does. The only problem is that still will usually lock you in to one girl. Not always but most of the time. It also helps if the girls don't know each other (obviously).
Author fishtaco Posted June 6, 2008 Author Posted June 6, 2008 It's not the only way. You can kiss the one who you think is interested and see what she does. The only problem is that still will usually lock you in to one girl. Not always but most of the time. It also helps if the girls don't know each other (obviously). Thanks tanbark, yes you're right, there are faster ways of finding out. Although sometimes they'll still kiss you and lose your number anyway after they get home. So I still should explore other options. Like you said it doesn't solve the "getting locked in" problem either. I think if for example nicki there originally considered me a possibility, but see me kiss some other girl, bust out the cell phone, then come over to put my moves on her, I think she'd be immediately turned off. Nicki's just stay friendly method works in terms of then I can just go be friendly with all the chicks. But then I wouldn't be really pushing for it... Can I just be friendly the whole way, not elevate to flirting, yet somehow manage to get a date out of it? If I just stay friendly and kind of float around, would I lose out because then the women will think I'm not interested and move on?
nicki Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Yes, there is a way to get multiple women's digits and not look like a player. Make it look like it is for work related issue, or for a favor or more info related to something in the conversation. For instance, if you are talking to a woman and she knows a lot about computers, tell her you are looking to buy a new laptop. Ask her what ones she would recommend. After talking to her for a few minutes, ask her if you could call her with any additional question once you start shopping. More than likely she will offer up her phone number. Very non-threatening and hard to read without further follow up. I'm a yoga teacher. Quite a few smart guys ask me where I teach and if I have a business card. Then they tell me about their sports injuries. I never really know if they are interested in me personally, or as a business contact, friend, yoga consultant...so, it's a good way in (for me, at least.) Things can progress from there. Oh, please don't kiss any women in the club. We women think it's in bad taste and won't take any guy seriously who does that...And we women won't do that either. (Unless we are at a bachelorette party and are acting crazy)....but we generally look down on men and women who kiss strangers. Anyway, if you get multiple phone numbers in the way I mentioned, it makes you look like you are making contacts, and I wouldn't hold that against any guy. Calling and getting to know the women can be a separate activity.
tanbark813 Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Oh, please don't kiss any women in the club. We women think it's in bad taste and won't take any guy seriously who does that...And we women won't do that either. (Unless we are at a bachelorette party and are acting crazy)....but we generally look down on men and women who kiss strangers. I kissed my current gf in the bar I met her in the night I met her.
nicki Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Well, you are a special case, Tanbark, and I have say, so yummy, too. Not to get off topic, but can you quickly tell us how it happened that you kissed your girlfriend the first night you met her? Might help the OP learn some of your moves!
Author fishtaco Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 Not to get off topic, but can you quickly tell us how it happened that you kissed your girlfriend the first night you met her? Might help the OP learn some of your moves! Thanks for your suggestion nicki. That's certainly an interesting approach. Not what I'm used to personally. If I'm approaching a woman because I'm interested, I'll let her know it's because I'm interested, and not for other purposes. But in the dating game, you can never have enough approach angles. What I'm getting out of this is that I should tone it down. Make it so that what I'm doing could pass as platonic networking, which then allows me to divide and conquer later, when they're not all in the same room. I do alright once I find a woman that's not just playing me. But hey, more techniques the better. I'm all ears.
nicki Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 I understand what you are saying about the women playing you. I was at a bar where a girl was flirting with many men. She was giving off the "I'm sooo available and ready to strip naked" vibe. Men were practically falling all over her....and she had a boyfriend, which she "sweetly" told the guys after they took her signals as a green light to hit on her. Understandably, they were upset and felt played. One guy even said "Why do you act like that if you have a boyfriend and aren't interested in meeting guys? Do you just need your ego stroked?" Bingo. Anyway, I like the networking approach. Like I said, it's non-threatening, and you can continue talking with the women one on one, away from the club scene. However, go ahead, hit on a women and close the deal if you are feeling it. It only makes HER look bad if she's a player type. Other females will know that and feel badly for you, giving you a free pass to try again with a more "worthy" female!
tanbark813 Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Well, you are a special case, Tanbark, and I have say, so yummy, too. Why thank you. Not to get off topic, but can you quickly tell us how it happened that you kissed your girlfriend the first night you met her? Might help the OP learn some of your moves! My band was playing a gig that night and I saw her and her friend walk in. When we finished I was having a drink with my bandmates and saw her so I went over and started talking to her. Just typical chit-chat. Then I told her that she was beautiful and I wanted to take her out sometime so she gave me her number. A little while later we were sitting in the courtyard area of the bar with her friend and one of the guys in my band. I was sitting next to her with my hand on her leg because I was admiring the fishnet stockings. Her friend and my bandmate left and I just turned to her and kissed her. We made out off and on the rest of the night with me occasionally running my fingernails up the back of her scalp. And the rest, as they say, is history.
Author fishtaco Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 Nice tanbark. Being in a band certainly helps, at least with the initial getting their attention the good way. Although there are also women out there that will jump your bones just because you play in a band. I'm sure you've run into those before. I haven't been able to tap that avenue yet. I learned to play guitar and stuff because I wanted to, not because I wanted to use it to get chicks. But it'd certainly be a nice bonus if it does help me land some chicks... err... if my current relationship doesn't last me the rest of my life that is I understand what you are saying about the women playing you. I was at a bar where a girl was flirting with many men. She was giving off the "I'm sooo available and ready to strip naked" vibe. Men were practically falling all over her....and she had a boyfriend, which she "sweetly" told the guys after they took her signals as a green light to hit on her. Understandably, they were upset and felt played. One guy even said "Why do you act like that if you have a boyfriend and aren't interested in meeting guys? Do you just need your ego stroked?" Bingo. That's pretty common. If you push it they'll just say they're naturally friendly and it was you that misunderstood the signals. It's okay, I have nothing against women like that. Play on sistas. I truly believe in all-is-fair, so I won't get mad at them for playing their games. But it also means whatever I do is fair too. But back on topic. I think if I become single again, I'd need to fine tune this thing. Being too friendly-like WILL cause the spark to fizzle, I've had that happen before too. So it's basically pushing the limit as much as possible while you can still make it seem to other women that you're just networking. That is probably the trickiest part of this technique.
Trialbyfire Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Hey fishtaco. I agree that playing two women within plain sight of each other would turn me off. I've watched guys work a room and it's a turnoff. If you're going to do it, you'd better be discreet about it. What's also a turnoff is watching women all over one guy. It's like a big, red flag for me.
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