I'm in LC after 3 months NC! What do I do?

June 4, 2008

Finally bit the bullet and text the ex. It was tentive and I held back a lot of emotions to protect my heart, and I was terrified he would respond in his usual "attack is the best form of defence" crap. I simply said that time heals and how was he doing.

Half an hour later he text me back in a lot of detail. He told me what he was up to, how is family was doing, said he hoped me and my family were all ok........... and then he said "I hope work has finally recognised all that you do with a promotion. X"

I text him back but unfortunately sent the text to his other phone which is always switched off! I didn't realise at the time though.

The next day as I was packing my bag for work, I picked up my phone and he had text me again - 12 hours after I had text him. This time asking how I was. I was a little puzzled because I had already answered him, (in the text he never got ), so I kept my reply brief and didn't ask anymore questions.

Later on that day I realised my mistake and text again to say that I had mistakenly text the wrong phone the day before.

I have had no reply.

Is this because I have had asked no more questions and kept it really brief?

Do you think I've played it too cool?

His 1st text was really sweet, and it was like no time had really passed since the last time we spoke. He was open and friendly, and very giving with information.

I'm sooooooooooooooo confused. I wanted him to text me because he wanted to, not because he felt he had to keep answering questions.

HELP!

June 4, 2008

This confusion. It's a familiar friend to me.

I don't like it and I don't want it. I'm keeping away from it.

Hm... how come you broke NC? Were you ready to?

June 4, 2008

More than ready to break it. I feel that, even if we don't speak again I feel relieved that all the anger is gone. I can move on from the actual break-up, but I am still left thinking about the relationship.

His response was lovely, complimentary and caring. I apprecaited it. If anything, I came across as the bitch. Typical. Maybe he would have liked me to ask more questions, he left it open for me to ask lots about him. I know he would have answered them. Just a big step for me and I need a few days to recover.

June 5, 2008

I'm with OHP. on this. I avoid the cofusion too. That is what keeps me from sending a text. But in your situation you did what you wanted to do and that is healthy for you. Three months is a long time of n/c. I wonder why you contacted him after having done n/c for that long. Curiousity?

June 7, 2008

I always considered myself a good girlfriend. I did a lot for him, supported him, was romantic, loved his family - basically nothing made me happier than to mae him happy. Our relationship was my number one priority and yet he was becoming increasingly abusive towards me as time wore on. I blamed the stresses in his life. He was deeply depressed, and I knew he was hiding things from me, (insomnia, crying, driving around all night), however he would get furious if I ever tried to talk to him about it.

I eneded up ending it because he was:

1) Taking all his problems out on me

2) Put preasure on me to be the perfect girl yet he could act like a selfish, nasty man

3) If everything wasn't 100% right I got the blame - 95% wasn't good enough

4) Didn't put as much effort in the relationship as me and didn't appreciate everything I did for him

5) Started to chip away at my self confidence and turned me into a very fragile and nervous person who watched her behaviour constantly

6) Never listened to me, and always put his mouth into gear without thinking first - he could be incredibly insensitive and insulting but if I fought back I would be shouted down

He insisted on NC when we broke up, and I also felt it was best. I had lost all of my confidence, and even though it was excrusiating to break-up with him, I knew I had made the right decision. We were both devestated, and he was incredibly shocked!

I felt like if I got in contact with him he would be horrible to me, because he was incredibly defensive the last time we saw each other. But he was really lovely, added kisses and compliments to his text. I know he has missed me. I haven't prompted anymore response from him, and we haven't text after checking that we were both getting on ok, but I wouldn't hesitate getting in touch with him again in a couple of weeks time to see what he got on his uni degree.

This man told me I was the only girl he has ever seen a future with. He is 34 and lives at home with his mother and has no kids/never ben married. When we split up he forced me to take the blame for everything that happened, even though I basically stood up to him because I couldn't take anymore.

I have never hurt anyone in my life - its just not in my nature. My biggest downfall is putting other people's feelings before my own and hurting myslef. I have felt, (because on this occasion I have put myself first), an enourmos sense of guilt and self loathing. I left someone who loved me because he was abusing me, and I broke his heart. I was torturing myself because I shouldn't be carrying this around with me, I needed to do this for me. His response was so lovely, and I appreciate it so much. I feel a great sense of relief and healing.

I care about him so much and I will be checking in on him every now and then, but I don't see him changing so there is no chance of a reconcilliation I don't think. It has helped me move on, and his response shows me that he too has got a bit of closure.

Some people might criticise this post, but unless you have been in a relationship where someone expects you to fix all their problems for them, then you cannot comment on the guilt you feel when you feel forced to leave and try and mend yourself.

June 7, 2008