sweetlee102 Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Hi everyone, figured I could use some advice, ha as always. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months. Things are really going well but I cant seem to stop worrying about him meeting/talking to other girls. Its not so much him as me, i have unfort been like this in all my relationships. My boyfriend is online ALOT. He works 12 hour shifts and they are allowed to be online to pass time, etc. He is also online when he is home and we arent hanging out. I met him online , on yahoo personals. He has since taken down his profile and i have as well. When i am on work he will go on google chat to talk to me because its the only one i get acess here. Usually he is always on yahoo messanger. I dont know i get jealous when i see him signed onto it. I can see he is on in eventhough I cant sign on at work. I get obsessive about it. Ill keep checking to see if he is still on. he will sign on there before he signs on to talk to me somtimes. I dont know i just wonder who he is talking to. he has told me he has chatted with poeple for 7 years that he never met on there and does not plan on ever meeting them. They are just online friends. I just dont want to get hurt, be burned or played for a fool. I dont know how to calm my nerves. I know heloves me but what if im not enough? i dont know. I dont really want to nag all the time and ask who are you talkign to on there and i obviously cant say i spy to see if you are on. He knows about my insecurities but not the extent of how bad they really are. Any advice would be much appreciated. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Linux Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Calm down and stop being jealous over petty ****. My last gf talked to a lot of guys online, mostly ones she knew from high school. I didn't care, I was the one she was sleeping with every night.
aubree1982 Posted June 5, 2008 Posted June 5, 2008 I agree that this may not be someone you need to worry about BUT the fact is it bothers you! It sounds like you have have expressed your concerns with your bf, how did he respond to your concerns? It sounds to me that you have trust issues that you need to deal with on your own and that maybe it has nothing to do with your bf..have you been jealous like this in past relationships?
Author sweetlee102 Posted June 6, 2008 Author Posted June 6, 2008 I agree that this may not be someone you need to worry about BUT the fact is it bothers you! It sounds like you have have expressed your concerns with your bf, how did he respond to your concerns? It sounds to me that you have trust issues that you need to deal with on your own and that maybe it has nothing to do with your bf..have you been jealous like this in past relationships? I have mentioned it to him and he tells me im silly and have nothing to worry about. he seems shocked that i do worry about that actually. I have been jealous like that in the past unfortunately. I see so much cheating going on every where else and it makes me worry
Pocky Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 The problem isn't so much that he's talking online, but that you have no control over who he's talking to and you have no insight as to what he's talking about. Your need to control his behavior in order to calm your fears and insecurities about being cheated on isn't really fair to him. If he's going to cheat he'll find a way to cheat and you 'stopping' him from talking online isn't going to thwart his cheating. I'm a firm believer that you can't make someone be faithful by watching their behavior - they're faithful because they want to be. And if he's not going to be faithful the sooner you find out the better. Love is taking a chance - that's why it's so exhilarating. Live and stop being afraid of pain - that's how you learn to love deeper.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 A few posters hit it on the head. I think the hardest thing for anyone to do in a relationship is to just let people be themselves and let them have as much power in the relationship as they do. And the underlying issue is fear. Fear of being hurt, being made to look the fool, to waste time, emotions, and effort on someone and something that turned out to be a waste. This is the truth all readers, your man or woman will or will not cheat on you, not because you make it hard or impossible for them to do so, but because they choose to. A man or woman is going to treat you like there life because they want to. The same for you, you are going to lie to your significant other, not because they made you, but because you want to. You are going to bring them flowers, where that sexy outfit, or let them in because you it pleases you to. So, do you have something to worry about? Is he cheating? Has he betrayed you? No one knows but him. Are you silly for thinking this way? No. Should you feel this way? Should you have this sense of jealousy? It all depends, is it affecting your relationship? Is it the kind of jealousy that is unhealthy? If it is, then yes, there is something wrong. And maybe you should talk to someone about it. Maybe there is something from your past that has come to play with your present (i.e. a betray of you or maybe your witnessing the betray of another). I mean, we all have these dark feelings that comes with the kind of trust that comes from an special relationship that comes from being a couple. And we have to have them to protect ourselves and the one we love. The trick is not letting these natural feelings become the master of our feelings and interactions. DNR
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