dprice218 Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Hey everyone, Quick question about the dating game, since I've been out of the loop for 3 years and just got out of that relationship about 6-7 weeks ago. So last Sunday I went on a date with this girl who actually emailed me through craiglist, lol. She's educated, hot, and the date went well. We had a good 30-40 min. conversation, saw a movie, held hands, and kissed (with tongue, not completely making out). I'm usually kind of critical about people I kiss, that is, its hard for me to kiss someone and not find something I can say that was subpar about it (I know, kind of jerkish) but she was a REALLY nice person to kiss. Anyway, I was still kind of worried the next morning, because towards the end of the date when we spoke about another meeting she said "well I'm really busy this coming week" then proceeded to name the things she had to do, then told me "but we'll figure it out". Then we kissed, and if not for the kissing, I would have been a bit skeptical about given the last comment. Anyway, next morning she IMs me and asks how I'm doing, and talked about the movie a bit. I wanted to keep the conversation short so after chit-chat I excused myself because I needed to go running. I told her to let me know when she knows her schedule so we can figure out the next date. I think defaulting to her on when the next date would be was sort of a mistake. This is Monday. Late that evening we exchanged texts, just about our days, and I wished her good luck on her upcoming interview (again, probably a mistake). Anyway yesterday (Tues) I didn't talk to her and today I'm not going to either. I'm actually going on another date tonight, but to be honest, my thoughts are with her. I've been going on a couple dates now since the break up, and I'm having fun, but she's the only one I kissed and felt mutual physical chemistry with. I want to get together with her this weekend but don't want to appear desperate. I'm very analytic about this all and know that while I'm certain she enjoyed the kissing, I'm a bit skeptical in general and know that these first dates are crucial. We agreed on doing something more active for our second date, like hiking. So sadly the weather is kind of influential in our ability to do that. I was thinking I'd call her tomorrow (Thursday) to see about another date. What are you guys' thoughts?
Author dprice218 Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 by the way, she's 21 and I'm 23 and she similarly ended a 3 year relationship (sounds like about the same time I did). And so we're both kind out not used to formal dating, since in college formal dating isn't really so formal, heh.
D-Lish Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Yeah, call and ask for sure. If she wasn't interested she wouldn't still be talking to you. You're not going to come off as desperate if you ask her out... I suspect that is exactly what she is waiting for you to do. If a guy waits too long to ask me out again- I will assume he isn't interested and start looking elsewhere...
Author dprice218 Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 Thanks Should I wait until tomorrow or go ahead and ask her today? lol, I feel so foolish because in reality it ought not make THAT much of a difference.
D-Lish Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Thanks Should I wait until tomorrow or go ahead and ask her today? lol, I feel so foolish because in reality it ought not make THAT much of a difference. Well, today is Wednesday... and if you want to see her Friday- I'd ask today. 2 days notice is good. I just caution people not to get overly hung up on playing the time frame game. If you like her enough to see her again- ask away! You haven't been overboard with contact ... If anything, you've been light on the contact. Are you worried she is going to decline? Is that what you are worried about? Or just more worried about playing the "game" properly? Maybe you could text her today or tomorrow and ask if she is free Saturday. If she is interested- she will say yes- or if she is busy, she will say "no", but give you an alternative day she is free. Give her a specific day though.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 I just caution people not to get overly hung up on playing the time frame game. If you like her enough to see her again- ask away! You haven't been overboard with contact ... If anything, you've been light on the contact. This is fairly good advice. Sometimes it helps just to say upfront that your not really into playing games and that you are definitely interested in her. That way you don't have to worry much about timing things. Just don't get all clingy and I love you before date #2. Also try to have a plan when you ask her out. If she mentioned something previously that you can use thats bonus points.
BrooklynBridge Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 This is a good topic. If you go on a date with someone and its going well, and you know you're going to want to see her again, you must ask for the second date during the first date!! This is sooo important. I work in sales, and when you have a meeting and you want to have a follow up meeting, you cannot leave until the prospect commits to a date and time for the second meeting. Sooo true with dating, if you know you want to see the person again, be assertive and ask for the second date and make the date during the first one. Then all the "when should i call her" crap doesn't even come up! Trust me, this is the best way to get your second date....
lovestruck818 Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Hey everyone, Quick question about the dating game, since I've been out of the loop for 3 years and just got out of that relationship about 6-7 weeks ago. So last Sunday I went on a date with this girl who actually emailed me through craiglist, lol. She's educated, hot, and the date went well. We had a good 30-40 min. conversation, saw a movie, held hands, and kissed (with tongue, not completely making out). I'm usually kind of critical about people I kiss, that is, its hard for me to kiss someone and not find something I can say that was subpar about it (I know, kind of jerkish) but she was a REALLY nice person to kiss. Anyway, I was still kind of worried the next morning, because towards the end of the date when we spoke about another meeting she said "well I'm really busy this coming week" then proceeded to name the things she had to do, then told me "but we'll figure it out". Then we kissed, and if not for the kissing, I would have been a bit skeptical about given the last comment. Anyway, next morning she IMs me and asks how I'm doing, and talked about the movie a bit. I wanted to keep the conversation short so after chit-chat I excused myself because I needed to go running. I told her to let me know when she knows her schedule so we can figure out the next date. I think defaulting to her on when the next date would be was sort of a mistake. This is Monday. Late that evening we exchanged texts, just about our days, and I wished her good luck on her upcoming interview (again, probably a mistake). Anyway yesterday (Tues) I didn't talk to her and today I'm not going to either. I'm actually going on another date tonight, but to be honest, my thoughts are with her. I've been going on a couple dates now since the break up, and I'm having fun, but she's the only one I kissed and felt mutual physical chemistry with. I want to get together with her this weekend but don't want to appear desperate. I'm very analytic about this all and know that while I'm certain she enjoyed the kissing, I'm a bit skeptical in general and know that these first dates are crucial. We agreed on doing something more active for our second date, like hiking. So sadly the weather is kind of influential in our ability to do that. I was thinking I'd call her tomorrow (Thursday) to see about another date. What are you guys' thoughts? Is that you in the picture on your icon? oooh, you're a cutie. I dated a guy from Rochester once...moved down to NYC though...raved about it all the time. Ever go to Pittsford Pub? He never did make me that "garbage plate."
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 This is a good topic. If you go on a date with someone and its going well, and you know you're going to want to see her again, you must ask for the second date during the first date!! This is sooo important. I work in sales, and when you have a meeting and you want to have a follow up meeting, you cannot leave until the prospect commits to a date and time for the second meeting. Sooo true with dating, if you know you want to see the person again, be assertive and ask for the second date and make the date during the first one. Then all the "when should i call her" crap doesn't even come up! Trust me, this is the best way to get your second date.... I love it when guys do this.
BrooklynBridge Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 I love it when guys do this. I do it every time! That is, if I genuinely want to see her again...... And FYI - A GREAT technique to pull this off during the first date, is to guide the conversation about something that you don't really want to talk about and say, "I'll tell you xyz story if you go on second date with me" then the conversation will shift into planning the next date and whatever you were gonna tell the person is pretty much a moot point, because guaranteed, their mind will still be occupied with thinking about seeing you again and not xyz story.....
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 This is a good topic. If you go on a date with someone and its going well, and you know you're going to want to see her again, you must ask for the second date during the first date!! This is sooo important. I work in sales, and when you have a meeting and you want to have a follow up meeting, you cannot leave until the prospect commits to a date and time for the second meeting. Sooo true with dating, if you know you want to see the person again, be assertive and ask for the second date and make the date during the first one. Then all the "when should i call her" crap doesn't even come up! Trust me, this is the best way to get your second date.... This is why most CEO's come from a sales background. I wonder if we are better at dating as well? ABC!
Balthazar Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 This is a good topic. If you go on a date with someone and its going well, and you know you're going to want to see her again, you must ask for the second date during the first date!! This is sooo important. I work in sales, and when you have a meeting and you want to have a follow up meeting, you cannot leave until the prospect commits to a date and time for the second meeting. Sooo true with dating, if you know you want to see the person again, be assertive and ask for the second date and make the date during the first one. Then all the "when should i call her" crap doesn't even come up! Trust me, this is the best way to get your second date.... I'm not sure about this Brooklyn. I always prefer to see if the girl is thinking in a future tense about us by noting any remarks she says during the evening. I then call a few days after the first date to set up the second. Two days after the first date is fine, as is two days notice. I never set up a second date on a first date, it has never seemed right and interestingly enough since you mentioned it, it comes across as if I am trying to sell something, when in fact, I would prefer she made up her mind by herself. CHeers,
BrooklynBridge Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 This is why most CEO's come from a sales background. I wonder if we are better at dating as well? ABC! I've been writing my thoughts about the similarities between sales and dating, and using fundamental sales concepts when dating and their effectiveness. Afterall, isn't dating really sales? Aren't we trying to sell ourselves to our prospect (the date) and trying move them along in the sales process? ie. to close them, whatever you define the endgame, a relationship, sex, companionship, whatever your intentions are...... Think about it. We Prospect: go on a first date to qualify if the other person is potential buyer, of you! We Develop a Rapport: if you get along well, the prospect will likely want to spend more time with We make a Presentation: on subsequent dates, we aim to show the other person why we are worth buying into We ask for the Sale: whatever you define as the ultimate goal of dating...... ALWAYS BE CLOSING IS RIGHT!!
Balthazar Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 The analogy is interesting Brooklyn, but what about the times you have been pressured into buying something that you didn't actually want? You would like you money back, wouldn't you?
BrooklynBridge Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 The analogy is interesting Brooklyn, but what about the times you have been pressured into buying something that you didn't actually want? You would like you money back, wouldn't you? I wouldn't know the answer to that question. Sales people are impervious to being pressured into buying something they don't actually want.....
D-Lish Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 The analogy is interesting Brooklyn, but what about the times you have been pressured into buying something that you didn't actually want? You would like you money back, wouldn't you? lol... The bottom line for me is that I have made up my mind within 5 minutes of meeting a person if I want to go on a second date with them. Whether I like them or not- if they ask me out again during the first date- I will give a tentative "yes" to avoid any awkwardness. I think it's great to end a date with: I had fun, I'd like to see you again... then call and set something up.
Art_Critic Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 This is a good topic. If you go on a date with someone and its going well, and you know you're going to want to see her again, you must ask for the second date during the first date!! This is sooo important. I work in sales, and when you have a meeting and you want to have a follow up meeting, you cannot leave until the prospect commits to a date and time for the second meeting. Sooo true with dating, if you know you want to see the person again, be assertive and ask for the second date and make the date during the first one. Then all the "when should i call her" crap doesn't even come up! Trust me, this is the best way to get your second date.... So pressuring her into a committed second date before she has had a chance to fully go over the date in her head is what you do ? Personally I would think you get a lot of false "ok's" only to later cancel on you.. I know you are in sales.. So if someone is pressuring me for a commitment I go along with them only to dump their high pressure sales back in their own lap when I don't contact them again. What you are trained in is door to door type sales pitches that work when you get your foot in the door.. Women are not like that.. You can discuss the second date but to ask her to commit is just asking to be stood up or canceled on... when I was single I would ask for a second date about on tues or wend if the date happened on the weekend..
rosalie Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Day 2-3 after the first date. Good or bad you both at least know what's happening - it's not stalkerish but polite.
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