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She cheated and I dont know !


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Posted

Okay, I have been with my girlfriend for going on six years now. We have always talked about having a child so recently we went into artificial insemination and the result turned out positve. We are now expecting twins!

 

But for the past month or so we have been so distant towards each other. We were the type of ppl to always go out to the clubs have fun together. When I got pregnant I couldn't do that anymore so I decided to let her go alone once in a while.

 

The first time she went out was on May the 2nd she went out and came home at th eright time and everything was great. So I trusted her enough to to it agian. Well on May 3rd we both go out and hang out with friends and I want to leave around 12:30 or so. She dont want to so I left her there I of course was mad because she said she would leave when I was ready.

 

Memorial Day weekend May 23rd was the second time she went out alone. But the week b4 that she was treating me like crap and was telling me that she don't feel like she is in love with me anymore. I ignore what she has to say cuz she is the type to say hurtful things when life aint going the way she wants it too.

 

So she goes out and I told her that her curfew was at 3am. She was fine with that but three rolls around and she aint home. Then 5,8,9 and still nothing till around ten she comes and has the nerve to ask me whats wrong with me and I tell her not to ask me such a stupid question. Well we get in a huge arguement and she leaves to stay with a friend and returns on sunday morning.

 

We are still fighting alot getting on each others nerves and she and I are real distant towards each other this whole time. So she makes the decision to take a break for a couple of days so she can decide what she wants to do. Well she leaves on thursday night and returns Monday morning. When she returns I have alot of question to ask her.

 

Because I can't believe that she would fall out of love with me for no reason so I believed she was messing around on me. So I asked her over and over if she was and I could just see the quilt on her face. She confessed that she did mess around with this women but that it was nothing major they only flirted and pecked.

 

Then later as the day goes on she tells me more and more about the situation. She had been talking to the OW since May 3rd when I left they started takling like friends and then they exchange numbers they would text and talk on the phone whenever they had a chance. Mayb once twice a week. The first time the actually messed around was on May 23rd.

Then again on May 30th.

 

She told me that she started to like this OW because she was cool to talk to and that she and her would talk about the problem they both had. Then it became physical and emotional they both go thier feeling involved and she was so confused about what she wanted to do. She dosent know if she wants to be in a relationship anymore. 1st of all cuz she dont feel love for me anymore. Well on Monday she stayed at home with me but come tuesday I am thinking about the way we are towards each other and how she is torn between two of us.

 

She tells me Iwant to make everything right with you but I cant get it out of my head bout the OW I think about it over and over. So I told her that I couldnt have her at the house if she dont know what she really wnats that she needs to leave and really decide about what she really wants. I at the same time can't come to believe I could ever get over what she did. Idk if I can forgive her for it. But at the same time here I am pregnant and very confused.

Posted

Your GF is worthless! I wouldn't even treat my dog like that.

 

There are people out there that will treat you with respect and dignity. My suggestion is that you go find them. Leaving the choice up to her is selling yourself short. I think your worth more than that. Do you feel it's worth it if you have to compete for her love?

Posted

First off hun I am so sorry for what you are going through. (((Hugs))).

I know you love her and I know you are hurting but you have to take care of you and your babies!

 

Put you and yours first and tell her to get out until she can get her $h!t together!

 

You don't need this stress right now! It is totally up to you to decide if you even want her in your life anymore but please put yourself first and take care of yourself.

It is obvious she is only thinking about herself so you need to do the same!

  • Author
Posted
First off hun I am so sorry for what you are going through. (((Hugs))).

I know you love her and I know you are hurting but you have to take care of you and your babies!

 

Put you and yours first and tell her to get out until she can get her $h!t together!

 

You don't need this stress right now! It is totally up to you to decide if you even want her in your life anymore but please put yourself first and take care of yourself.

It is obvious she is only thinking about herself so you need to do the same!

 

 

 

 

I really want to confront the OW about this whole situation I only know her side and I want to know both of them. Would that be wrong of me? I know who the other woman is and she knows me and who I am. So thats why I really want to do it!

Posted
I really want to confront the OW about this whole situation I only know her side and I want to know both of them. Would that be wrong of me? I know who the other woman is and she knows me and who I am. So thats why I really want to do it!

 

Why? Would that give you closure?

 

Your GF is the one who made you a promise. She is the one who owes you fidelity, not this OW. Keep close in mind who you should be angry with if you do choose to contact her.

Posted
Your GF is the one who made you a promise. She is the one who owes you fidelity, not this OW. Keep close in mind who you should be angry with if you do choose to contact her.

 

I know who the other woman is and she knows me and who I am.

 

She KNOWS the OW and the OW knows her, so because of this, she has EVERY right to confront her. Sorry but the OW isn't innocent and she deserves 'some' of the anger her way as well. Yes, most of the blame should be on her own girlfriend since she is the one who chose to cheat.

Posted
I really want to confront the OW about this whole situation I only know her side and I want to know both of them. Would that be wrong of me? I know who the other woman is and she knows me and who I am. So thats why I really want to do it!

 

If that is what you feel like you need to do, I say do it but you are pregnant and you don't need to do anything that is going to put you or your babies in danger. Really take some time and think about if you think this will be good for you in the long run. I don't think it is wrong for you to do it but I don't think you need to get upset or even have to deal with all this drama right now but only you know what you can handle.

 

If you think this will help you or give you closure I say go for it! Just please use your head and stay safe. How well do you know this OW? Do you have a pretty good idea of what she is capable of? Some OW are real nutjobs (my H's XOW was) and your top priorities should be staying safe and healthy for those two little miracles growing inside you right now.

 

Please keep us updated and hang in there!:)

Posted

Confront the OW then leave the whole mess in the dust. I understand that sometimes it gives a lot of closure to the situation hearing all sides. But after that leave and don't look back, enjoy your babies all to yourself and eventually a respectable woman will love all three of you the right way. Your girl said she doesn't love you anymore, no matter what her reason or motive for saying it, heed it like it is true. no child needs that kind of instability especially twins. And don't forget to thank your gf for letting you know so early, she could been even more of an ass and waited to play mommy for a little while and then pulled this stunt. I have seen this scenario played out on downelink all too often.

  • Author
Posted

Well I texted the OW and I told her what I thought of her and the whole situation. She never text me back cuz I guess she is a coward. (go figure)

The g/f and I talked about our situation and we decided we would try our best to work things out. She says that the reason she feels confused about the feelings she feels for me is bcuz she did a very wrong thing and she feels more quilt towards me than anything right now.

 

So I am going to try my best and try to forgive her and put it behind me for the sake of our babies. Its good to know that she did not sleep with the OW and it was just a flirt/kissing kind of cheating. I know thats still bad!! I love my g/f more than anything and the reason it hurts so bad is cuz I didn't think there were any problems between us. We were the couple everyone of our friends looked up to. =(

  • Author
Posted

Well I am wanting to know from anyone that has gone thru a break. How do you start to act when they come back? Like do you act like normal or try to be lovey? Idk how she is gonna act. How did your SO act when they came back towards you? Well since they were the ones that cheated I figured they would be kissing your a** all the time.

Posted
Well I am wanting to know from anyone that has gone thru a break. How do you start to act when they come back? Like do you act like normal or try to be lovey? Idk how she is gonna act. How did your SO act when they came back towards you? Well since they were the ones that cheated I figured they would be kissing your a** all the time.

 

My H and I took a short break because when I found out about the A I told him to get out. He was gone for about a week. When he came back he was ready to work on us. He tried to be lovey from the time he came back but I just couldn't get into it, you know? I kept my distance from him for a while because I wanted to be sure that he was there because he wanted me for me and not just someone to fall back on.

 

I didn't really know how to act towards him because I was not going to let him hurt me like that again so for a while I was a real b!tch and he just took it, told me he understood why I felt the way I did because of what he did to me and that he would spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to me.

 

I have learned not to go by his words, but by his actions and so far things are good.:)

 

I do wish you the best in reconciling with your partner and I wish you and your family all the happiness in the world!

  • Author
Posted
My H and I took a short break because when I found out about the A I told him to get out. He was gone for about a week. When he came back he was ready to work on us. He tried to be lovey from the time he came back but I just couldn't get into it, you know? I kept my distance from him for a while because I wanted to be sure that he was there because he wanted me for me and not just someone to fall back on.

 

I didn't really know how to act towards him because I was not going to let him hurt me like that again so for a while I was a real b!tch and he just took it, told me he understood why I felt the way I did because of what he did to me and that he would spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to me.

 

I have learned not to go by his words, but by his actions and so far things are good.:)

 

I do wish you the best in reconciling with your partner and I wish you and your family all the happiness in the world!

Thank you so much!! Well Idk about the way ill feel when she does come back but I do know its not going to be the same. For one she is so woriied about how she going to feel when she comes home. She says that its going to be strange cuz she is not used to being there. Idk know why she is coming back. But I wish myself the best!

Posted

I have learned not to go by his words, but by his actions and so far things are good.:)

 

This is really good advice. I kicked my H out for 9months after he cheated on me. And that is exactly what I do now that we are back together. Actions never lie, but word can be misleading. I think the break has greatly improved things for us. Even though I was very bitter towards him at first he dealt with it because he new he deserved it. Now things are much smoother and I am much less bitter, but my eyes are now wide open.

  • Author
Posted

I have learned not to go by his words, but by his actions and so far things are good.:)

 

This is really good advice. I kicked my H out for 9months after he cheated on me. And that is exactly what I do now that we are back together. Actions never lie, but word can be misleading. I think the break has greatly improved things for us. Even though I was very bitter towards him at first he dealt with it because he new he deserved it. Now things are much smoother and I am much less bitter, but my eyes are now wide open.

Well like I asked her "do you think about how you are gonna be towards me when you come back" and she says "yea" but dont explain herself. Its like I am the one that wants her to come home and work thing out with me. But she should come home for her own will. Idk Im so confused!! Shes coming back but acts like she really dont want to. But when I told her it was over and for her to stay over there where shes at she says "no our love is strong and we can work thru this" I said well you need to show me affection she said "we been together too long" ugh!!!

Posted

Well like I asked her "do you think about how you are gonna be towards me when you come back" and she says "yea" but dont explain herself. Its like I am the one that wants her to come home and work thing out with me. But she should come home for her own will. Idk Im so confused!! Shes coming back but acts like she really dont want to. But when I told her it was over and for her to stay over there where shes at she says "no our love is strong and we can work thru this" I said well you need to show me affection she said "we been together too long" ugh!!!

 

I know it can be very frustrating and depressing at times but at this point you really need to be watching her actions. If I were you I would let her come home on her own. If she knows that you are sitting there waiting on her to come home she knows she has the power over the relationship. I would tell her "come home if you really want to work on us and only if you are 100% sure. If you are not stay out of my life because I am not going to wait for you to decide any longer."

 

At one point, not long after my H came home, I told him, " your words don't mean $h!t to me. You have lied to me over and over. If you love me and want to be with me, prove it." and he did and does everyday.

 

Hang in there hun and do what you think is best for you!:)

Posted

I have learned not to go by his words, but by his actions and so far things are good.:)

 

This is really good advice. I kicked my H out for 9months after he cheated on me. And that is exactly what I do now that we are back together. Actions never lie, but word can be misleading. I think the break has greatly improved things for us. Even though I was very bitter towards him at first he dealt with it because he new he deserved it. Now things are much smoother and I am much less bitter, but my eyes are now wide open.

 

Thank you.:)

 

My eyes are also now "wide open".

I heard a saying once, don't know if I'm wording it correctly but,

 

"believe only half of what you see and none of what you hear"

 

like I said I don't know if I recited it back right but the meaning has stuck with me over the years.

 

It's good to see another couple making it after an affair!

Wishing you the best of luck and much happiness!:D

Posted

Wow..jj you sound like me.lol.

But back to the problem at hand..if your girl is making you almost sound like you are begging for her back then you need to tell her that her actions are saying she doesn't want you and you will be there if she turns into a better gf but if she keeps acting this way you are better without her. With my husband I changed my number after I kicked him out and was as cold as a fish towards him when he finally came to see his kids( cold but not sad..just kinda acted like it was a business meeting that I didn't want to be at). I also gave him enough time to really reflect on how he had behaved, and then when I felt like his heart was in the right place I told him that if he changed( and I listed everything I wanted changed) I would consider working things out. And once he did fix what was broken inside of him I took him back. You need to just let your gf fix herself. It isn't with within your powers to fix a broken person, she has to do that on her own( she sounds like there are some demons haunting her)

  • Author
Posted
Wow..jj you sound like me.lol.

But back to the problem at hand..if your girl is making you almost sound like you are begging for her back then you need to tell her that her actions are saying she doesn't want you and you will be there if she turns into a better gf but if she keeps acting this way you are better without her. With my husband I changed my number after I kicked him out and was as cold as a fish towards him when he finally came to see his kids( cold but not sad..just kinda acted like it was a business meeting that I didn't want to be at). I also gave him enough time to really reflect on how he had behaved, and then when I felt like his heart was in the right place I told him that if he changed( and I listed everything I wanted changed) I would consider working things out. And once he did fix what was broken inside of him I took him back. You need to just let your gf fix herself. It isn't with within your powers to fix a broken person, she has to do that on her own( she sounds like there are some demons haunting her)

I gave her a week to decide wat the hell she wants cuz im not gonna sit here and wait on noone! I am getting so used to her being gone its like idk anymore. I mean I care about here but if she leaves or not is really not a big deal. But if it does happen it may change.
  • Author
Posted

Well last night she came and got all her stuff. It hurts really bad and idk wat to do! But ima be strong and move on from all this. Well she is staying in a town that is about 30 mins away well today on my way to work i seen her coming from the direction of the OW's apt. I could not believe that she is already staying with the OW! Dang! Did that hurt! OMG!!! She left all this for that i mean her babies and me the woman in her life for 6 yrs. But like i said ima be strong and move on from this.

Posted
Well last night she came and got all her stuff. It hurts really bad and idk wat to do! But ima be strong and move on from all this. Well she is staying in a town that is about 30 mins away well today on my way to work i seen her coming from the direction of the OW's apt. I could not believe that she is already staying with the OW! Dang! Did that hurt! OMG!!! She left all this for that i mean her babies and me the woman in her life for 6 yrs. But like i said ima be strong and move on from this.

 

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Hugs. Just keep thinking about what is best for you and your children. She is not worth your time! You deserve soooo much better! Stay strong and healthy and over time you will heal from this. Keep posting if you need to! We are here for support!

Hang in there!:)

  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author
Posted

Okay so we talked last nite and we decided to try to work things out but she is still living with her friend. Do you guys think that it's a good idea to do that? I told her a couple of things she has to do to start off with to show me she wants to make this work. I told her to come stay the nite with me so we can start to get use to each other again and to see how things are going to be. tell me your input. please!

Posted
Okay so we talked last nite and we decided to try to work things out but she is still living with her friend. Do you guys think that it's a good idea to do that? I told her a couple of things she has to do to start off with to show me she wants to make this work. I told her to come stay the nite with me so we can start to get use to each other again and to see how things are going to be. tell me your input. please!

 

If she wants to work things out with you, she needs to go NC (no contact) with the OW. She is cake eating. She is trying to have the best of both worlds and she will keep acting like this as long as you allow it. Stand your ground! Tell her that she has to choose- you or OW. She needs to make a decision. If you don't force it, she will continue to string both of you along for as long as she can.

Good luck and stay strong! Don't let her treat you like a doormat!

  • Author
Posted
If she wants to work things out with you, she needs to go NC (no contact) with the OW. She is cake eating. She is trying to have the best of both worlds and she will keep acting like this as long as you allow it. Stand your ground! Tell her that she has to choose- you or OW. She needs to make a decision. If you don't force it, she will continue to string both of you along for as long as she can.

Good luck and stay strong! Don't let her treat you like a doormat!

That was one of the things I told her she needed to stop doing as of right now if she wants to try. She says she will but, how am i to know if its still going on? I am trying my best to stand my ground. I wont let her take advantage of me as soon as i find out she has lied or that she still has contact with OW then ima just tell her to forget bout trying.

Posted

I am sorry I haven't seen your updates until now. She isn't a solid enough person for you right now. I think you started to feel a need for her again once you saw her coming from the OWs house. She is going to make too much stress for you while you are pregnant..you are a high risk pregnancy and don't have the time for her sh*t. Leave her be, OW or not. You will be amazed once these babies are born how much you will feel like you don't need her anymore. No matter how much you loved her, your babies will completely fill that void. She is a cake eater and doesn't deserve to be a part of your pregnancy. Maybe she is going through a phase and it will pass, but stay away from her until it has completely run its course and she is begging for you back. The best time for you to be receptive to her again is after the babies are 6 months old.

Posted
That was one of the things I told her she needed to stop doing as of right now if she wants to try. She says she will but, how am i to know if its still going on? I am trying my best to stand my ground. I wont let her take advantage of me as soon as i find out she has lied or that she still has contact with OW then ima just tell her to forget bout trying.

 

How is she going to go NC while she still lives with the OW? Or is she really living with a friend? Does she have anywhere else she could stay until you can work things out? IMO, she should get a place of her own or stay with relatives, etc. until she can figure out for sure what she wants. If she is living with OW, she needs to move out of there ASAP.

 

How will you know if it is still going on? That's the hard part. You can't be with her 24/7 but what my H did to help gain my trust back was he gave me passwords to his email accounts, he let me check his phone anytime I wanted to. He also hold the OW in front of me that it really was over between them and not to try to contact him (or me) again.

 

I would not let her come and stay with you and still be living with the OW too. Why would she choose who she wants to be with when she could have both? You need to set some boundaries and make some guidelines for her to follow if she wants to be with you.

 

Good luck and take care of yourself!

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