white_lilac Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Ok, so I have been with this guy for about 7 months now and everything seems to be "perfect", sure we have our moments, but all in all we are perfect together. I feel as though he is my soulmate!! We have so much in common it's almost scary...anyway... We do seem to always have one problem. Our kids. He has three I have three and they are all about the same age. Like kids they have the usual disaggreements and we always seem to be brought into the middle of it. Usually I take on after my kids and he does his, which causes HUGE problems with us. Well, he wanted to take a "chill period" this weekend, (we worked it out again) because he takes everything his daughter says as the full truth. I on the other hand believed my son, (both stories were the same, my child just elaborated a little more on the happenings and the whys). I feel he is constantly attacking my kids and putting them down in a round about way when he points out their flaws and says "I hope you know that if we live together this...won't be happening" or "Tell him no" do this, do that...are your kids spoiled? I do beleive that my kids do get a lot of what they want but spoiled,...no!! If I speak out about his kids at all he get mad. What do we do to get over this and be sure we work out? Oh...our kids come first in both of our lives, us as a couple is a close second. While i give him a little more, he will ALWAYS choose his kids over me no matter what it may be for. Is this normal? If not how or what can I do to change it some without seeming like a coldhearted bitch trying to pry him and his kids apart so that I can fit in there a litlle? His kids have had him to themselves for the past two years prior... and now to have to share him and their time him with us, I think it is very upsetting for them.One of his even hinted to the question of "Are we being repllaced by her kids" I know kids worry a little, but him and his wife have been divorced for 2.5 years, while my kids have been dealing with all this for about a year or so. (It took me 3 years to get out of of a messed up marriage although I was unhappy with this chapter for a lot longer than three years) Then we also fought about whose kids were handling this better, I said for the short time that my kids have been introduced to this I think my kids are just fine, he took it as an attack on his. He don't believe me entirely when I tell him I love his ids. He thinks I don't love them as much as I should. (Itell pple--these are my other kids when we have them too) I seem to be rambling on. but this seems to be truly our ONLY problem. How can we change this? Anybody deal with htis at all?
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Children NEVER cause a breakup. While they may become the central issue that causes disharmony between the two adults who have two opposing parenting styles ... ultimately it’s the parents who can’t come together and work as a functioning team. That’s where it can all start to unravel and lead to resentments which can ultimately result in a parting of ways. Children (as well as any other issues you face might confront during your marriage) are nothing more than a litmus test (or reflection) of how well the two of you communicate and work together as a couple. If you focus more on fixing your relationship problems first and foremost ... all the rest will fall into place behind you. If not, it will all fall apart. But it has less to do with the children than it does with the two of you.
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