I miss him and I want him back

[Nevermind]

I don't know...so many bad things have happened, but I do believe that how he behaved in the days after D-Day was just a mirror of how I behaved. If I had been calmer, we could have worked on it.

 

There was love, there was such a deep love..and I really miss him. Not sex or having a companion, I miss him. The person, the voice, the hair, the smell, the laugh, the smile, the way he could concentrate on something and the easy going personality.

 

I just feel like we threw something great away. And there is this feeling, that we could still make it work. That it was worth saving. I wasn't great in the relationship, I made mistakes. He made mistakes.

 

It's even harder than the feeling that he never cared. He did.

 

We live only once and I feel as if I threw away the best thing that could ever happen to me.

[mollers]

I don't know...so many bad things have happened, but I do believe that how he behaved in the days after D-Day was just a mirror of how I behaved. If I had been calmer, we could have worked on it.

 

There was love, there was such a deep love..and I really miss him. Not sex or having a companion, I miss him. The person, the voice, the hair, the smell, the laugh, the smile, the way he could concentrate on something and the easy going personality.

 

I just feel like we threw something great away. And there is this feeling, that we could still make it work. That it was worth saving. I wasn't great in the relationship, I made mistakes. He made mistakes.

 

It's even harder than the feeling that he never cared. He did.

 

We live only once and I feel as if I threw away the best thing that could ever happen to me.

 

You know what Nevermind, I think those same thoughts most days. However, I also remind myself that I did try to save the relationship and he didn't want to try, and that is what makes me carry on on my own. No matter how great the relationship was or seemed, it is not a great relationship if only one person wants to work at it. Some people think that if things start to go a bit jaded, then the relationship is on its way out. Some people don't think relationships need any work. Maybe your ex was one of them. But real relationships do have ups and downs, and a real, worthy partner would recognise this and work on it with you.

 

That may sound very simple to say, and it still hurts me like hell, I can still smell his hair if I try hard enough, I can still feel his hand at the small of my back. And god I miss it. But, apparently I wasn't worth fighting for. And that keeps me strong. I am worth more. I loved him with all my heart, but my respect has dwindled, and that makes me sad.

 

You can't have thrown something away on your own. It takes two. No matter what either of you said and did, if you were prepared to try, you have played your part. You are not responsible for his actions. That is what I am coming to realise after keep blaming myself for throwing it away.

 

You will get through this, although you are probably sick of hearing it. So will I but some days I don't feel like it. But I do feel like I can hold my head up high and that means a lot.

 

Keep fighting the fight, you will get there.XX

[justaman99]

 

We live only once and I feel as if I threw away the best thing that could ever happen to me.

 

Could have.....Could have. I understand how you're feeling. The doubt kicks in at some point after a break-up. We start to question why and what we could have done differently. I feel this way sometimes and it's sad. I feel for you.

[serendip]

We live only once and I feel as if I threw away the best thing that could ever happen to me.

 

 

Ummm...didn't he lie and cheat on you. Wow if this is the best thing to happen to you...I wonder what the rest of your life is like.

 

 

per your list

He did (shortened it):

 

- cheat on me, the affair started on my birthday

 

- had the affair, planned a visit to me (long distance) while already with her

- went to a holiday with her directly after visiting me (I took him to the train that brought him there. Made him sandwiches for the travel, on his request!)

 

- never had time for me because of an "important exam", made me feel guilty whenever I didn't follow his wishes 100% and whenever I asked him to spend some time on me)

 

- lied to me after I found out (first: "what the **** is that nonsense? I don't know her!" to: "I broke up with her")

 

- kept the lies up, while I was heart-broken and he promised to be honest

 

- brought up suicide while sitting at home playing at his computer (he send me an sms, I was afraid, called him, his home, his grandmother...till I got hold of him finally)

 

- told me he despised me, found me ridiculous and didn't care if I lived or died, when I told him I was close to suicide

 

- went back with her, while he did not know if I was alive or not

 

- wrote me e-mails last week saying he wants us to be together in the future, that he would never forgive himself, and booked a flight with her to the canarias

 

- laughed when I brought the last part up and said I didn't want to get back together, but would like to forgive

 

- when given the option between: honesty and "I never cared about you- **** off", he chose the latter

 

--------------------------------

[Nevermind]

Hey, I didn't say that it's a scientifically proven fact that he was the best thing that could ever happen to me.

 

It's just a feeling. Buy maybe this is good, because it is normal to feel like this after a relationship ended. So I am coming to terms with the fact that it is over. Maybe I just want to ignore, why it ended. To keep the memories? No idea.

 

And when he wanted he could be the most caring, warm person ever. At least the most caring person I ever met. Now it irks me that I never got flowers. Even though I told him how much I loved them. Bastard.

 

See? I am just nuts. Emotionally challenged so to say.

[Karyyk]

I don't know...so many bad things have happened, but I do believe that how he behaved in the days after D-Day was just a mirror of how I behaved. If I had been calmer, we could have worked on it.

 

There was love, there was such a deep love..and I really miss him. Not sex or having a companion, I miss him. The person, the voice, the hair, the smell, the laugh, the smile, the way he could concentrate on something and the easy going personality.

 

I just feel like we threw something great away. And there is this feeling, that we could still make it work. That it was worth saving. I wasn't great in the relationship, I made mistakes. He made mistakes.

 

It's even harder than the feeling that he never cared. He did.

 

We live only once and I feel as if I threw away the best thing that could ever happen to me.

 

Knowing that the other person cared is what makes it so hard. It causes you to ask so many questions, to wonder how you could have done things differently, to wonder if there's still hope (and to grasp on to any signs of it that you can). She was truly my friend above all else, so all of this just makes it so confusing to me.

 

I have no advice, I'm in the same boat, and I don't like being in it. I guess I might as well hang on for the ride...

[borelandkaren]

Ummm...didn't he lie and cheat on you. Wow if this is the best thing to happen to you...I wonder what the rest of your life is like.

 

 

per your list

 

He did (shortened it):

 

- cheat on me, the affair started on my birthday

 

- had the affair, planned a visit to me (long distance) while already with her

- went to a holiday with her directly after visiting me (I took him to the train that brought him there. Made him sandwiches for the travel, on his request!)

 

- never had time for me because of an "important exam", made me feel guilty whenever I didn't follow his wishes 100% and whenever I asked him to spend some time on me)

 

- lied to me after I found out (first: "what the **** is that nonsense? I don't know her!" to: "I broke up with her")

 

- kept the lies up, while I was heart-broken and he promised to be honest

 

- brought up suicide while sitting at home playing at his computer (he send me an sms, I was afraid, called him, his home, his grandmother...till I got hold of him finally)

 

- told me he despised me, found me ridiculous and didn't care if I lived or died, when I told him I was close to suicide

 

- went back with her, while he did not know if I was alive or not

 

- wrote me e-mails last week saying he wants us to be together in the future, that he would never forgive himself, and booked a flight with her to the canarias

 

- laughed when I brought the last part up and said I didn't want to get back together, but would like to forgive

 

- when given the option between: honesty and "I never cared about you- **** off", he chose the latter

 

--------------------------------

 

 

 

Ummmm.......what part of the "loveliness" did you want to rekindle??????

[tealeafbud]

Nevermind, you are going to meet someone 10 times better than your ex. It might be hard to believe now, but you just need to trust and have a little patience.

 

I know you are missing your ex. I miss mine too. We all miss our ex's, but I love the encouragement that this board provides about moving on. it's such a powerful force that I'm simply amazed at it sometimes. kindred spirits working together to support each other. How awesome is that?

[0hpenelope]

I don't know...so many bad things have happened, but I do believe that how he behaved in the days after D-Day was just a mirror of how I behaved. If I had been calmer, we could have worked on it.

 

There was love, there was such a deep love..and I really miss him. Not sex or having a companion, I miss him. The person, the voice, the hair, the smell, the laugh, the smile, the way he could concentrate on something and the easy going personality.

 

I just feel like we threw something great away. And there is this feeling, that we could still make it work. That it was worth saving. I wasn't great in the relationship, I made mistakes. He made mistakes.

 

It's even harder than the feeling that he never cared. He did.

 

We live only once and I feel as if I threw away the best thing that could ever happen to me.

 

Why yes, Nevermind. I do believe you were in my head and in my heart moments before you wrote this. Lawrence... he balanced me.

 

But as it's always been, we will recover. Because we have to. That quote from Ms. Veronica Shoffstall came from her poem entitled "After a While." Have you read it? It's a good read, though it hurts to read it still sometimes.

[Touche]

Nevermind, I could have written the same exact thing about my ex at one time. He treated me so badly most of the time. But when he was good he was the BEST. That's when you're fooled into thinking they're so great. Who needs that? I would kiss the ground he walks on if he were standing in front of me today. Want to know why? Because I now appreciate the man I have a thousand times more than if I hadn't had the ex in my life.

 

Your ex sounds awful. Sorry but from I just read above, wow. You have to pick yourself up and realize that you deserve the best. If you don't, you'll never get it.

 

Doesn't sound to me like you threw anything away worth having. Miss him, cry for him and then get him out of your system. Because if you go back to him, trust me, you'll have given him carte blanche to treat you even worse.

[Exl]

I don't know...so many bad things have happened, but I do believe that how he behaved in the days after D-Day was just a mirror of how I behaved. If I had been calmer, we could have worked on it.

 

There was love, there was such a deep love..and I really miss him. Not sex or having a companion, I miss him. The person, the voice, the hair, the smell, the laugh, the smile, the way he could concentrate on something and the easy going personality.

 

I just feel like we threw something great away. And there is this feeling, that we could still make it work. That it was worth saving. I wasn't great in the relationship, I made mistakes. He made mistakes.

 

It's even harder than the feeling that he never cared. He did.

 

We live only once and I feel as if I threw away the best thing that could ever happen to me.

 

 

While I'm not aware of your situation, I couldn't help posting how much I feel in your shoes too, almost to the very last word. I feel the same about my ex. Except that I was always calm, but knowing what I know now, and especially if I had identified her PA behaviour sooner, it could really have made a difference. Yet, life goes as it goes and we always learn something from it.

 

It's natural to think over the situation and noticing what could have been the answers to some situations that at the time were solved improperly. I have noticed much of those situations, and while some I could have done something about it, others I couldn't.

 

Once again, I'm saying I'm unfamiliar with your original situation, so I'd like to apologize in advance if the next words are totally impossible or hurtful: but if you really feel like that... Maybe it's worth to try again? Even if only someday.

 

I still hope my situation works itself out within the next 6-7 weeks... Up to the deadline for our "break" That there is still that chance for recovery and make amends, but only time will tell.

[Nevermind]

Well, loveshack was down and among other things I broke contact. And I am feeling great. He will tell me that there is nothing left to recover, and it will be the first honest thing in months. Or, we will see each other again, in which case I get a good ending - no matter what. I would like to have a decent : "it didn't work out, and I can look at you and feel just peace" moment. Without it, it's just so weird and heartbreaking.

 

It might not be everybody's idea of a dignified ending, but it is mine. Just having a coffee and saying good-bye. Or at least get the honest answer he never gave me. What if he would like to try again? I doubt it. And we would have to meet for that as well, and I know we could make it decent in a person to person talk.

 

Will a brutal answer bring me down? A little, but not so much. See, I at least tried to make up for my behaviour. No matter what, this is taking the high horse. I finally feel calm, and I accept what happened and I will accept whatever happens in the future.

[sedgwick]

Wow! I could never do that with mine. If I saw him I'd totally fall apart. But I miss him terribly as well -- I love him and miss him more than I've ever loved/missed anyone.

 

It breaks my heart every day to think we'll never have another conversation, but still I know it's for the best.

[Nevermind]

Well, if he wants to meet, I'll have to battle some strange hope that everything is going to be undone or that we can work on it. But falling apart..no. Strange enough, I am sure I can handle it.

[mollers]

Well, if he wants to meet, I'll have to battle some strange hope that everything is going to be undone or that we can work on it. But falling apart..no. Strange enough, I am sure I can handle it.

 

I didn't meet my ex but I did decide to ring him one final time to try and see if I could sort things out. (This was 2 weeks after we broke up). He did not want to try and work things out, and as you say, it is hurtful but at the same time, it's final and you can handle it.

 

I could then begin to move on knowing I did all I could and could hold my head high. I even remained calm and dignified on the phone! I do have setbacks now and then when I think that someone else will take my place in his life but almost 5 weeks on I can see a bright future even if it doesn't have him in it.

 

Good luck to you either way.X