What do I do?

[pennyxrose]

Ok, so I got dumped last week by my year long boyfriend whom I love with all my heart. I've been searching for anything that will help and now I just think I need advice.

 

Ok so I met my bf about 3.5 years ago through my then boyfriend who we shall call Jason.

So Jason and I were together for 1.5 years, I moved schools to be with him and all was well until I started falling for his close friend who we shall call James. Nothing happened between me and James and I never got the impression that he liked me in anyway more than just as a friend but all the same, I wanted to be with him more than Jason so I called it off with Jason.

After about a week or 2 of being single from Jason my then best friend who we shall call Simon confessed to me and told me that he liked me. Now up until that point I had been wanting James to tell me he liked me and sweep me off my feet but he'd not made a single move in that direction. I guess I just gave up and started going out with Simon. Now Simon was attractive, wealthy, charming and he lived a couple of blocks away from me.

So Simon and I started going out, it was nothing serious but eventually, a few weeks into the relationship I was talking to James online and he told me how he felt about me. That he liked me ALOT and that he wanted to be with me.

 

Now this is what I'd wanted to hear for months so needless to say I broke up with Simon and started going out with James.

I thought things would be great and that he would be perfect and fun but I was quite wrong. He was extremely shy and uncomfortable around me. I didn't really know how to act and I got a bit scared, I wasn't used to it and I just wanted to feel like I was wanted. I wasn't getting that from James.

 

We'd been together for about 2 weeks when on a Sunday (I think) I went to Simon's house to hang out and watch movies, strictly as friends because that's what I thought we were. I believed him when he said he was just happy as friends.

So I was at Simon's house when he started making moves on me. I didn't really know what to do and I didn't really know the gravity of the situation but one thing led to another and we ended up having sex.

It happened and then I left, I went home and had a long shower and tried to deal with myself..

 

Anyway, the next week, we're back at school and I can't face James, I'm so filled with shame and guilt and I just couldn't face him and tell him what I'd done. I guess we broke up although saying we just distanced would be a better way of putting it.

I started spending a lot of time with Simon and started developing feelings for him. I ended up just being his 'friend with benefits'. In my mind, I thought that was some kind of a relationship. He just wanted me for my body and I didn't know that. Stupid of me, I know.

 

Anyway, eventually all that stopped and James and I were friends. Now I didn't know this at the time but about a week after I'd cheated on James, Simon had told him what had happened. James never confronted me and I didn't want to tell him, I didn't want to hurt him and I was a coward, I just wanted to pretend it had never happened. So a year of me denying anything and him constantly asking pursued. Eventually he tricked me into telling him.

 

He'd been chasing me for months and months. Even after I confessed, he kept chasing me.

 

Early last year, about a year or so after it had happened, I developed feelings for James. We started going out and it was great. We loved each other a lot and we did have fun. The problem was though that our relationship had a lot of trust issues and James could never let go of what had happened with Simon. He held onto it for nearly a year. We fought over it, we fought over things that were sprung from the trust issues and such. There were lies and hurt but despite it all, we still loved each other and stayed together up until last week.

 

Last week he finally broke up with me, saying that he just couldn't get over the past and that for the past year, he kept thinking about it etc.

 

I've been devastated. I've given up so much for this guy (A 3 month exchange trip to Europe, I quit school a year early to support myself when he said he'd move in with me because my mum was moving interstate. He never did move in with me and I was left alone) and yet he still thinks I'll do it again.

I'm not the cheating type. It happened once but I learnt from that mistake and have since refused the offers of various people and have stayed faithful to the man I love.

 

Now he says he just likes me as a friend, nothing more. We've talked on the phone heaps in the past week about our problems and the relationship. He came over the other day and we spent the day at my house together, watched a movie and had fun. It was just like normal minus the 'I love you's although he still calls me 'honey' and 'my love'. I don't know if that's an accident or not though.

I really want him back, I love him so much it hurts.

 

I just want to know what to do. He's meant to be staying over this Friday because it's his birthday. Is that a good idea? Should I be having NC with him? I don't know if it's that kind of situation or not.

 

Please help:(

 

Also, I'm sorry it's so long...

[Lonelystar]

I think you need to give him space. He should of dealt with the hurt then instead of going out with you. If you keep hanging around him it may take longer to get over this whole situation. Maybe you could do NC for awhile, and then see how he feels. Getting over trust issues can take a while, and he may need some space to figure things out. I wish I could have been more of a help. Good luck and feel better.

[pennyxrose]

I am actually already starting to feel better. It's been nearly 2 weeks and he's already trying to come back. He calls me ALOT even when he has nothing to say, just so he can talk to me so I don't know what he really wants. I agree, he does need space to breathe, think and figure out what he wants.Thanks for your reply:)