wicked_wick Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 This will be a long story, but I don't have anybody else to talk to about it. This all started in Sept of '07 and just ended last week. I had been friends with her for years, even before she was married and nothing had ever happened because I did not have the courage to ask her out. I was also friends with the man she married. They never seemed like a good couple and nobody thinks it will last. She's been married for almost a year now and we had continued to be friends. Then, after a few months in her marriage, she was flirting with me and we ended up kissing. I immediately left, because I felt bad about what happened. She thought I was mad at her and wanted to talk about it, so we did and everything got worked out. We were still friends, but then, a few weeks later, she told me she was falling for me and one thing lead to another. This continued for a few months. The entire time, I was still her friend in public and still friends with her husband. Her and I were still being intimate, rather frequently, but we were growing as friends as well. Everyone thought we were best friends. Then a few weeks ago, she started acting weird. Very withdrawn and not as talkative. We hadn't been intimate in almost 2 months now, but there was still talk of it and it was more than just a friendship. A few weeks ago she started hanging out with some new people, 2 of them were guys that have said to my face a number of times that all they wanted from her was sex. She finally told me last week that she had been acting weird because people were telling her that I was going around town telling people that I was sleeping with her. I'm not that stupid, I don't want to loser her as a friend, so I don't know why she believed them. It was these other guys telling her this and she trusted them over me. The next day, last week, she was having a panic attack and I asked her if she was ok and she said no. So I went over there to help her and these other guys were there. They said she called them to protect her from me, because she was scared of me! WTF? So I'm like what the hell ever and I leave. Goto have a beer with my buddy and after I leave, get pulled over by cops for a OWI. Cops tell me that somebody from her house called them and said I was driving drunk. At this point, she had stopped talking to me completely. All of our mutual friends have stopped talking to me as well. Earlier tonight, I get a text from one of her new guy friends saying "you need to leave her alone and move on. we're taking her to get a protecton order filed" what the hell? I haven't talked to her since that night and I've never said anything to anybody. Yes, I know I was stupid for getting involved with a married woman, I'm well aware of that. Guess it just hurts that I was trying to cool things down and just go back to being friends and then she flips out on me. Now, not only have I lost someone I love and care deeply about, I also lost my best friend. Do I sink to her level and tell her husband about what went on between us? Or do I keep my mouth shut?
OWoman Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Do I sink to her level and tell her husband about what went on between us? Or do I keep my mouth shut? She's either feeling guilty about what she's done, and shifting the blame onto you, or she's replaced you with one (or both) of the other guys, and needs you off the scene. Either way, you're having to take the rap because she can't face the responsibility for her own actions. Walk away. If you tell her H what happened, he may well believe her over you and then you'll feel more frustrated than ever - particularly if she's already swayed all your mutual friends, he'll have lots of back up from them. Even if he does believe you, the joy of revenge you'll feel with be transitory and then you'll feel bad about what went wrong, how it all went down the toilet, and how it will never be recovered now... and you'll beat yourself up about your role in that. Just accept that this is where she's at for now, and that she's going to have to face up to her life sooner or later. Don't enmesh yourself in it any more than you already have - you don't need that kind of energy hanging around you. Move on, and leave the mess to play itself out.
Author wicked_wick Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 yeah, I figured she was prolly trying to replace me when she started acting different. I should have trusted my instincts at the time. There's actually been a number of times through out this that I've tried to break it off, but she'd go on about how she loved me and wouldn't know what to do without me in her life. From reading on here, it appears that she's selfish and only cares about what she can get. I've been trying to move on, but it is difficult since we both live in a fairly small town. Hard to not see her around.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 You want to clear the air, then right her husband a letter detailing everything. Get it off your chest. You was a scumbag to call yourself his friend and bang his wife. Friends dont betray friends like that. I bet you anything once this all ends, you'll feel a whole lot better. These two guys are scumbags too and you'll be better off with everyone knowing the whole truth. But hey it's your life. If you want to put your head in the sand and remain ignorant of others lives and the pain you cause them so be it.
OWoman Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 yeah, I figured she was prolly trying to replace me when she started acting different. I should have trusted my instincts at the time. There's actually been a number of times through out this that I've tried to break it off, but she'd go on about how she loved me and wouldn't know what to do without me in her life. From reading on here, it appears that she's selfish and only cares about what she can get. I've been trying to move on, but it is difficult since we both live in a fairly small town. Hard to not see her around. Live your life as fully and proudly as you can. Your real friends will be attracted back by your qualities, and the dubious ones will lurk in the shadows. Her behaviour will continue and as she plays out her chosen path others will see her for what she is and it will stop reflecting on you, and will be seen openly as her issue. Walk away from the trainwreck. There is no need for you to get any more damaged by it than has already happened.
Lyssa Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Owoman said it all - walk away and move on with your life. She's creating drama of her own and pretty soon, people will realise that.
Author wicked_wick Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 You want to clear the air, then right her husband a letter detailing everything. Get it off your chest. You was a scumbag to call yourself his friend and bang his wife. Friends dont betray friends like that. Alright, I know what I did wrong. I'm well aware of it. Yes, friends don't betray friends like that, it goes both ways. I'm sorry it happened and that I did it. I'm also sorry that after being friends with her for 5 years, that I never saw this once out of her personality until she started telling me she loved me. I'm also sorry I fell for that, but that's why I had tried to stop it a number of times. After having a friend for that long and them being there for you when your father dies, it was difficult to try and walk away from that friendship, but I knew I should and kept getting dragged back in.
Lyssa Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Alright, I know what I did wrong. I'm well aware of it. Yes, friends don't betray friends like that, it goes both ways. I'm sorry it happened and that I did it. I'm also sorry that after being friends with her for 5 years, that I never saw this once out of her personality until she started telling me she loved me. I'm also sorry I fell for that. We are all sorry this happened to you, well maybe not all of us but I am. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's a lesson learned. You will come out stronger and a better person - keep that in mind.
Author wicked_wick Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 It's almost heartbreaking to have been friends for so long and then it's done. I'd have no problem never having sex or being emotionally intimate, because I've tried for awhile
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Alright, I know what I did wrong. I'm well aware of it. Yes, friends don't betray friends like that, it goes both ways. I'm sorry it happened and that I did it. I'm also sorry that after being friends with her for 5 years, that I never saw this once out of her personality until she started telling me she loved me. I'm also sorry I fell for that, but that's why I had tried to stop it a number of times. After having a friend for that long and them being there for you when your father dies, it was difficult to try and walk away from that friendship, but I knew I should and kept getting dragged back in. You know what , dont sweat it. Youve been through enough. But the minute she hit on you you should have distanced yourself from her and not gave in to temptation. I'm sorry for your situation but you shouldnt let this rest. She'll do it to you, and now she's doing ti to her husband, dont you think of all people he deserves the absolute truth?
Author wicked_wick Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 Yes, I should have turned tail and run after the first time she said anything, but I was too insecure with myself to just walk away from a friend, especially when that's what I needed most. I just feel really worthless now. I mean, what a piece of crap I am, to first of all do anything with a married woman, and to also get dumped by someone who was using me. I couldn't even get that right, let alone do the right thing.
OWoman Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Yes, I should have turned tail and run after the first time she said anything, but I was too insecure with myself to just walk away from a friend, especially when that's what I needed most. I just feel really worthless now. I mean, what a piece of crap I am, to first of all do anything with a married woman, and to also get dumped by someone who was using me. I couldn't even get that right, let alone do the right thing. Wick, give yourself a break here! People think with their hormones all the time - that's necessary, else the human population would have died out centuries back - and while your intellect is only now catching up, that's not something you need beat yourself up about permanently. It happened, you're seeing now it was a bad idea, lesson learned, move on. The best you can do now, IMO, is put as much distance between yourself and this having happened. Physical distance is impossible given that you say it's a smallish place, but you can still do the emotional distance, and you're already on your way with the intellectual distance. Don't get stuck in it. Let the rest of your life begin, already!
Owl Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Normally, I'd agree with CB and say tell her H. In this case, all that's likely to make happen is to get her to get a restraining order on you. Her H isn't going to believe you after all that's gone on...and she's obviously more than willing and capable to spin any of this back on you. Walk away, be glad that you didn't get deeper into the situation before this all blew up. Be REAL glad you're not the poor SOB who married her!
whichwayisup Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Don't bother even trying to figure her out, she sounds crazy. You don't need her in your life as a friend, so just be glad you're no longer the OM. She has some issues and I agree with OWL, atleast you're not the one married to her. If you were, she'd probably cheat on you just like she is/was cheating on her husband.
Author wicked_wick Posted June 5, 2008 Author Posted June 5, 2008 Well I found out some more information today. It seems that after we stopped being intimate and she started pulling away as a friend, she had started hanging out with a new guy. And she's been with him all the time and he's the one pushing her to do this things to try and get me out of the picture completely. Ain't that a rip.
carhill Posted June 5, 2008 Posted June 5, 2008 Sounds SOP. She must be some catch. Or, more likely, she has some serious issues stemming back to childhood that cause her to create and attract drama in her life. It's almost like she sends out unconscious signals. My bet is, if you all are young, she'll look back on these years with some regret and wish she had not followed this path. For you, what's done is done. You can't undo it or turn back the clock on your friendship. Take the life lesson and do better next time.
Author wicked_wick Posted June 6, 2008 Author Posted June 6, 2008 Yeah. Kinda sucks I get probation and lose my license out of all of it. Lesson learned though. But is it wrong, after all that's happened, to still care about her and hope she gets things straightened out?
OWoman Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Yeah. Kinda sucks I get probation and lose my license out of all of it. Lesson learned though. But is it wrong, after all that's happened, to still care about her and hope she gets things straightened out? It's not wrong, it shows compassion. Getting sucked in again would also not be "wrong"... but it would be foolish!
twice_shy Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Do I sink to her level and tell her husband about what went on between us? Or do I keep my mouth shut? Sink to her level? You were the OM, you already sank to her level. Do you keep your mouth shut? Well, on one hand you only want to tell her H because you feel jilted. But regardless of that, yes, you should tell her husband. If its only been a year, then it isn't too late to save this guy's life. If you tell him and he wants to divorce her, he can get the marriage to a cheating tart anulled. Yes, tell him. You will be doing him a favor.
twice_shy Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 We are all sorry this happened to you Standing on a street corner and getting shot in a driveby is an example of something that "happens" to you. Your home getting demolished by a tornado is something that "happens" to you. Nothing "happened" to him. It was of his and her own doing. You can feel sorry for his situation.
JohnnyBlaze Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Yeah. Kinda sucks I get probation and lose my license out of all of it. Lesson learned though. But is it wrong, after all that's happened, to still care about her and hope she gets things straightened out? Go ahead, care about her and hope she straightens her life out, but care and hope from a distance...a great distance. Consider her dead, and never deal with her again. I'm not saying this as some protective thing of her; it's for your own safety. Let's look at the players in this: Hubby: If he knows (or even suspects), then he wants you dead already; that'll be a given. Your last name may as well be Louisville, because he'll have a bat with your name written ALL over it. If he doesn't know, telling him would only make him want to kill you. New guy: He wants to get ahead and will do whatever it takes to accomplish this. If he thinks you're trying to move back in, he will have no qualms about taking you down to keep you away from his latest prize. He's already shown that all bets are off, so don't think he'd stop short of beating you to a pulp (or having three or four buddies do it for him). Girl: she's been so poisoned by all of this that if she ever does realize what went on, it would take her years of being away from everyone involved (including her hubby) to do so, and you still won't come out looking good. Yes, telling her husband will help him get out of a bad situation, but it'll be at great expense to your health. Do you deserve a beating for what you did? Absolutely. Would it be the right thing to do, in order to help him? Yep. Would I recommend you go running off to do what's right and receive said punishment? Nope. I'm crazy, not stupid. He'll probably figure it out sooner or later anyway. Most do. The girl may have been a friend before, but now you have to look at her as nothing more than a chick who needs to get her life in order. You're a marked man; now is the time to keep your head down, not run out on the battlefield and be a hero [read: martyr]. Yes, it's mentally and emotionally hard to drop a friend from your life, but it's what needs to be done, for you, her, and her hubby.
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