Girlfriend going to Las Vegas instead of my grandfather's funeral

[Kylewesthills]

Having tough times right now....my grandfather passed away last night with my family and I holding his hands. Im still in shock. Not just a grandfather, but a friend, a role model, and my hero.

I mentioned to my girlfriend of over two years that the memorial service would be this saturday and I asked if she'd be able to make it. She replied: "You know i would go but we are going together as a family to Vegas. We always go once a year just together and we bought tickets to a show. ...Im really sorry please dont be mad." I understand that her family and her already had plans to go, but it just seems that a trip to Vegas is so trivial compared to a death in the family of a boyfriend. She has met my grandfather numerous times and knows how close we were. And on top of all that is the fact that she has gone to Vegas at least 3-4 times since January, with the last time being two weeks ago.

I dont know if im being selfish for wanting her to be there with me at the memorial service but i feel hurt that a trip to Vegas has more importance then being there with me.

I dont know if its too harsh but i know deep down inside that i cant marry someone who has that sort of mentality, I dont want a girlfriend who i cant count on during the most difficult time I've had up to this point in my life. Please give me any feedback or advice, i can answer questions if needed.... (1st time to ever post on here)

Kyle

[quankanne]

talk to her about your feelings, especially in light of your desire for her support during this difficult time. It seems to me that if this trip is yet another in a long line of trips to Vegas she's gone on, it wouldn't be such a sacrifice to miss it, even though it's with her family.

 

sadly, though, I think her heart is set on having a good time gambling, not seeing you through in your time of need.

 

that said, talk to her. She may reverse her decision once she understands how much you need her support.

 

my condolences on your loss. May your grandpa rest in peace.

[Ruby Slippers]

I am very sorry for your loss.

 

I think it would be helpful to let your girlfriend know that you could really use her emotional support this weekend. Then she gets to decide whether she wants to be there for you or not. It could be that she doesn't realize how difficult this really is for you, especially if you're not the type of guy to wear your heart on your sleeve.

[Chrome Barracuda]

If the situations was reversed we would be calling the man a scumbag and insensitive now wouldnt we?

 

My advice is give it time. If she comes then she's cool, if she doesnt come then you know what you need to do.

 

If I truly cared for a person and needed me there for them, I could always go to vegas another time.

[JerseyShortie]

I think your girlfriend is being compleletly selfish. The fact that she goes to Vegas somewhat regulary and does this with her family once a year, it's ridiculous that she can't give that up to be with you for something like your grandfather passing. Talk to her and let her know how you are feeling about it. And although it will be hard, try to do it in a non-accusatory way.

[blind_otter]

First off I am so sorry for your loss - my father passed away in late 2006 and I still miss him terribly.

 

I think your GF is being very selfish and cold hearted. It is truely shameful that she would put her own needs before yours in a trying time like this.

 

I would let her know that it IS a big deal that she didn't even offer to cancel her trip.

[armywife915]

My thoughts are with you. I lost my grandfather in 2003 and he was my best friend, my everything. He was only 60 and it was out of the blue. I had no warning. My fiance had been in a horrible accident 2 weeks prior and had a cast on both his left leg and arm. He made it to the funeral. I agree that your girlfriend is being selfish. She needs to be there and you should tell her how you feel. She should know how important it is, I mean, it's common sense. You should want to be there when your significant other is hurting. Good luck and just remember all the good times you had with him.

[Kylewesthills]

Thank you all for your support. Im trying to focus my attention on my grandfather and remember the great times we had.

 

I've stressed that i want my gf there to her and she doesn't get it. Keeps saying that their trip was planned months ago and that she's sorry. I hate to rush to conclusions but i don't feel that is what i want in a future wife. Makes me ask the questions...if i can't count on her just being there with me, then when can i count on her. Seems that she'll only be there for me only if it is convenient for her.

 

Sort of like what somebody already said, if the tables were turned i would be looked down upon if i wasn't there for her. And she'd expect me to be there, and in a heart beat i would be. Seems like it is a clash of personalities. Need to find a good Christian girl out there who shares my families beliefs and ideals.

 

Thank you all once again, it means alot to hear from you guys and girls.

[lovestruck818]

Having tough times right now....my grandfather passed away last night with my family and I holding his hands. Im still in shock. Not just a grandfather, but a friend, a role model, and my hero.

I mentioned to my girlfriend of over two years that the memorial service would be this saturday and I asked if she'd be able to make it. She replied: "You know i would go but we are going together as a family to Vegas. We always go once a year just together and we bought tickets to a show. ...Im really sorry please dont be mad." I understand that her family and her already had plans to go, but it just seems that a trip to Vegas is so trivial compared to a death in the family of a boyfriend. She has met my grandfather numerous times and knows how close we were. And on top of all that is the fact that she has gone to Vegas at least 3-4 times since January, with the last time being two weeks ago.

I dont know if im being selfish for wanting her to be there with me at the memorial service but i feel hurt that a trip to Vegas has more importance then being there with me.

I dont know if its too harsh but i know deep down inside that i cant marry someone who has that sort of mentality, I dont want a girlfriend who i cant count on during the most difficult time I've had up to this point in my life. Please give me any feedback or advice, i can answer questions if needed.... (1st time to ever post on here)

Kyle

 

First of all, very sorry to hear about your grandfather and my sincere condolences to you and your family.

 

With that said, while I can understand how you would be hurt by it, a) she is going on a family trip which is different than if she were going with a bunch of girl friends and b) while I hate to say it, yes she is your girlfriend, but that doesn't mean she is obligated to go to every family function or whatever. I agree with you she SHOULD go to the funeral, but she chose not to. Do you have a right to be mad? Probably, but at the same time too, you have to realise that her family is probably more important to her than your family is...as it should be. And if she wants to spend time with her family, you can't really get on her case about it.

 

I dunno...those are my thoughts. Best of luck- hope the situation works out for you.

[blind_otter]

With that said, while I can understand how you would be hurt by it, a) she is going on a family trip which is different than if she were going with a bunch of girl friends and b) while I hate to say it, yes she is your girlfriend, but that doesn't mean she is obligated to go to every family function or whatever. I agree with you she SHOULD go to the funeral, but she chose not to. Do you have a right to be mad? Probably, but at the same time too, you have to realise that her family is probably more important to her than your family is...as it should be. And if she wants to spend time with her family, you can't really get on her case about it.

 

I completely disagree. This isn't about the OP's family - it's about him. He needs her there to be supportive of him in his time of loss. She, OTOH, is ditching him in his time of need to go hang out with her family after having gone to Vegas 3 times this year already.

 

When my Dad passed away, my SO was there for me unconditionally. He put aside everything in his personal life to be there for me because I was utterly beside myself and crushed that this important person in my life was DEAD.

 

A death in the family is NOT a "family function or whatever" - it is a huge event in anyone's life, especially if they were very close to the person who passed away.

 

OP - I agree with you completely. If my SO had not been there for me when my father died, I would have broken up with him immediately. There is no excuse for some types of selfish behavior.

[Mr. Lucky]

I've stressed that i want my gf there to her and she doesn't get it. Keeps saying that their trip was planned months ago and that she's sorry. I hate to rush to conclusions but i don't feel that is what i want in a future wife. Makes me ask the questions...if i can't count on her just being there with me, then when can i count on her. Seems that she'll only be there for me only if it is convenient for her.

SoCal to Las Vegas is an hour plane flight and they take off 24 hours a day. Is there a reason that she can't attend the service with you and then catch up to her family later that night? If her response is "Well, I'll miss the show that we bought tickets to", then it's pretty clear that the "Folies Bergere" is more important to her than you are...

 

Mr. Lucky

[quankanne]

I disagree, LS – even though the family deal is a once-a-year event, death or declining health is an exception. The least she could do is offer to be there for him, instead of inferring "my trip to vegas with my family is *way* more important than your grandfather's death." To a degree, maybe it is, but they've been together awhile now and she should be more aware of his needs. Maybe he just needs to hear that she wants to be there for him in his time of need, but she's not even willing to give him that bit of comfort.

 

because when you care about someone, you want to do what you can to help them – my dad is in hospice care right now, and since I'm the kid with the most flexible schedule, I'm the one driving across the state 2-3 times a month to be with him. With the exception of a sister who has yet to be released from her doctor's care to go back down here, my siblings aren't exactly moving their *ss*s to help care for the old man. But my husband has taken it upon himself to go down there for two weeks at a time so that I can be at home, dealing with work and other home-related issues. And I never once had to ask him, he pretty much out and out told me that he was going to do whatever it was my dad and I needed to get through this period. Not because he's married to me, but because he loves us and understands that he's in a place to help where it's most needed.

 

THAT is the kind of support Kyle should be receiving at this time: Unconditional, even if it means sacrificing something you want to do because you know the other person needs you.

[whichwayisup]

Is there a reason that she can't attend the service with you and then catch up to her family later that night?

 

This is a good suggestion. She can change her ticket to the next day or later that evening. I think it's worth a shot in asking...And, sadly if she says no, then let it go for now, deal with it when she's back from Vegas.

 

Honestly, she should be there, not because she HAS to, but because she wants to be supportive for you, for your family.

 

I am sorry for your loss - I know how painful it is to lose a family member, my father died in 1993, and I also understand the pain of not having those closest to you not being there for support. My bestfriend did a no-show, said she would come to my fathers funeral, but she never showed up, nor did she come by the house. I was completely pissed at her and couldn't understand why she would do that to me, considering I was there for HER during all her rough times. Anyway, turned out death was one thing she just couldn't handle. We talked it out, and it took me a long time to forget. I did forgive her though. Once I understood why she couldn't come, my only question to her was, why not just tell me this right away, instead of running and hiding. Is it possible that your girlfriend just afraid of dealing with this stuff and her using her trip as an excuse not to come is really what is going on?

[Chrome Barracuda]

I think in the long run you should drop this chick. I wonder if the shoe was on the other foot wouldnt she drop you?

 

Very insensitive. She should be there vegas can wait, it aint going nowhere. If she truly cared about you and your feelings she would reschedule the vegas trip.

 

I would seriously just start looking at all her faults and weighing would I keep her or drop her. Because I know I could not be with a woman who does that to me. Most likely when she came back from vegas we wouldnt be together she'd have a box of all her stuff on her front doorstep.