Sound like a second chance?

[loomis]

Ok, So my ex broke up with me about a month ago because we weren't seeing eye to eye anymore and she was getting tired of waiting for me to choose what I want to do with my life. she wanted me to go out and have fun and date other girls. it was weird She still wanted to have contact with each other sea said that over time and in the future she would want to start something. Well a week after we broke up I decided to go to school and I pleaded and begged her to take me back. I told her I was changed and all that blah blah blah. I said 'I know you miss me the dog' she said she did but it didn't out weight the rest of everything else. She didn't buy it and said things like 'you need to show me more then that' and like 'If it was a little ways down the road I may consider it' then also stuff like 'i'm not going to want to start something again for at least a year' so yeah, I know it was totally a bad Idea.

 

So after she turned me down I told her 'well you need to leave me alone and give me time, I don't want to see you and don't call me' she seemed pretty taken by this at the time. she said 'well I can come and help with the dog still' (when I had tried to give her a key to my house to tell her I would need help she said no, it would be to awkward) so I said 'no you totally turned me down before, why do you want to help now' she didn't have an answer so I told her We'd miss her and she said she would miss us and I told her good bye.

 

About a week went by and I saw her at the gym,(I forgot when she dumped me I weighted 195 and when she saw me I had lost about 20 pounds) we chit chatted and what not, she asked how school was I told her it was fine. same with her. so like the next day she would send me kind of hurtful texts saying stuff like 'oh I'm hanging out with this mutual friend, I just want to make sure you'r not coming cause I don't want things to be awkward' I simply said 'no I'm not coming' she was acting pretty immature which wasn't like her. then like the next day she would send me txts saying nice things like 'a new place is open down here' and I was just be like 'thats cool I saw it the other day' things were weird so I figured I just needed to not talk to her. she was being interesting

 

Finally, last week i texted her to see how school and all that was for her. She said it was good and that she was really busy. she also said that she missed the dog really bad and that she wanted to see him. I told her it was ok and that i would just let her take him and i wouldn't go. she said that was fine and then she started saying stuff like 'you look really good, way to be healthy' I just said thanks and that it was a goal to get down to 165 (which Im to now) she thought that was cool. The next day she came over to get the dog, she called and told me she was running late and she talks like were still together you know? telling me things like 'oh so and so broke up isn't that sad. oh Im sorry, thats probably awkward to talk about.' I didn't mean to be rude but I was just like 'I don't really care all that much, its not awkward I just don't care' she seemed kind of embarrassed about it. I just said 'well give me a call when you get here and Ill bring him out' she seemed like she still wanted to talk saying 'oh, ok so ill just park in front of your house?' I just said 'yes just in front' very weird.

 

She finally got there and I took the dog out. Keep in mind I had lost ten more pounds since she had seen me about two weeks before. So i looked damn good. I opened the door and the dog jumped in. she was so happy to see him I told her he missed her. She then was like 'well you can come with me if you want' I said yes cause I had nothing to do so I went. On the way out she was kind of shy, I talked just normal asked how her school was, she said it was hard and that she has about 3 hours of homework a night I didn't want to just talk about me so i kept asking questions she said it was interesting though and that it was fun. well then she started with the questions 'who do you hang out with now?' I told her just a lot of different people and stuff. we got to the park and she said something that blew my mind. My sister had a blog saying she was pregnant and she said 'so your sister is having a baby' I was blown away by it I said 'how did you know?' she said 'I still read their blog, I miss them, I really like them' I just went with it and kept talking. I asked her about her family and she said they still ask about me. then we got in the car and went home. On the way she asked 'have you met anyone at school?' I told her that a girl had invited me to go to her house for a party said 'are you going to go' in a voice that was like you should go, go! I said 'yeah im going to go' then she said 'well I'm going to go to a party tonight, then were going to the club' I was like cool that should be fun. She dropped me off and told me to have and I told her to do the same thing.

 

At 2 in the morning she texts me saying 'oh I saw so and so at the club, he's gay I danced with him.' I texted her back later that day laughing about it and she asked how the party was I just said 'it was a lot of fun, there were some weird people there but it was fun' she didn't text me after that. I then texted her later that night saying 'you never told me how your night was' she said she had forgot and that It was good. So now i haven't heard from her for a few days, which is fine,

 

I just want to know does this sound like the right kind of track for a second chance? I mean the party scene gets old and she's likes it, but I know her and I don't see her doing it for that much longer. Do you think she just needs to go out and be a freaking single woman for a while? she seems genuinely interested in my life, family, and everything else still. maybe that will fade though. Thats the thing too, when a girl says, I need at least a year before we could try this again do you really stick to it? I mean after she's seen me and seen how good i've been doing would you maybe lighten up? any advice would be sweet, the good the bad, I don't really care Im just interested in what people have to say about it

[Exl]

Hi. I just sense some mixed feelings there, but I may be wrong. Give it some more time. If she wants a second chance she'll eventually work for it

[storm]

I haven't posted in ages but I just can't watch this happen anymore. She is weaning herself off you. Do not let her do this to you. Give her what she wants. She will not even consider getting back with you until she sees you live your life happy without her. I have been through sooooo many relationships and a large majority of girls(guys do it to) will do this kind of stuff to diminish their guilt, check what you are doing etc. You seriously have to walk away from this. 99% of the time, these actions will not bring you back together. She is out doing her own thing without you, looking for "mr right". Be tough, you are a man, do not settle for this wishy washy torture.

 

If you continue this path. These texts will slowly fade. And then she will be seeing someone else and you will be laying in a puddle of tears.

 

I was in a similar situation. 4 year relationship. She broke up with me. I texted and chit chatted for months and months. I made the changes she didn't like. Heck, I even went from 208lbs down to 170, just like you. 1 year after the break-up, we are not together and she is seeing someone else. Make her regret her mistake, be stubborn. No contact and escape this game. She knows what she is doing.

[kizik]

Loomis,

 

I only read half your story because I got the idea.

 

Here's what's going on: this girl is a bitch, and you have very low self esteem.

 

You should never change for someone; you should always change for yourself.

 

This woman is in complete control of you and it's humiliating for even me, to read.

 

No Contact. Stop it. Just f*cking stop bending to this girl's every whim. Have some dignity, some self-respect.

[justine4]

Sorry guys, I'm coming from a different direction here. I think theres a good chance shes possibly missing him, and instead of owning up and admitting this, shes taking it easy and making excuses to keep in contact and see him.

 

I also think the texting about her going out and having a good time dancing with a guy (who she deliberately points out is gay - just to put the record straight -excuse the pun!) when she knows he is going to be at another party enjoying himself - thats gameplaying. Not necessarily to string him along - but instead, give him the impression that she can be out enjoying herself along whilst he is too and not sitting at home, not doing anything.

 

I wouldn't say she is stringing him along at all. Far from it. Shes getting back, step by step, into his life.

[justine4]

I agree with the above post to a point. I don't think she is trying to wean herself off him though, quite the opposite in fact.

 

However, I do agree with the NC on his behalf.

 

It'll force her hand. Its a hard way to play it, and its a complete bummer how people just can't be straight forward and gameplay has to come into it, but it is sometimes the only way to go.

 

I would strongly suspect that if he goes NC completely, she'll come a running....

[0hpenelope]

If I were in your position, everything that your ex does and the way I interpret those actions is an assumption.

 

If she wants a second chance? She'll say it. Perhaps she does and she's showing through actions that she still wants another try. We can go around and around interpreting her actions, her text messages, but we'll still be back at square one: she hasn't said "I miss you. Let's try again." She. She hasn't spoken something that expresses her desire to try again with you.

 

Sounds like you can handle light contact with her. So I guess if you're still okay with her contacting you and you'd rather know about her than not at all, keep at it. At least she'll know that you still welcome her in your life. NC may make her come running because she's not okay that you're just as fine without her as you're fine with her. Your NC may also give her the sense of "Oh... well, he's okay now without me, so I guess I should keep doing what I've been doing as well," and you'll still benefit because... you've had to be fine without her anyway.

 

And my obligatory reminder of what NC stands for for most LS users: NC is about self-healing and it's an opportunity to focus on yourself.

 

 

Good luck.

[storm]

The only place this track will take you to is hurt and more misery.

 

They all come running. I'm yet to see any dumper not freak out to an extant when a dumpee cuts them off hardcore. I usually fall weak when they first show up in desperation because I reveal my feelings too soon, then they disappear again. It is sad how it is a game but that is just how this is. But staying in contact with her like this just does not work. You will not find one story on this site where the dumper comes back when they have you like this.

 

She is weaning herself off of you though, maybe not intentionally and you are contributing to it. This 3 days of contact is nothing now. After next contact it will be 5 days of no talk, talk again, then 2 weeks. While you slowly fade away. I've been down this road soooooo many times, and have seen so many go down it as well.

 

If you really want to take this to the next level. Go to the store with about $10. Buy a few girl things, make-up, hair spray etc. Put them around your bathroom. Because one of these days she will show up at your place. Then she will most likely snoop around to see what you have been doing. Once she sees those clues, she will flip out with jealousy. I would do it, but you don't have to take my advice, just an idea to throw back at someone that likes to break your heart. You can always just go the absolute no contact route, sometimes games are just not worth it.

[0hpenelope]

 

They all come running. I'm yet to see any dumper not freak out to an extant when a dumpee cuts them off hardcore. I usually fall weak when they first show up in desperation because I reveal my feelings too soon, then they disappear again. It is sad how it is a game but that is just how this is. But staying in contact with her like this just does not work. You will not find one story on this site where the dumper comes back when they have you like this.

 

 

Ugh. No lie, storm. No lie. This belongs in the "classic textbook scenario" category.

 

Why those kinds of dumpers freak out, I don't understand. They're the ones who decided to not want the dumpees around. When I'm the dumper, my break is clean, clean. No harboring hopes for them, no encouraging hopes, nada. Those guys that I left are not the kind of man I want with me.

 

If you're going to break up, it means you're letting the person go. So... let them go! None of these games, games poop.

 

You totally called out my pet peeve. Moving along now.

[loomis]

Thanks for all your replies everyone. Yeah I went to no contact since I wrote this so I'm not too worried about it. My uncle called me, offered to pay for my school down in california so Im going and doing that. It was like my players had been answered. This is exactly what I've always wanted. he's a generous uncle. but anyway I'm not telling her either. I'm just giving away the dog to a good family and going. She'll probably be way offended but oh well I don't really care. I Liked all the mixed replies, everyone had very good thoughts. Im just doing things for myself now. Its actually an exciting time for me because I've never had this kind of opportunity and I'm not even thinking about her, or even getting back together. I knew that the only reason she was still kind of keeping in contact with me was to try and make herself feel better. My dog has been sad though and I know that all he wanted to do was to see her. No big deal though now. I think now I'm pretty much ready to go out and do my own ****. thanks everyone.