sednwol Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 I have been around LS for over three months, and am amazed by how our stories are so similar. My wife had become very distant and cold and started lying which was which was not apparent until I had figured out what was going on. She told me she was going out with a girlfriend to watch a movie at the local theatre and I stayed home with our 5 yr old son. I has gone to bed at about 11:30pm, and she came home at 2:30am. I asked her where she was and she said they had stayed in town and went to a few bars. I thought that to be odd so I went through her pants and came across some receipts from that night and low and behold she was in a completely different town. I started to check her phone when she was not around, and found some guy's name in there that I had never heard of, and they had talked for over 75 minutes. I asked her what the hell was going on and she assured me that they were just friends. My gut was telling me different but i chose to believe her. Big Mistake. We separated because she did not know if she wanted to continue the marriage because she has been so miserable. Needless to say it was like getting hit in the stomach by a charging rhino. I must have cried for two weeks straight, the pain was horable and almost unbearable. I started to plan away to get revenge, I even toyed with the idea of suicide. I could never do that because my son is the joy of my life. I tried no contact with her, but i could never stay away nor could I pry myself from the phone. She kept telling me that I was smothering her and pushing her farther and farther away. I tried and I tried to have NC but the pain was to real, and I wanted to show her how much I loved her. Can She would also make sure to let me know they were not having sex, they were just very good friends. Yeah was I ever the total idiot to beleive that. Of course she was sleeping with him, they played house together while I was still paying the mortgage and lived in the next town over with my sister. My mind was my biggest enemy, I would sit there all day and imagine them having sex in my bed, or going to places to escape reality while I took care of my son. The straw that broke the camels back came just last weekend when my wife asked me to come over and watch our son. I said what did you have planned? She said she was going boating with her special friend. I told her we were over and that was going to destroy her special friend and that i did not care what was going to happen. I called the guy and told him I knew what was going on, and that I was going to pound his head into the ground. I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was breaking up and starting to cry. Needless to say he told my wife that he did not want to see her anymore, because it wasnt a good idea. My wife was upset with me because she thought he was the one for her. Go figure. My wife and I are starting to reconnect, my father thinks i am an idiot for sticking with her, but i feel my marriage and my son are the most important two people in my life. I don't think the threats did anything other than to speed up the process of ending the affair. There is a long road ahead for my family, and a lot of healing that needs to happen, it won't happen overnight but at least we have the chance to give it one more try.
Billy Bob Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 I agree with your dad... it will happen again. Time to dump her, you are just prolonging the inevitable.
mark982 Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 i agree w/ cta and your dad. BUT get all your ducks lined up first.qact nice, be good. but see a lawyer and he'll straighten you out so you're not out in the cold next time, and there will be a next time.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 My wife and I are starting to reconnect, my father thinks i am an idiot for sticking with her, but i feel my marriage and my son are the most important two people in my life. In general I agree with your dad. The only reason your wife is with you... is because the other guy is done with her. Why are you happy to be her second choice? With that said... I wish you the best of luck in trying to fix your marriage. You need to educate yourself, so read marriage busters or something.
TrustInYourself Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 What the hell man? Did you actually address any of the problems in your relationship? You are setting yourself up for failure if you didn't learn anything from this experience. I understand wanting to work things out with your marriage, but she steamrolled you and you just bent over and took it like a little bitch and welcomed her back with open arms. Seriously, have some pride. You were right to feel bad about another man banging your wife in your bed. Stand up for yourself.
Author sednwol Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 We have been to IC not MC, we are both working on ourselves to be better people as well as parents. The easy way out is like you have said, leave her, get a good attorney, and be done with her. This experience has shown me what type of person I was, although I did not have an affair, I was an egotistical, controlling, selfish bastard who was miserable to live with. If we do not make it this time around I will be the one to say it is over, I am young and I have my whole life to live ahead of me. I don't want to have the feeling of regret because we did not try. As for having no back bone, It takes more strength and courage to face reality then it does to run and hide from it.
badbrit Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 As for having no back bone, It takes more strength and courage to face reality then it does to run and hide from it. exactly and that is what everyone is saying. You are not facing reality but have taken the easy option of taking this woman back. It takes strength and courage to see that you would long term be better without this woman in your life and to go through the short term pain. Instead you have chosen a lesser pain but for longer. I personally always choose the shorter term intense pain followed by longer term happiness.
Darth Vader Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 So, you're gonna let your wife get away with riding another man in your bed, while your son heard her moaning and screaming from your bedroom? Come on man, you gotta be angry at what she's done to you and your son. Drop her ASS! You deserve better!
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Two wrongs dont make a right and she souldnt just get the free bang another man pass just because you did wrong things, you didnt cheat and throw it in her face. Just remember she might relapse and do another man. I pray for you to reconsile your marriage but dont forget what happened.
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