freedom8 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Since you have made the ultimate decision to wait for her reply (7 weeks is a long time to keep thinking everyday), what are you going to do in the meantime? Are you strong enough to keep moving your life along and hope silently? I find it is quite difficult to hold on and hope especially if the end result blows up in our faces. I guess one option now is to keep your head up and get on with life until the next encounter. In the end you know in your mind and heart that this has to play out for the better or worse, otherwise you will never know if things can be rekindled. Good luck buddy.
Author Exl Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 Since you have made the ultimate decision to wait for her reply (7 weeks is a long time to keep thinking everyday), what are you going to do in the meantime? Are you strong enough to keep moving your life along and hope silently? I find it is quite difficult to hold on and hope especially if the end result blows up in our faces. I guess one option now is to keep your head up and get on with life until the next encounter. In the end you know in your mind and heart that this has to play out for the better or worse, otherwise you will never know if things can be rekindled. Good luck buddy. Yes, you are right. That's pretty much my mindset now. I will keep living and wether it turns out for the best or the worse it's not up to me. I've done my share. In any case I must be prepared for either. To be honest, I've been giving it some real thinking and I believe the last months of these relationship have been extremely bad for myself. I used to be a self-confident guy with loads of energy and little by little, all of that was worn out. I'm a shadow of what I used to be and I have to blame her for that. I don't know if she, even if she wants to, can make up for all the indiference, disrespect and neglection she, willingly or not, put into our relationship. From my point of view she would have an impossibly hard task in winning back my trust, my respect and ultimately my true love. But since she is a worthless PA coward, she will most probably run away, as she does with everything in her life. Other chance is that she will say that "she didn't have time to think". She won't have any longer. One month has been hard enough and I'm not even halfway so I will want it over as soon as possible, for the better or for the worst. Of course she didn't have time to think, she was too busy getting drunk and going out 4 nights a week not to mention the hangover the days after. But now that's HER problem. This is not love. It hasn't been since she distanced herself from our relationship without measuring the consequences. Perhaps I will leave an expression worthy of being quoted and adapted for years to come: This is not love, this is just a "phantom limb" feeling. Because love is two ways. What I'm feeling is just the lone ghost of what it used to be. I don't know what will happen, in fact I've just found out that that deadline is closer than I initially thought, exams are over in 5-6 weeks. That's less than a month and a half. Most probably I will be thinking about her every day, but ultimately I will not call her or make any efforts. I believe that even now, 1 month after, she has changed too much (for the worse), so I don't even know if I want that person. The person I loved is long gone. If she turns out to contact me, it'll be her call. Her decision won't be final depending on what I will feel by then, because I will also have something to say. I've been amusing myself with the thoughts of actually ignoring her by then or, if I do meet her, tell her what she TRULY deserves to hear. Not that it will make a difference. I'm worn out and tired and sincerely I know I deserve better. I've always been the better half of the relationship and we both know it. As for keeping myself busy, I will starting a new job this week. It isn't healthy staying at home looking at the walls, plus the money will come handy. I want to travel. Far away.
freedom8 Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 You have basically already seen a little clearer now. You know what you have to do in order to keep your life moving and I can see the confidence that is there to do so. Remember your emotions will go up and down so keep trying to think positive things about your life. When you are down don't allow yourself to grieve too long, just snap out of it and try your best to do something else. Hopefully when the time comes and she has made her decision that whatever the outcome, you will be ready with her. If she wants a second chance then the ball will be in your court and if she wants the opposite then at least you will already be on the road to self discovery and worth again.
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