It was inevitable

[Exl]

It was bound to happen. 3 and a half weeks after our "space" started out (which will supposedly last 2 more months), while she mantained strict NC and I broke it a few times - but without begging or clinging -, sooner or later we'd meet coincidentally.

 

In fact, I'm wondering how it didn't happen any earlier, since we live 5 minutes apart and there's an extremely high chance I might have bumped into her pretty much every day I stepped out of my place.

 

However, after the initial 1/2 second shock, I dealed with it quite well. I was walking with a friend, and there she was on the bus stop. Our eyes crossed for a second, and I think she even did a small unnefective try to stay out of sight. Me and my friend stopped a few feet away, I exchanged a quick words with him and decided to go up to her and speak, it would be rude not to.

 

I walked up confidently, gave her a kiss in the cheek and gently touched her in the arm, said hello and asked her how she was doing, to which she replied a timid "...well". At the same time it almost seemed she was going to get cold or rude on me, after all she didn't answer any of my contacts all this time, but she couldn't do it. I was too confident and didn't even give her time to react. Exchanged a couple more courtesies and left while waving to my friend who was meanwhile waiting for the bus too. Mantained confident eye contact most of the time and the only time I couldn't I made it look like I was looking where my friend was. All of the encounter didn't last much more than 20 seconds.

 

I was looking good. In fact, quite good. Clean shave, very well dressed, new haircut. Looking surprisingly good (the first thing I did a few minutes after was to check on the mirror how I was looking, lol)! Along with my display of confidence, there's not a way she wasn't left thinking of me. After all, she hadn't seen me in 3 1/2 weeks either.

 

On the other hand, she wasn't looking that good. Not bad either, just casually dressed with some old jeans and no special make up or hairdo. And she usually takes a lot of time on looking good. Was strange. She was also looking tired and perhaps there was even some sadness to it.

 

I'm dealing with it a little better than I expected. I guess I was lucky. I pretty much used all my courage on those few seconds and did a timely exit before leaving any time for any of us feel unconfortable or to say anything else.

 

I am pretty sure she's thinking of me. She did want space "to get her mind together" and we decided on that a couple of days after I actually got myself around to break up with her (the most regular of you probably have read here and there some details on our situation). Perhaps wasn't the best option, in some ways I'd have prefered the clean breakup from a few days before, but since I never stopped loving her (had no choice but to leave her because she was dragging us down for over a year and her distance and sulkiness was driving me insane), in a way I think I'm hoping for things to get better if she gets herself and her life/mind straight. We've also agreed not to see any other people in that time.

 

I think it was a good moment, in a way. I feel good.

[motive2002]

So, she wanted space from you and you broke up with her? Just trying to get it straight.

[Exl]

No, I didn't want to get (even more) lengthy and re-tell all of our situation, most of the users will have read here and there.

 

In the very short version what happened was she was getting distant and unaffectionate for almost a year. I tried for as long as I could that we'd talk and set things right but since she's Passive Aggressive it was pretty much a dead end. She won't communicate at all, shuts down completely.

 

Eventually, after I was left feeling miserable for a long long time, I couldn't just handle it anymore. And it seemed things were getting worse by the second.

Eventually one day I went to her place, ended up talking alone for 4 hours making up for my point of view, in a very mature way, and in the end I left her an option hanging in the air that meant "if you really can't give me a good reason for us to keep trying, I'll have to leave". And I left.

 

A few days later she e-mailed me saying she knew it was all her fault and how she felt sad she couldn't get herself around to do something about our relationship. She always knew what I felt about it as I tried many times to speak (rather monologues) to her about it. She knew exactly what the problems were. She mentioned those few days had been helpful in her thinking and she's been able to finally think about some of our issues. She also said it was better this way for now, because she feels like she is going down and she doesn't want to drag me along with it. Even though it was vague and seemed more like a "conscience-flusher", I met up with her that night and ended up talking to her until the morning.

 

We talked - for the first time in ages - in a rather communicative way. She even came around to talk about some issues we had she actively avoided at any cost. It ended up on the status of our relationship and I told her I'm always willing to try because I always have loved her. We started bargaining on what to do and eventually came to a middle term that we should take a couple of months apart, while mantaining a little contact. She needed to get her mind and her "problems" worked on, as well to dedicate herself fully to the upcoming (starts now) exams which will last until late July (the timeline we set). She also said about needing the time to find herself again without having to rely on me, because we started dating on the very first week she moved here almost 3 years ago and pretty much I've always been around to help her and to guide her around. I must confess she may have let herself become a little to dependent on me on some issues. We also agreed not to see anyone in between. We kissed before I left and we both agreed it was a very good talk and we both felt really good about it.

 

That was almost 4 weeks ago. I've sent her a couple of texts and e-mails in the meantime regarding some issues but never begged nor clinged, rather leaving it implicitly I'm willing to work on this, even though I do not fully agree with the terms (the next day the "space" idea did seem quite bad to me). Perhaps there's some issues I shouldn't have approached on those messages, but I really had a hard time and never sold myself short anyway.

She never answered any of those and the only time I got her to answer me, was about one week later when I asked her, casually, out to dinner. Nothing fancy. She was a little mad at me and said it wasn't probably a good idea. I was really pissed off about her for a few days after that, but I came to terms with it, somehow.

 

That's pretty much most of the recent backstory. I've left one or other details around while answering some other posts, as well as my original post "Now What?" which went unnoticed and is probably buried deep now in the "Breaking Up" sub-forum.

[tealeafbud]

Dude, with that new found confidence, new haircut, nice dressed clothes, you'll be able to find some new hottie to treat you 10x better. Nice going to at least say hello to her and display your confident self.

[Exl]

Dude, with that new found confidence, new haircut, nice dressed clothes, you'll be able to find some new hottie to treat you 10x better. Nice going to at least say hello to her and display your confident self.

 

Thanks for the input. TBH it may be weak of me, but I really have a lot going on for her and secretly hope this will work out in the end. The potential is still there, I know it. But she does need to set her mind straight a little. She has accumulated a lot of stuff over the last year because she's PA and can't get stuff out. I've always noticed how it wore her down more and more but I really couldn't do anything about it and neither could she. After getting proper informed about her problem I did realize much of our problems are originating from her disorder. However it bothers me I can't help or support her. I know she feels she depends on me a lot (on both good and bad ways), so it's probably one of the things she has to come to terms with.

 

She needs to go to the psychiatrist and she has agreed she must do it. Let's hope she also takes this time to do it (we've mentioned it in our last talk).

If she gets her PA behaviour out of the way, she is the girl for me, I have no doubts. But I can't really take her if things are not to work out. Yet I've also told her I'm not sure if I can wait, but will respect the two-months "see no one else" period.

 

But deep down she's the only one on my mind and even if it doesn't work out it'll be a while before I can get myself to date other women, to be honest.

[Exl]

Am I really a weakling for really wanting my girl back?

[LikeCharlotte]

Am I really a weakling for really wanting my girl back?

Not at all. Just make sure you know what you are doing. If its over, its over don't hang on.

[justine4]

You'll certainly have given her food for thought. Seeing you when you're looking well and shes not - you can bet your bottom dollar she'll be thinking of you (and of the fact that she looked so dowdy when you met - she'll be kicking herself for that, purely on a vanity basis!)

 

No wonder you're feeling positive about yourself.

 

Maybe she is facing her demons (sounds very harsh but I hope you know what I mean!) Being passive agressive, the main problem she had in your relationship had to do with her way of dealing with things because of her PA nature. Closing down and keeping everything to oneself - its self-destructive. People who talk about issues etc can get a different perspective on things. However, when someone does put up a barrier, they prevent themselves from getting another perspective.

 

Its not a bad thing sometimes to want to deal with things on your own, but when you're in a relationship - thats when your partner can really be of help. To understand, to listen, to be that shoulder for support...

 

Hopefully, not having you there is making her face how much she cares for you, how the PA is a major part in the demise of the relationship, and how, now that she can't avoid whats happening, she will 'face her demons' and actually open up to you and put the relationship back on track.

 

I'd say it won't be long before she contacts you. Fingers crossed hey???

[LikeCharlotte]

You'll certainly have given her food for thought. Seeing you when you're looking well and shes not - you can bet your bottom dollar she'll be thinking of you (and of the fact that she looked so dowdy when you met - she'll be kicking herself for that, purely on a vanity basis!)

 

No wonder you're feeling positive about yourself.

 

Maybe she is facing her demons (sounds very harsh but I hope you know what I mean!) Being passive agressive, the main problem she had in your relationship had to do with her way of dealing with things because of her PA nature. Closing down and keeping everything to oneself - its self-destructive. People who talk about issues etc can get a different perspective on things. However, when someone does put up a barrier, they prevent themselves from getting another perspective.

 

Its not a bad thing sometimes to want to deal with things on your own, but when you're in a relationship - thats when your partner can really be of help. To understand, to listen, to be that shoulder for support...

 

Hopefully, not having you there is making her face how much she cares for you, how the PA is a major part in the demise of the relationship, and how, now that she can't avoid whats happening, she will 'face her demons' and actually open up to you and put the relationship back on track.

 

I'd say it won't be long before she contacts you. Fingers crossed hey???

Hopefully that is what will happen but people don't change overnight. Just know what you are getting into. Justine made some really great points about PA. Hopefully you love her enough to stand by her if it works out.

[justine4]

Hopefully that is what will happen but people don't change overnight. Just know what you are getting into. Justine made some really great points about PA. Hopefully you love her enough to stand by her if it works out.

 

LC, I think we both are on the same page here. We both have similar experiences (from reading previous posts) about the 'other halves' putting up their barriers, closing down and not discussing their 'problems/issues'. Especially when a relationship is ending because of this and yet you know the love is there (I have NO doubt about that) and so do they.

 

As someone who is very open and not afraid (to my own cost is seems!) to talk things over, its very hard (almost impossible) to understand how others don't see the benefit and find it so hard. Its even harder to understand it when, ultimately, the person affected because of it, is themselves.

 

I don't know - sometimes (not that I condone violence of course! ) you feel like giving them a good shake and hope it'd dislodge the blinkers they have on and let them 'see the light!'

 

I live in hope!

 

LC, did you get a little bit of satisfaction reading the OP's description of his ex? I sort of did (shoot me for it!) It gives me hope that my ex is going around completely and utterly miserable (I know, its not a very becoming quality to want someone feeling pain, especially when you love them so much) but it is slightly comforting that they too are also in a heap. Oh, that sounds sooo bad:o.....

[LikeCharlotte]

LC, I think we both are on the same page here. We both have similar experiences (from reading previous posts) about the 'other halves' putting up their barriers, closing down and not discussing their 'problems/issues'. Especially when a relationship is ending because of this and yet you know the love is there (I have NO doubt about that) and so do they.

It's has been very hard. Ultimately there is nothing I can do but hope for his sake something about this had hit him. He's not a bad guy at all and really needs to be loved. Like you I had no doubts about the love and the worst thing in the world is knowing that you just can't reach someone through their wall of fear and negativity.

 

As someone who is very open and not afraid (to my own cost is seems!) to talk things over, its very hard (almost impossible) to understand how others don't see the benefit and find it so hard. Its even harder to understand it when, ultimately, the person affected because of it, is themselves.

 

I don't know - sometimes (not that I condone violence of course! ) you feel like giving them a good shake and hope it'd dislodge the blinkers they have on and let them 'see the light!'

 

I live in hope!

I live in hope as well. If I didn't I wouldn't be alive or sane. Life hasn't been very kind to me. I was unlucky in some ways and lucky in others. Having lived through some really awful things gave me the tools to communicate (not always well) and be introspective enough to know my motives. It is very frustrating to have loved someone who just doesn't have those tools in spades. Especially when you know they are smart and kind enough to be able to use them. On the other hand when I think of what I had to go through to get them I'd never wish it on anyone.

 

 

LC, did you get a little bit of satisfaction reading the OP's description of his ex? I sort of did (shoot me for it!) It gives me hope that my ex is going around completely and utterly miserable (I know, its not a very becoming quality to want someone feeling pain, especially when you love them so much) but it is slightly comforting that they too are also in a heap. Oh, that sounds sooo bad:o.....

I'd give an arm to know that this whole mess has affected him and he learned from it. I'd hate to think he's hurt but the alternative is that he just doesn't care at all. I guess I am just not going to be allowed to know. *sigh* As it stands I'm outside his wall deciding if it was wise to send a messenger through armed guards. I think the messenger has been captured if not killed.

[Exl]

You'll certainly have given her food for thought. Seeing you when you're looking well and shes not - you can bet your bottom dollar she'll be thinking of you (and of the fact that she looked so dowdy when you met - she'll be kicking herself for that, purely on a vanity basis!)

Yes, I bet she will, she is a VERY vanity-driven person.

 

No wonder you're feeling positive about yourself.

 

Indeed I do.

 

Hopefully, not having you there is making her face how much she cares for you, how the PA is a major part in the demise of the relationship, and how, now that she can't avoid whats happening, she will 'face her demons' and actually open up to you and put the relationship back on track.

 

She does know. Especially since I indentified her disorder (until then I thought it was only a depression). It completely opened my eyes, but unfortunately it was too late. However, still had the chance to tell her about it and she did seem interested at first, but later missed and never rescheduled her psychiatrist appointment. I've openly and directly pointed out, in a calm and not judging way, many aspects of her behaviour and personality and it matches perfectly a PA character and how it affected both our relationship and myself. However PA people are resistant to even the slightest suggestions, as they see it as a way to manipulate or control them (also fits her very well), I don't know how effective I was opening her eyes to the problem. Because there is no chance, she WILL need to face it sooner or later. Even for her own sake and if I'm well out of the picture.

 

I'd say it won't be long before she contacts you. Fingers crossed hey???

 

Hope you're right! However there is a factor I cannot close my eyes to. She is extremely proud and stubborn (add it to PA and you'll get a pretty good picture of her). I personally wouldn't expect her to take a first step like that (well, I didn't expect her to send that e-mail, no matter how vague it was), but who knows. My ultimate view of seeing this is: when the "space" period is over, she won't contact me, nor will I. And of course, it'll be my fault for not contacting. (How PA!)

But I sincerely hope you're right and that at least some balance is restored in her mind and it opens the tracks to further understanding (or not).

 

 

 

Food for MY thought. She's changed her IM description to "...Oh well.". Now I am sure I definitely made her think.

[Exl]

Hopefully that is what will happen but people don't change overnight. Just know what you are getting into. Justine made some really great points about PA. Hopefully you love her enough to stand by her if it works out.

 

Yes, people don't change overnight indeed. I do not expect, even if she attends a GOOD psychiatrist who'll spot her problem right on and starts working on it, that any major changes will happen within, at the very least, the first 6 months.

 

No matter how thoughtfull she may be at the moment, she will always viewing this through her PA perspective and whatever led her to get distant from me in the first place. I've always told her over the last few months that I never was her enemy but a faithful ally. But never really told her that her enemy is... Herself.

 

I love her enough to stand by her side, however I will not forgive her if her ultimate motives stray her from her responsabilities to herself (and to me). I fear she's weak enough to try to find an easy way out rather than facing her problems and me. Also because she is a VERY pretty young woman (she's even been on the cover of a magazine, that says it all, as well as many invitations to model) and may be tempted into falling for someone else for "quick healing", as she's hit on pretty much all the time and even statistically some of them may even seem interesting. That's my ultimate fear and the problem with dealing with PA people and their lack of answers (and therefore our doubts) is that ultimately I'm always dealing with my personal demons to fill up for the space she can't/doesn't answer to. And I can be a very insecure fellow if I lose a fair perspective over the situations. That's what ultimately broke me down so much that I had no other choice but to break up with her.

 

Besides that, I did work very hard for the relationship for over a year in those conditions. I can be very resilient. However, as I always told her, it does depend on her and it always did, because my love for her was never in question. If she messes it up, I'll probably never forgive her.

 

Her need to avoid problems (also a very PA characteristic) can be extreme. She moved out 4 times from place to place during these 3 years, because she didn't want to face the problems. Either being a flatmate who would eat her food or one who struggled to pay the bills. Instead of facing them (or talking them into leaving) she always ultimately left without a word (it DID happen) or with some lame excuses such as that the place's dust wasn't good for her health or her room wasn't big enough, and in a couple of cases the solution was as simple as a fair and honest talk, she'd rather sulk for months and talk bad about them on their backs and ultimately getting no real solution in her head but to leave, but always looking like there was nothing wrong when they were around. She did the same with her university course, after the first year she simply changed to a complete different area (from science to arts). And she does this in bigger or smaller proportions for everything in her life. In a way, she may have done the same thing to me.

 

I fear her need to escape the problems will ultimately also lead her to escape from me rather than work things out.

[Exl]

LC, did you get a little bit of satisfaction reading the OP's description of his ex? I sort of did (shoot me for it!) It gives me hope that my ex is going around completely and utterly miserable (I know, its not a very becoming quality to want someone feeling pain, especially when you love them so much) but it is slightly comforting that they too are also in a heap. Oh, that sounds sooo bad:o.....

 

Don't we all? I find myself reading other posts and doing exactly the same Not that I wish her anything wrong, of course. I think it's a way to project ourselves in other people's situations and taking sadness/happiness/etc as our own. Empathy is really a big thing.

 

Being in a mood I want my girl back, I'll go look at the "Second Chances" forums and vouch for them all to get their girls back, if I'm pissed off for any reason, I go beat the crap out of other people's ex's who sound like mine It can ultimately be funny if you look at it that way and recognize that pattern.

 

In a way, it's an indirect way of giving advice to ourselves. Maybe LS is all about that too!

 

On the other hand is like asking for advice and not reading what you don't want to because the answer you really need is the answer after that happens to fit your hopes/mood better.

[Exl]

How insightful of me that last post!

[LikeCharlotte]

Don't we all? I find myself reading other posts and doing exactly the same Not that I wish her anything wrong, of course. I think it's a way to project ourselves in other people's situations and taking sadness/happiness/etc as our own. Empathy is really a big thing.

 

Being in a mood I want my girl back, I'll go look at the "Second Chances" forums and vouch for them all to get their girls back, if I'm pissed off for any reason, I go beat the crap out of other people's ex's who sound like mine It can ultimately be funny if you look at it that way and recognize that pattern.

 

In a way, it's an indirect way of giving advice to ourselves. Maybe LS is all about that too!

 

On the other hand is like asking for advice and not reading what you don't want to because the answer you really need is the answer after that happens to fit your hopes/mood better.

Insightful indeed. I'm going to keep this in mind when I'm reading responses. People need peole and without empathy it would all just fall to pieces. You are a clever one Exl.

[Exl]

Insightful indeed. I'm going to keep this in mind when I'm reading responses. People need peole and without empathy it would all just fall to pieces. You are a clever one Exl.

 

It's the second time you say that to me, only the last time you mistakingly called me Just

[Exl]

Well, I think I've just reinforced my point. Besides the true feeling that she was left thinking of our random encounter (her message change on MSN did hint it), I managed to pull it twice... Sort of.

 

Was on a snack bar this evening having a coffee with a guy friend, and a couple of their girl colleagues walked in.

 

I have to mention that all of her friends have always shown high regard for me, one of these two once made a full party out of "announcing" me as the best boyfriend in the world ever, which made my girl blush. That happened a few months ago. Most of her possible shoulders have no reason but to have the uttermost respect for me. Another one of them (which is probably shoulder #1) told me she remembers me as "the guy who went to the trouble of making her a nice warm cup of tea just because she was sick when I really didn't have to", so she'd really have to lie a lot to actually gather some real, strong support. Yet, "hell hath no fury like a woman's friends". I make sure I keep it in mind!

 

Well, I pulled all my courage together (once again) and walked into their table with a broad smile and general good mood and initiated a courtesy talk (the usual 30 second type: hello, how are you, etc).

Well, she never noticed but she did a small random question of something (doesn't really matter what but was small talk about a job) that she wasn't supposed to know, that I included in one of those NC-breaking text messages I sent her meanwhile.

 

Apparently I got it exactly on what appears to be one of her shoulders, since there was no way she would've known it (even though it's something that looks completely ordinary, but I happened to mention it only to my girl). And since yesterday's incident I made sure I looked extra good today, so once more I pulled the carefree, confident, goodlooking and almost happy attitude. And I guess she'll be knowing about it really soon. Good work for me, I guess!

 

Not to mention that yesterday night, after my encounter with her, I also went out for a couple of beers to a small bar and did meet with a couple of her (regular) colleagues and even came around to propose a small courtesy toast when I passed by, they'll surely drop the line "hey I saw your bf/ex yesterday night having a great time" (depending on how much they know about it).

 

Well, at least I'm feeling good for the moment!

[LikeCharlotte]

It's the second time you say that to me, only the last time you mistakingly called me Just

Really? I apologize! I don't sleep much these days. Apparently the point is hitting and I think the poster is clever but I am simply bad with names.

[Exl]

Really? I apologize! I don't sleep much these days. Apparently the point is hitting and I think the poster is clever but I am simply bad with names.

 

Doesn't matter, just found it funny! Don't worry about it.

 

I am at the moment trying very hard not to let go of my current leverage. I just feel like texting her (even though I have no idea what I'd say) but know it's probably the worst timing ever to do it. For some reason I just know she's on a club which is 5 minutes away from here with her girlfriends and I'd simply feel like showing up there, which is also not a very good idea, especially because I'd have to go alone and wouldn't look good plus I have failed miserably to find someone to come along. I guess that's the problem of being a thinking/rather insecure person.

I'll just have to hope she's getting wasted to handle our encounter yesterday and something good comes out of that and the drunk talk with her girlfriends who happen to respect and like me.

 

I have to hang on. But can't seem to get myself distracted enough not to think of it. But I guess I'll be able to handle it. I have to.

[Exl]

First of all, welcome back all. LS is back yay!

 

Meanwhile, I must say I pretty much made a fool of myself.

 

Was out yesterday night, pretty sure she wasn't gonna show up since it was rather late already, so drinking quite a lot. Well. She did show up. Of course, I ended up walking to her a couple of times.

In both of them she seemed almost indiferent, acted pretty much unnaproachable and in both she pretty much "sent me away", because she "didn't want to talk". Yet she did talk to me a little, I asked her if our agreement (not getting involved with other people) was still standing and she told that on her part it was and - this surprised me, counter attacked with a quite inquisitive "and you?" (probably because the week before I was seen clubbing with a cute friend).

 

On the way out (already in the morning) she was outside, pretty much as wasted as everyone else at that time. Walked up to her one last time. She then told me "she wasn't still prepared" to talk to me, and I made her promise she would be the one contacting me when she was (one of my fears) which she agreed to. And I told her she was being rude by treating me as a nuissance, which lowered her guard a little. After all she doesn't have any reasons to do so, and never had.

 

While inside (don't know how participative the guy - someone from her university, she was there with a load of people from her course - was, or if was only trying to be an alpha male), and the first time I approached her, he immediatly "paved the exit way" allowing her to leave me gracefully while looking at me sideways somewhat in a angry way. Like... A skinny (yet tall) nerd boy. Poor fellow. I would have turned him into pieces was I a violent person. Probably just trying to get on her panties and she totally used him for shielding most of the night.

 

For the most of the night, she did keep looking my way. And was approached by a million guys that night which seemed to have been sent off immediatly.

 

I ain't trying to make it look any less - perhaps it's just me highlighting the positive points - but I was so drunk that even though now I look back and didn't look so bad (didn't do anything TOO stupid, except wanting her to talk with me), but while I was there it was feeling like walking on fire... A very long walk.

 

In a way, I did make a fool of myself to actually get these answers, while the hell load of indifference DID hurt, the few answers were important to me. And if it wasn't enough half an hour later after getting home, I sent her a couple of texts about the indifference and about our situation... But ultimately telling her I'll respect her need for space and keep our agreement going. She just shakes me so much.

 

Oh.. And I vaguely remember one of the times I walked to her giving her a strawberry lollipop I had thought of giving her the next time we crossed paths.

[kizik]

Exl,

 

bro you gotta stop staying in touch with her. I see it as one of two choices:

 

1. Be together

2. Be apart, and don't talk.

[Exl]

Exl,

 

bro you gotta stop staying in touch with her. I see it as one of two choices:

 

1. Be together

2. Be apart, and don't talk.

 

 

Yeah, but still we are tied through our agreement. I've decided to stick to it. Only after that I will decide what to do. So I pretty much have 7 weeks worth of trying not to bump into her and of trying not to text her, that's a challenge enough for itself.

 

That doesn't mean I can't live my life in the middle, currently applying for a new job which will give me some financial freedom to "space out" after it and get on a plane and go somewhere else in Europe for a week. If it turns out that her intentions are good, the extra money will come handy too.

 

In a way I believe she really needs to space out. Her encounters with her do bear a lot of emotional meaning for her (and for me too) and perhaps are better avoidable for the moment.

 

She starts her exams within the next 2 days, she'll be studying and doing final assignments right until our "period" is over (the deadline was the end of the exams). So I better leave her at it.

 

Will try to go out when I can be totally sure she won't, and all that crap. It is a small city so coincidences are inevitable, but will try to lower those probabilities.

 

After that, who knows what will happen.

 

As for what you said, Kiz, the options are not exactly those at the moment. Being together right now is not an option. Otherwise we wouldn't be in this mess.

 

It's rather:

 

1) Wait 7 weeks see if it works out to be together again (which makes it two options actually).

2) Move on and forget our agreement.

 

So I have decided for number 1. She made it clear our agreement is still valid, so it's the very least I owe (not to her) but to our past relationship.

[serendip]

First of all, welcome back all. LS is back yay!

 

Meanwhile, I must say I pretty much made a fool of myself.

 

Was out yesterday night, pretty sure she wasn't gonna show up since it was rather late already, so drinking quite a lot. Well. She did show up. Of course, I ended up walking to her a couple of times.

In both of them she seemed almost indiferent, acted pretty much unnaproachable and in both she pretty much "sent me away", because she "didn't want to talk". Yet she did talk to me a little, I asked her if our agreement (not getting involved with other people) was still standing and she told that on her part it was and - this surprised me, counter attacked with a quite inquisitive "and you?" (probably because the week before I was seen clubbing with a cute friend).

 

On the way out (already in the morning) she was outside, pretty much as wasted as everyone else at that time. Walked up to her one last time. She then told me "she wasn't still prepared" to talk to me, and I made her promise she would be the one contacting me when she was (one of my fears) which she agreed to. And I told her she was being rude by treating me as a nuissance, which lowered her guard a little. After all she doesn't have any reasons to do so, and never had.

 

While inside (don't know how participative the guy - someone from her university, she was there with a load of people from her course - was, or if was only trying to be an alpha male), and the first time I approached her, he immediatly "paved the exit way" allowing her to leave me gracefully while looking at me sideways somewhat in a angry way. Like... A skinny (yet tall) nerd boy. Poor fellow. I would have turned him into pieces was I a violent person. Probably just trying to get on her panties and she totally used him for shielding most of the night.

 

For the most of the night, she did keep looking my way. And was approached by a million guys that night which seemed to have been sent off immediatly.

 

I ain't trying to make it look any less - perhaps it's just me highlighting the positive points - but I was so drunk that even though now I look back and didn't look so bad (didn't do anything TOO stupid, except wanting her to talk with me), but while I was there it was feeling like walking on fire... A very long walk.

 

In a way, I did make a fool of myself to actually get these answers, while the hell load of indifference DID hurt, the few answers were important to me. And if it wasn't enough half an hour later after getting home, I sent her a couple of texts about the indifference and about our situation... But ultimately telling her I'll respect her need for space and keep our agreement going. She just shakes me so much.

 

Oh.. And I vaguely remember one of the times I walked to her giving her a strawberry lollipop I had thought of giving her the next time we crossed paths.

 

 

I think it's best to leave her alone...from what you wrote...she totally doesn't even want to see you but you kept pestering her...which kills attraction and then on top of that you text her several times to pester her more.

 

It's like one of those "god this is awkward" moments...she wants to be polite...but from what you said...her actions are telling you to take the hint and walk.

[Exl]

Thanks for your input. I'll leave it to her for now. I haven't been much of a pester the last month, but that night was indeed too awkward to both of us.

 

I'll let her get her mind straight. She has no option but to take the step to talk to me anyway. We will not be able to avoid each other ever, whatever happens.

 

We will be chronically going to the same places, even if on other cities, unless one of us changes to the core and becomes a total different person with different tastes, which is unlikely.