1confused1 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I met a guy just going through a divorce as was I. We have been off and on for many years, and neither of us has been with another. He has always said that he was not ready to commit. Just recently he says he can't commit until he has random sex with other woman. What?????? He'd also really like to have sex with 2 women at once (I'm not going there). Since he is being totally honest, I'm not sure how to react. I first said that I couldn't have anything to do with him if he did that. Since he has also never commited to me, there are no strings, then I guess he's not doing anything wrong. But, I do want commitment, I want to be able to call him my boyfriend, and be able to make plans with him. I just can't sit around waiting for him to go get laid so I can then decide if I still want him. I think I have to go back to the, don't come back here when you are finished attitude.
Tripper Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Well at least he's honest. Shallow... flaky... but honest.
PandorasBox Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 He's probably already doing what it is he says he wants/needs to do. I say let him go and have all the sex he wants. You go your way. You both are at two difffernt places obviously.
Krytie TV Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Well at least he's honest. Shallow... flaky... but honest. Why is that shallow and flaky? For some guys (i.e., me) we can perceive that as a very important step in moving on from a long-term committed relationship. Well, maybe for those who do not stray once in a committed relationship. It can actually help one to prepare one for another commitment.
Enema Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 He wants to know if he's missing out on anything. If other women are better in bed, if he can score a hotter woman etc.. In short - if he can, he wants to trade up. But, if it doesn't work out, he'll fall back to old faithful. Don't be his backup plan.
Krytie TV Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 From personal experience, that's not always the case. It's not always about "better" or "trading up". Sometimes it's just the needed random encounter to kind of reboot the sexual drive or something. It's hard to explain, but sometimes it's nothing more than the act that's desired. Not always, but sometimes.
GoodOnPaper Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 . . . Just recently he says he can't commit until he has random sex with other woman. What?????? He'd also really like to have sex with 2 women at once . . . . As a guy who had very little success in attracting women -- certainly no ONSs -- I would have a similar attitude if I got divorced. I wouldn't want to bring any regrets about what I may have missed out on into a new LTR.
Mustang Sally Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 From personal experience, that's not always the case. It's not always about "better" or "trading up". Sometimes it's just the needed random encounter to kind of reboot the sexual drive or something. It's hard to explain, but sometimes it's nothing more than the act that's desired. Not always, but sometimes. Krytie, I appreciate you sharing this. Especially the bolded part. Because, as a woman, I can tell you that it is this woman's opinion that a man who feels he needs some random hookups at a stage in life where I would be presuming him to be a bit more mature than this sort of cliche college-boy approach to life, seems to have some issues in the self-esteem category. Just my opinion. Maybe I don't get it because I'm female? I dunno.
Tripper Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Why is that shallow and flaky? For some guys (i.e., me) we can perceive that as a very important step in moving on from a long-term committed relationship. Well, maybe for those who do not stray once in a committed relationship. It can actually help one to prepare one for another commitment. I'd like to think that a man who has married and divorced, has also outgrown the college frat boy mentality as well. JMO. Lemme ask you... do you think your philosophy of random sex for moving on from a relationship also applies equally to women?? Would you want to commit to a relationship to someone who had random sex after divorce?? Personally I treat myself better than that.
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