HeartOnSleeve Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I am so glad I found this website as I have had the worst month EVER! I met the man of my dreams and his friends sabotaged our realationship when we were going through a rough patch! Advice would be appreciated: Here is the background. My ex and I went to HS together and were close friends. Years later we both moved back to our hometown and reconnected. It was perfect and magical. Then he was stressed at work and looking for a new job and I was stressed with a move etc. So we were bickering a lot. I knew his friends didn't like me for "taking him away", but I didn't realize how much until we broke up and I heard the back end of the story. We never really "broke up" but, we stopped talking. He didn't try to talk to me or anything and left me heart broken and devestated. He's been partying with the two guys that and I quote said "all we want to do is sabotage their relationship", one even went so far as to say "if they ever get married, which I wouldn't let happen, I would stand up in front of the church and vouch against it". So that's the background. A month later, he and I have kind of spoken randomly. He said he misses me I miss him, but it seems like he is treating me like he doesn't even know me or once LOVED me. It's so hurtful. And the one time we tried to get together one of the jerks intercepted and dragged him out. I think I am seeing him this week but who knows if it will happen. I don't know why he wants to see me and am so confused it's giving me stomache aches becuase all I do is think about him and how he's hurt me by not communicating, but at the same time all I want is him back, but I'm fighting a battle against his friends in the long run. They are trying to hook him up with all sorts of women. sorry for the ramble, I am usually a better writer then this....I just want to figure out what is going through his head. Do men really just move on that fast? Out of sight out of mind? Should I just forget about him. Or is he just needing his space?
jadedone Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Yeah, I know what you mean. My ex is an amazing and beautiful woman, who realized she need time and space to take care of some things in her personal life. If we never get back together, it is a loss for me because she was wonderful. I'm scared that out of sight and out of mind will increase the odds of us not getting back together.
Author HeartOnSleeve Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 Exactaly my point! and he is acting like it's no big deal and I am just crushed. I am supposed to see him on Thursday but am so unsure of what to expect. Does he want me or not?! It's so confusing.
justaman99 Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Why not tell him exactly what you told us. Tell him about his friends and how they are interfering with something that has the potential to be great. Tell him they have no right to intrude on your lives together. Even better get all 4 together and tell them that you want to spend time with your bf but you also respect the time they want to spend with him. So let's figure something out, right here and now. If these guys are all chump losers with no life of their own or girlfriends then it will be difficult. -Just
twice_shy Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 There has to be more to this story. Unless his friends are scum of the earth, there has to be some other reason than you "taking him away from them" What was the bickering about?
Gawdess Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 I'm sorry you're hurting, but you can't let his friends be the scapegoat reason for him breaking up with you. If he really wanted to be with you, he would - he wouldn't let his friends stop him, if he was in love with you. By the way, who initiated getting together? Don't contact him anymore and try to move on.
Exl Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Yeah, I know what you mean. My ex is an amazing and beautiful woman, who realized she need time and space to take care of some things in her personal life. If we never get back together, it is a loss for me because she was wonderful. I'm scared that out of sight and out of mind will increase the odds of us not getting back together. I soooo know what you mean :/ Exactly same feeling, to the very last word.
Author HeartOnSleeve Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 First, I am not using his friends as a scape goat for our break up. My ex is young and his friends still hold a lot of influence in his life. I can understand that. Second, the reason we were bickering was becuase I was moving and leaving my long term job and that was extremly stressful. So I was grumpy for a little while, but we still had a great connection. His friends are actually scum of the earth. One of them cheats on their GF every week and the other is a narsasistic jerk who was always jealous of my relationship with my ex. So, yes I do blame this on them and I do believe that my ex loved me very much. He likes to make everyone happy and with all the stress in his life and mine, I think he found it hard to please everyone including me. Which is what he said the night we B/U. He initiated us getting together tomorrow, and infact every step of our relationship was initiated by him, the "i love you's", spending time together. I would never take him away from his friends or be demanding like that. I have my own life and friends that I like to spend time with too. It's not my fault that he wanted to spend his free time with me and not his friends. he probably told them that I wanted to hang out with him, instead of looking like a whipped boy adn saying...I want to stay in or hang out with my GF tonight. I would make his friends dinner, cookies, drive them around drunk etc. I am a good person. I realize it is not all their fault but they didn't help either of us. Would anyone want to hang out with people that don't like them? Thank you for all your support!
norajane Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 If he lets his skanky friends influence his dating choices, then it's his loss. He's not mature enough to make up his own mind. If he feels anything for you, he'd tell his friends to go pound sand while he enjoys your relationship. Why do you want an immature guy who lets his friends make up his mind for him? And keep in mind, you can tell the quality of people by the quality of their friends - the ones closest to him. If his best friends are a cheater and a narcissist, then your ex probably has poor judgment of character or has a skanky side to him as well.
Author HeartOnSleeve Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 If he lets his skanky friends influence his dating choices, then it's his loss. He's not mature enough to make up his own mind. If he feels anything for you, he'd tell his friends to go pound sand while he enjoys your relationship. Why do you want an immature guy who lets his friends make up his mind for him? And keep in mind, you can tell the quality of people by the quality of their friends - the ones closest to him. If his best friends are a cheater and a narcissist, then your ex probably has poor judgment of character or has a skanky side to him as well. Thank you for this! You said that perfectly and it's something that I know is true. My favorite quote is..."The Greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way that its animals are treated" -Gandi . I guess I need to put it to use with other aspects of life. My ex was just so diffrent from his friends...he had two sets of good friends...these amazing TX guys who were great people! and then his CA friends...which he see's everyday. This would never have happend if we were in TX. Grrr....
justaman99 Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 If he lets his skanky friends influence his dating choices, then it's his loss. He's not mature enough to make up his own mind. If he feels anything for you, he'd tell his friends to go pound sand while he enjoys your relationship. Why do you want an immature guy who lets his friends make up his mind for him? And keep in mind, you can tell the quality of people by the quality of their friends - the ones closest to him. If his best friends are a cheater and a narcissist, then your ex probably has poor judgment of character or has a skanky side to him as well. very well put
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