pandagirl Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 i've been writing threads about my current being dumped experience on here (i called it the "best break up ever"). even though it just happened a few days ago, i've been feeling really good about it and knew it was for the best. we only dated a month, so there wasn't much emotional investment, plus we both sincerely want to be friends, since that was the basis of our dating experience: getting along with each other. we left it as: i would contact him when i was ready to be friends. i was planning on calling him in a couple of weeks. half the time of our relationship. haha. the day after he dumped me, i sent him a text saying: "thanks for your honesty in this. i know we can probably be friends. i will call you." much to my chagrin, i get an email from him today about an inside joke we used to have. whereas i wasn't mad at him before for DUMPING me, now i AM mad for his disrespecting my space! what gives? if i dumped a guy three days ago, there would be no way i would unsolicitedly email him. that's just stupid. and this always happens to me. guys break up with me, then don't want to leave me alone. i'm talking...for YEARS.
Art_Critic Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 He is looking for sex Panda.. a FWB type of deal.. If I were you I would not reply to his email and if he does email again then I would give it to him with both barrels
Author pandagirl Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 I'm not replying! Yeesh, boys sure can be stupid. That's the thing though, when he left my place this weekend, we established: no more physical stuff, no more kissing. I was sort of like, "that's sucks...no more kissing." And he said: "Yes, no more kissing." And when he left my apartment, instead of kissing me on the lips, he kissed me on the cheek, so I thought he was being seriously about the no more physical stuff.
Art_Critic Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Yeesh, boys sure can be stupid. From the time when are all out on the playground it is the boys vs the girls and vice versa.. We try to get in your panties and you try to keep us out.. it is no different as adults...
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 That's the thing though, when he left my place this weekend, we established: no more physical stuff, no more kissing. I was sort of like, "that's sucks...no more kissing." And he said: "Yes, no more kissing." And when he left my apartment, instead of kissing me on the lips, he kissed me on the cheek, so I thought he was being seriously about the no more physical stuff. I agree with Art. He wants a FWB thang, and in his mind that TXT you sent him was an opening! Just ignore him for a time, and he will go away.
Crestfallen_KH Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Yep, he's hoping you'll sleep with him again. He may have said "Yes, no more kissing," because he wanted to "be a decent guy" but he's hoping you didn't really mean it. The others are right - if you ignore him, he'll go away. Any attempt to try and be friends may just encourage him and his erroneous thinking.
Author pandagirl Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 Yep, he's hoping you'll sleep with him again. He may have said "Yes, no more kissing," because he wanted to "be a decent guy" but he's hoping you didn't really mean it. The others are right - if you ignore him, he'll go away. Any attempt to try and be friends may just encourage him and his erroneous thinking. The whole problem is, we/I really do want to be friends. Personality wise, we get along so well (and we both have very specific personalities). I feel like if you date someone for such a short period of time, but you get along, that it's possible because there is no real damage to feel bitter about. Honestly, I have also thought about being FWB with him, but I know that is a bad idea. Am I naive in thinking that we can actually be friends? He seemed so sincere when he told me that physical part of our relationship was over. I don't want to ignore him. I want to have four hour conversations with him again and laugh the entire time!
Art_Critic Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 PG.. sometimes we just have to walk away and not look back.. this is one of those times for you. There isn't anything there for you.. nope.. no friendship.. You grew greatly while dating him.. please don't go back for seconds..you have learned what you could from this and if you go back for more education it will only be the lesson of heartbreak.
Crestfallen_KH Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 It's certainly up to you if you want to be FWB. I couldn't do it, and definitely couldn't do it with a guy I had previously been in a relationship with, but only you can truly know if that is something you can handle. I agree with AC - it's a downgrade and shows a willingness to settle for less. Didn't you even say he wasn't very good in your other thread? There are tons of great guys out there that you can laugh for four hours with. Give this one plenty of time before you make any decision. I think, with time, you'll demand better for yourself.
Author pandagirl Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 It's certainly up to you if you want to be FWB. I couldn't do it, and definitely couldn't do it with a guy I had previously been in a relationship with, but only you can truly know if that is something you can handle. I agree with AC - it's a downgrade and shows a willingness to settle for less. Didn't you even say he wasn't very good in your other thread? There are tons of great guys out there that you can laugh for four hours with. Give this one plenty of time before you make any decision. I think, with time, you'll demand better for yourself. I'm pretty much not into FWB, anyway, that's not really a path I want to go down. Never works out well. Too complicated. But do you guys think even being just friends is a bad idea? He's just so fun to be around and can actually keep up with my pace of banter. We have tons of common interests and we always have a great time together.
Crestfallen_KH Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 I would be surprised if you could be friends right away. Once you bring sex into the picture, it's hard to completely remove it without letting an appropriate amount of time pass. At least that's been my experience. What constitutes an "appropriate amount of time" will be different for each person, but if you really hope to be friends, I'd say give yourself the two weeks at least and see how he responds. I'm not sure why I feel this way, but I don't think he'll respond favorably. I could certainly be wrong, but I've found that guys who want FWBs with a woman typically aren't satsified with being friends in the truest sense.
Author pandagirl Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 That's assuming that he wants a FWBs relationship. Call me naive, but I don't think he wants that. I think he truly just wants me in his life as a friend. He said something to me like: "most girls i date and break up with, i don't want to be their friend, because honestly I didn't even like them much as people. but i actually like you. i feel lucky that i met you." Am I stupid? haha.
Gawdess Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Why do you care about his email? He sent you a friendly email because you texted him FIRST. It's not rocket science. Also you said you'd call....well, he's a guy and if he wants to talk to YOU, he'll call. You telling him you'll call in a couple weeks is meaningless. He needs to be the guy and call. He's not interested in you. You need to face that fact. You want him to be interested in you but he's not. Otherwise you wouldn't be going off the deep end because he sent you a friendly email in reply to your text. How is he invading your space if you contacted him first? Weren't you invading HIS space? I don't get this. For someone who claims she wasn't emotionally invested in this guy, you sure do get worked up over him.
Star Gazer Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Okay, you know I'm usually 100% on your side, but C'MON PANDA! He broke up with you and you still went ahead and HAD SEX WITH HIM (not that there's anything wrong with that). What makes you think that he would understand that, while he can stick his dick in you after breaking up with you, he can't send you a funny email?
Gawdess Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 That's assuming that he wants a FWBs relationship. Call me naive, but I don't think he wants that. I think he truly just wants me in his life as a friend. He said something to me like: "most girls i date and break up with, i don't want to be their friend, because honestly I didn't even like them much as people. but i actually like you. i feel lucky that i met you." Am I stupid? haha. Yeah, he was saying anything because you f**ked him. Why wouldn't he say nice things???
Author pandagirl Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 Yeah, he was saying anything because you f**ked him. Why wouldn't he say nice things??? he said those things while we were dating, not after sex. BUT, you guys are right. i have an issue of letting my mind run away with thing and over analyzing, which is what i was doing. so, after some sleep. my mind has stopped racing.
Gawdess Posted June 5, 2008 Posted June 5, 2008 he said those things while we were dating, not after sex. BUT, you guys are right. i have an issue of letting my mind run away with thing and over analyzing, which is what i was doing. so, after some sleep. my mind has stopped racing. Just based on that (he's laid back, you're wound up and uptight), you are not compatible romantically anyway.
freedom8 Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 This may be a little late but I'm in your position and am dealing with a bit of the disappointment. What you have confirmed is really what I am hoping as a strong mindset to see the common sense in this situation. Struggling a bit to stop reading the signs and to hope knowing that reality is the fact that it would never work. You clicked so well as friends and still do but knowing that the romantic side of things will crash and burn eventually with too many complications and the timing was so off. A choice they could make that would enable you to hope for an instance that maybe this girl/guy will fight for your love or whatever they call it. To give it a chance cause you were willing to. People do have their own reasons and issues to deal with but we can't change them and alter their decisions not knowing them too well. Too well meaning a month or less romantically which is in both our cases. I joked who has been through a break up before a relationship could form. I have. You basically just have to let them go, in your inners and trust that something will come along sooner. I really have no choice but to be friends as we work together. Hopefully I can maintain this without over analyzing or being immature about it all. Trying to set a mature mind and understanding the situation is a test. Give us an update on how you feel now, no doubt better I believe.
Author pandagirl Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 Yup. There is an update. A good one, too! As you said freedom08, I know in my mind and heart that romantically, we wouldn't have worked out. We're just too different. But, me and the guy can't deny that we have amazing chemistry on some level -- we just "get" each other. After the email I mentioned that he sent me, I didn't respond, but then I realized I had no hard feelings towards him and I was just playing a stupid game. So, I called him Sunday night and left him a message. Last night, he called me back and we had a fun and great conversation, like we always do. He told me: "I'm really glad you called," and we're going to try to hang out next week. I will always adore this guy and always be physically attracted to him (damn his cuteness), but I have closed the door on ever BEING with him. It just doesn't work. But I feel so lucky that I was even able to meet someone who I get along with so well and that we both feel the same way about each other. I have a feeling we're going to be like Jerry and Elaine from Seinfeld. haha.
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