Lucky555 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I want to avoid these men completely! Should a person be "dating/seeing" someone if they have not moved on emotionally...because in my mind its just not fair to the other person. I have read numerous posts on here before about men saying " they don't want to end up in the same place they were in their last relationship" What is a woman to do? THere is not time telling when they might come around and live should be lived with someone who CAN love them. So my point of this is has there been anyone on here who has had a successful relationship with a man after he has said " don't want to end up in the same place as my last relationship" and this is why they can't commit to the woman. This successful relationship i speak of is did the guy ever become ready to have a relationship with you, did you leave, did you wait a certain amount of time, and how long did the relationship last? Its just for research here to gain insight. I am curious. For the guys, who have said this what is the reasoning behind it? why keep the woman around?
Krytie TV Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Never ever forget that it's not always about the "other" person, as you say. People sometimes misattribute a person's willingness to commit to not being ready to move on. Dating always, always, always involves two people and the interpersonal dynamics that exist therein. It can just as often be that the person in question isn't ready to move on with you. We all know people will usually say what's easiest for the other person to hear (e.g., I'm not ready to move on, it's not you it's me), when in fact they may just not want to commit to you. Sometimes, yes, it is hard to commit to a new longterm R after leaving one. But oh so often, it's as much about the person they're dating as it is about them internally.
Crestfallen_KH Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 No, I did not have a successful relationship with this kind of guy; however, there were several other issues that contributed to the relationship's demise. Him not being over his ex was ok with me since I still wasn't over mine. If the situation had been different, him still being hung up on her might have mattered more, but if a guy tells you anything about his availability to be in a relationship, absolutely, 100% believe him.
SpikeyChick Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 ... a successful relationship with a man after he has said " don't want to end up in the same place as my last relationship" and this is why they can't commit to the woman. Most people have had a failed relationshiop or two,and just because a man has been bruised by those experiences does NOT mean that he is not a good candidate for you.. The issue here is whether he is stiil so defended against more hurt that he CAN'T love YOU. THis is NOT the same as being unwilling to commit. There may be other reasons for that and I know some great men who are very reluctant to commit purely because they have high standards.. So ask yourself if he is showing continuing signs of being unloving, not whether he is talking long term commitment. The "commitment phobic man" is largely a myth. Men are no more resistant to signing up than women are - however men fear committing to what may turn out to be a bad relationship which has no EXIT signs, and not to entering a relationship itself. Men also take longer to get to WANTING to commit. There is nothing that women can do about that except wait. Blaming his "baggage" for his reluctance to commit is largely a feminine contrivance to shift focus away from the real reasons for his stubborness which is usually rooted in some underlying problem in the relationship itself. THis problem needs to be brought out in the sunlight and resolved before he is willing to move towards a state of permanence. OR perhaps you are NOT his ideal woman .
Author Lucky555 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 from my experience taking the transition from being in a relationship to the break up...I have to have time to MOVE on because I personally don't believe it would be fair to be still consumed with the person of the past while seeing a new guy. I think their could be an emotional attachment of caring ect for that person but I dont think i would put myself in a situation where the result is "i'm still not over the past one and don't want to end up in that same situation" This is cruel in dating. which i think maybe its just better to establish what the other person is looking for in the very beginning and then proceed with dating if they think they have something. Any one else?
SpikeyChick Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 No, I did not have a successful relationship with this kind of guy; however, there were several other issues that contributed to the relationship's demise. Him not being over his ex was ok with me since I still wasn't over mine. If the situation had been different, him still being hung up on her might have mattered more, but if a guy tells you anything about his availability to be in a relationship, absolutely, 100% believe him. The voice of reason speaks here occasionally..
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