ljg Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Sorry, this is going to be a long post. I am just baffled by a rejection I got a few months ago, still wondering where I went wrong or whether the girl in question is just bonkers. So bear with me as I give you the whole story from day one, well if people are interested that is. Part 1: Pseudo-dating 1) This girl is new at work, from Germany, we meet at a gathering, she's the one who actually came up to me to chat. 2) I see her again and we exchange pleasanr chitchat. A week later, I invite her to a social gathering. She turns up, she's very nice, compliments are exchanged. 3) a couple more weeks pass, she tells me we should do something together. Eventually, she asks me if I want to go out for dinner one day. I say yes, we go to a decent restaurant, nothing fancy (she didn;t want to anyway), then we go for a stroll by the lake, after I told her it was a "very romantic place". Everything is fine, although we don't kiss, since I'm quite shy and I don;t even know at that stage if it's really a date (the word was not mentioned) and it's not like she's leaning onto me or anything blatant. But she accpets my compliemnts, "Beautfiul eyes", gives me a big cuddle and say we should do soething else again. A few days later, there is a social gathering, lots of people at the restaurant, throughout the dinner, I caress her back with my hand, she says nothing. But again, no kissing. A few days later, after most people from work now actually believe we are going out together (I say "no" when asked once, "we are only dating"), she calls me up and tells me to come and see her to clear a "big misunderstanding". "I have a rule of not going out with people form work" (we "work" in the same institute but it's pretty big at we are at opposite ends of the building. In a normal working day, we don't see each other). I tell her I'm prety disappointed but I epsect her rule. A few days later, she send me this mail entitled "R U Ok?" "Hi XXX, I really enjoy your company and I would hate to loose your friendship, please do not pout and lets do something together once you feel comfortable with that again. I do not want to get on your nerves so if you prefer that I leave you alone and ask someone else for a sponsoring of my XXX application please let me know. Everything is fine with me and you have every right on earth to ask for those two things. But of course I would very much prefer to have you as a friend. Thank you for the lesson that actually people here are a little German, too I very much hope you are ok and we can keep in touch (figuratively)." That "people are a little bit German here too" is a reference to her telling me during the "big misunderstanding day" that "all her male friends in Germany caress her back, it's normal. A lot of people think they are gay, it's quite funny" (notice the inconsistency in this statement, since if it was "normal", people would not think they were "gay"!!!) End of Part I Opinions welcome. What is she thinking at this stage? Do women have "rules" that are not meant to be broken?
timmay Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 umm the rule she has for not dating people at work is a very good rule. That is not just a girl rule. For anyone who doesnt know dating someone at work is a very bad idea because for the most part it wont work out and if you guys get serious it can cause a lot of problems at work and can get you fired. Most people dont see this untill its too late. So i would say ya just be friends with her. She was right in saying that you 2 shouldnt date. besta luck
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