shadowsfall Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 It's been 3 months since the ex and I officially split. I left her because I couldn't handle an almost too-close relationship with a male friend (who's also her boss). They used to text all hours of the night, went out to the movies and she would lie to me about this activity all the time. It drove me to insanity not being able to trust her anywhere she went, so I eventually broke it off. However we have continued contact for the entire 3 month aftermath. She was apologetic and wanted to reconcile a couple weeks after the split but I was already moving on at that point (dating again) and blew her off. I soon found out that dating too soon was a big mistake as I found myself comparing every shortcoming of the new girls to my ex. It made me appreciate her for the good qualities she did have. Eventually I wanted her back as a result of this. When I approached her after about a month and half, and told her I wanted her back she was cold. She was very reluctant to let me back in to her life and ended up never officially giving me a chance. So we continued on with this sporadic communication game. It's been 3 months now and I still want her back. WE don't talk everyday and it's still hard wondering what she's up to. I've been trying NC as much as possible, and she is usually always the one to call me. However we probably only talk once a week if that. I dream about her every night still and have stupidly been checking up on her email to see what she is up to. I saw an email she sent to one of her ex's (long before me) making small talk, and asking him if he wanted to get together and "Catch up" sometime. Why do I torture myself? A couple weeks ago she called me as I was going on a Tahoe trip and said that she misses me a lot. I told her I would call her a week later when I got back in town. So we hung out when I got back and just watched a movie at her house. We were close, kissing, hugging and I spent the night. After I left she told me she would call me and still hasn't after a week. IS she playing games? Does she want to work this out? Am I holding on to a false hope? I keep reminding myself that if she wanted to call she would, and she knows where to find me. I also can't stop thinking that she's ****ing someone else, I mean it's been 3 months now? Any advice out there? This process with her is like a drug... She gives me a little contact and I'm ok for a while, then as time goes on I start having withdrawls and find myself unable to cope. Please help.
timmay Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 well i cant tell you if she is playing games but it sounds as if you both still care for one another. If she says that she miss's you and you can watch a movie with her, why not try to work things out? She may have said that she will call you and didnt right? well thats kinda a power game. If you call then she thinks she has the upper hand if you dont then you have the upper hand. But if you dont call then you also run the risk of her thinking well he just doesnt care. So its a tough call. I would wait for her to call if you can. I know its hard i try every day not to pick up the phone and call my ex. I just recently took my ex off my myspace and facebook. Im sure it kinda upset her but who knows. Eventually things will be ok but i know its hard. its been almost 4 months since me and my ex have broken up and i miss her ever day. She says she still thinks about me and loves me but doesnt want to be with me. I dont understand that at all but she has to figure out **** on her own. I wish you the best sir and just try to keep busy is my best advice. Go dating have fun, it doesnt have to be anything serious. ciao
Author shadowsfall Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 Yea I was also thinking well if we can hang out like we used to and you say you miss me so much, why can't we give it another shot? Like your ex gf she basically said the same thing to me, "I love you and I miss you but I'm doing ok where I am at right now." She's really scared that things are going to be the same as they used to be (fighting, arguing etc...). I totally understand that but it's almost like she's never going to fully open up and give me a chance ever again because she's scared. Am I just chasing after something that's never going to happen? I mean honestly she goes to college right across from my house 4 days a week and she used to stop by all the time. Now she never comes by and rarely ever calls. Like you said I don't want to call her because It really is a power thing. The moment I start pursuing her and showing her I still love her I know she'll just get off on that, and she'll keep doing the same thing she's doing now. Then again If I don't call her she might think I lost interest. I really do want to wait for her to come around, but I feel like it's a lost hope at this point. Also, I feel like crap about this whole ex bf situation. I mean he emailed her something by mistake and she replies all open arms and now is asking him to hang out and "catch up" on things one day. He gave her his new phone number also. I don't get it??? I know my ex's have sometimes done this to me, but they've also been very flirtatious during these encounters. Do you think she's trying to get back with him after 5 years? Also in her email she made it a point of telling him she would be home by herself for 2 weeks while her family goes to Hawaii without her. I wasn't even aware of this trip, now I'm worried about all the things she's going to be doing at the house with no one around! This is a really stressful situation...
motive2002 Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 I saw an email she sent to one of her ex's Why are you reading her e-mail? Anyway, it seems like your in a position to offer her easy, worry-free familiar sex and she's taking advantage of it. (I assume "spend the night" involves other niceties you hadn't mentioned) Let's look at some basics that you posted. Your ex spent a lot of time with another man, and lied to you about it. That's flat out disrespectful. There's no calling it anything else. Walk away while you still have a shred of dignity. She's not worth even a passing thought. Enjoy being single and dating women that like and respect you. Stop comparing them to your ex. As far as you should be concerned, she never existed. See if the new women meet your standards, not how they stack up to the ex's qualities. (heh, "qualities".. she went around behind your back and lied about it. I'm sure just about anything is better than that )
borelandkaren Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 Why are you reading her e-mail? Anyway, it seems like your in a position to offer her easy, worry-free familiar sex and she's taking advantage of it. (I assume "spend the night" involves other niceties you hadn't mentioned) Let's look at some basics that you posted. Your ex spent a lot of time with another man, and lied to you about it. That's flat out disrespectful. There's no calling it anything else. Walk away while you still have a shred of dignity. She's not worth even a passing thought. Enjoy being single and dating women that like and respect you. Stop comparing them to your ex. As far as you should be concerned, she never existed. See if the new women meet your standards, not how they stack up to the ex's qualities. (heh, "qualities".. she went around behind your back and lied about it. I'm sure just about anything is better than that ) You really need to just lay it all on the table and move on. Motive is dead right when he says to stop comparing them to her. What is there to compare to? You don't necessarily have to start dating or anything like it (I know how hard that thought is) but you need to start healing from this, the sooner the better. Take care.
teejsd2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Also, I feel like crap about this whole ex bf situation. I mean he emailed her something by mistake and she replies all open arms and now is asking him How do you know this information? Are you going through her email?
Author shadowsfall Posted June 14, 2008 Author Posted June 14, 2008 Let's look at some basics that you posted. Your ex spent a lot of time with another man, and lied to you about it. That's flat out disrespectful. There's no calling it anything else. Walk away while you still have a shred of dignity. She's not worth even a passing thought. Enjoy being single and dating women that like and respect you. Stop comparing them to your ex. As far as you should be concerned, she never existed. See if the new women meet your standards, not how they stack up to the ex's qualities. (heh, "qualities".. she went around behind your back and lied about it. I'm sure just about anything is better than that ) You're totally right Motive, I constantly try and remind myself of how deceiving, mentally abusive, and destructive she was to my life. However, then I think about my mistakes in the relationship and realize that nobody is perfect and that the good times we did have exceeded just about every good time with any woman I‘ve ever known. We have so much in common it is ridiculous, and that is truly hard to find in a SO these days. I’m thinking back to how cool she was about me going out with my friends, drinking, playing games and just about anything I wanted to do she was cool with. That is another thing I feel bad about throwing away. Lately it's either I find someone who is extremely needy and clingy or I find someone emotionally unavailable in which case I act out the knight and shining armor scenario. My ex did call me last Saturday and asked why I don't call her anymore. I told her because I thought she wanted it this way. She says she still would like to talk and keep the communication open. I asked her if she thought about 'us' and she says she does but that she's OK where she's at right now. She asked me If I had a new girlfriend already and of course I said no and that I don’t want one for a while. Her attitude definitely changed after I said those words. I could tell she was upset and the conversation slowly ended after that. I think she's just trying to boost her self confidence/security by trying to keep me around. I'm also worrying a lot about her being home alone for a couple weeks and having the house to herself. I am getting over her as I have resisted the urge to call her for an entire week, but I can't shake the thought of her bringing guys over to her house while no one is there! It’s especially hard fighting to call her on the weekends!! Any advice? How do you know this information? Are you going through her email? Yea I did make the mistake of going through her email a couple weeks ago but It hasn't crossed my mind since. It really made me feel like complete **** when I see her trying to reconnect with an old bf. Maybe she's doing it because she feels bad how it ended between them because she did cheat on the guy. I don't know, I guess it's not my problem anymore.
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