Author Linux Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 I have a feeling she will call back Linux! If not, her loss! She already did call be back... I'm starting to think none of you read my update at all...
Lishy Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 I mean call back again Linux, I did read it hon I dont think this is the end of it yet! Lets see!
I am who I am Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 I mean call back again Linux, I did read it hon I dont think this is the end of it yet! Lets see! Of course not! I got her name and where she works but I didn't get her number or anythingSorry if I don't read your entire life story (err.. post updates)... but that is what you initially mentioned.. Update: So yeah, it worked, sorta So she called me earlier tonight (I was VERY suprised she called back at all) while I was out taking care of some stuff, and I wanted some free time to talk to her so I thanked her for getting back with me and asked her if I could call her back in about an hour. She said cool so I did. Well I call her about a hour later intending to chat for awhile so I tried to start some random conversation but it seemed she was out with friends or something (it was loud and I could barely hear her) so I asked her if I should call her back later. She said no its fine she'll step out real quick and put me on hold for about 30 seconds or so. So after she (I'm guessing) went outside she asked me what I want to ask her (kinda sounded like she wanted to get to the point of why I wanted her to call me), so instead of trying to start come conversation I fell back on my BS excuse, we talked for about 3 mins and asked her to get back with me later and that was that. I think I might of misread the whole thing and I'm not going to pursue this any further Oh well I won't get anywhere if I don't try, so I don't regret any of it Ahhh... your "update"... Why where you nervous to setup a date? Why fall back on your "BS excuse" for calling her? I'm sorry for coming off as an azzhat here, but really... do you need this thread to help you understand, learn? or just as a relief valve.
Sand&Water Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 RE: I didn't see your update, Linux. So, with this in mind, everything changes. I think I might of misread the whole thing and I'm not going to pursue this any further. Question: How did you come to this conclusion? I think you should definitely pursue her. The fact that she accepted your call back and put you on hold for 30 seconds to go talk to you outside, is a positive sign she's into you. Believe that when a woman goes out her way to talk to you, or keep you at arms' length means she is interested. Give it a couple more days, and call her back. She'll be delighted to hear from you. Sand&Water
Author Linux Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 I mean call back again Linux, I did read it hon I dont think this is the end of it yet! Lets see! Oh, sorry about that thanks. I really don't think she'll call again but who knows I didn't think she'd call the first time, anything can happen
Author Linux Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 Of course not! Sorry if I don't read your entire life story (err.. post updates)... but that is what you initially mentioned.. Ahhh... your "update"... Why where you nervous to setup a date? Why fall back on your "BS excuse" for calling her? I'm sorry for coming off as an azzhat here, but really... do you need this thread to help you understand, learn? or just as a relief valve. I just made the thread for opinion on if what i did was creepy but I was an still am open to any suggestions or insight anybody has... hell that is what this forum is for. And as I stated earlier the reason why I fell back to my BS excuse was besides I was getting vibes she wasn't really interested in me but did want to know why I wanted her to call me. Plus (it seemed) like she was busy at the time and I didn't want to be straight forward and ask for a coffee date right away. Could I have been more ballsy and just went all in and asked for a date? I admit yes. I played it safe and just went BS instead. Oh well, I went all in yesterday with the note (which worked ), give me credit for that
Author Linux Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 Question: How did you come to this conclusion? I think you should definitely pursue her. The fact that she accepted your call back and put you on hold for 30 seconds to go talk to you outside, is a positive sign she's into you. Believe that when a woman goes out her way to talk to you, or keep you at arms' length means she is interested. Give it a couple more days, and call her back. She'll be delighted to hear from you. Sand&Water Yeah she went out of her way to talk to me for a minute or so, but for some reason I just got vibes she wasn't interested and was hoping I wouldn't ask her out. I can't really explain it, it just felt like she was being nice and wanted to keep things professional if you know what I mean. I don't know, I could be completely wrong, who knows. If she calls me back, great. But otherwise I think I'm just going to leave this alone.
Lishy Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 I think you should listen to your instincts and do no more now. You will probably bump into her again as you live in the same block and when you do then be really friendly and see how you vibe then. Let me tell you that women will not call you unless they are interested, she was out with friends so it was probably not the best timing Lets see what pans out and keep us informed ok
Jilly Bean Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 I think the larger issue here is that I don't find it advisable to EVER date a neighbor. Ever hear the phrase, "dont poo where you eat"? Well, that applies to work AND home.
thisishowitis Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Sorry but thats the world we live in these days. If you come on too strong you seem like a creep. Trust me, guys wish they could make thier intentions know right up front, but saying things like "hey I think you are cute, do you want to go out for coffee and get to know each other?" will get you strange looks. Acting like you are not really interested in dating but slowly working yourself into doing something with her actually works fairly well. This post is bull****. There is NEVER anything wrong with telling a girl she is cute and that you would like to go out for coffee with her, as long as you ask her in a relaxed normal way. If you ask her in a withdrawn, nervous way, she will also be withdrawn and nervous. See? You're so afraid of creeping her out that you creep yourself out. You will never lose by letting anyone know your attentions. It's being silent and inside your own head that creeps other people out. People are drawn to confidence and happiness, not timidness, insecurity, and fear. Talk to her like you talk to your mom and pops, or any of your buddies. It's way easier than you think.
SpikeyChick Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Acting like you are not really interested in dating but slowly working yourself into doing something with her actually works fairly well. The "pussification of American Males" is all but complete. You wrote, " Acting like you are not interested in dating...works very well." Ok so you are telling me that success with a woman comes about by a man PRETENDING that he is not interested in dating that woman " ? OMG. the situation is worse that I thought . Are you serious? What planet did you grow up on. Did you ever have a father? At least one who did not wear a dress? * Spikey shakes head in disgust and disbelief *
SpikeyChick Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 This post is bull****. There is NEVER anything wrong with telling a girl she is cute and that you would like to go out for coffee with her, as long as you ask her in a relaxed normal way. If you ask her in a withdrawn, nervous way, she will also be withdrawn and nervous. See? You're so afraid of creeping her out that you creep yourself out. You will never lose by letting anyone know your attentions. It's being silent and inside your own head that creeps other people out. People are drawn to confidence and happiness, not timidness, insecurity, and fear. Talk to her like you talk to your mom and pops, or any of your buddies. It's way easier than you think. Hey Linux, read this post again - it is on the money. However I am going to re-write it somewhat ,using a few different words, in case you do not get what "thisis howitis" is telling you. Firstly he is advising you to be direct in asking a girl out and give her an occasional compliment about her looks if you think that she is "cute". I agree. He is also saying that the WAY that you ask her and your manner of speaking is important- be direct and bold and set the TONE of the first interaction with her. IF you act timid she will follow your example.. I agree. Then he advised you to talk "naturally" as if to a family member or a close friend- no pretense or nervousness. Just say what you want in any way that comes to you. I agree.
Author Linux Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 I think the larger issue here is that I don't find it advisable to EVER date a neighbor. Ever hear the phrase, "dont poo where you eat"? Well, that applies to work AND home. I disagree, at least for the home part anyway. Just personal preference
Jilly Bean Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 I disagree, at least for the home part anyway. Just personal preference Yes, but you also left a post-it note on a woman's door for her to call you. I'm not sure you understand the repercussions from much of what you do...
Author Linux Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 Hey Linux, read this post again - it is on the money. However I am going to re-write it somewhat ,using a few different words, in case you do not get what "thisis howitis" is telling you. Firstly he is advising you to be direct in asking a girl out and give her an occasional compliment about her looks if you think that she is "cute". I agree. He is also saying that the WAY that you ask her and your manner of speaking is important- be direct and bold and set the TONE of the first interaction with her. IF you act timid she will follow your example.. I agree. Then he advised you to talk "naturally" as if to a family member or a close friend- no pretense or nervousness. Just say what you want in any way that comes to you. I agree. Don't take this the wrong way and I respect your guys opinion, but you guys are really under the wrong impression on how things work around here. It's fine to say things on how it should work or how it works where you live, but you have to remember I'm the one who actually gets off the computer and interacts with people in the real world where I live. And I assure you, you don't go knocking on your neighbors door to introduce yourself. I really wish I could somehow videotape me knocking on a neighbors to introduce myself so you guys could see the "What the ****?" look on their face from me being friendly. I guess you'd guys be in culture shock. Also, I assure you I'm not some weird/awkward person who gets nervous talking to girls or what not (I have had quite a few girlfriends in the past), so the issue of me not being straightforward with girls has nothing to do with me being awkward with my tone or whatever you guys were talking about. I'm just telling you that those things just plain don't work around here. Yes some girls will respond favorably to it but the vast majority will be creeped out no matter how smooth you are. It's statistics and I have to go with what works most of the time. Unless you get introduced to someone with the intention of dating (such as a blind date or something), you really have to BS your way into dating by just "hanging out" until it kinda just turns into dating naturally.
Author Linux Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 Yes, but you also left a post-it note on a woman's door for her to call you. I'm not sure you understand the repercussions from much of what you do... Sure I do, I knew the risks of doing it and decided it was worth it. It seems like I made the right decision since it payed off.
jon01 Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 I'll tell you one thing with women -- if she was attracted to you she would probably have liked the note and effort. If she wasn't into you, she will think you are a nerd and weirdo. You messed it up during your conversation when she called you though. You should have just got to the point like the other guy said and told her you enjoyed the other day's chat and wanted to go for coffee. what's with the BS "I'll call you back in an hour" ? That was REALLY lame, along with this back and forth nonsense.
D-Lish Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Ok there is a few things you don't understand about the US, and California in particular. Unless you're from a small town things don't work like that around here. California isn't a happy-go-lucky friendly place. You don't go randomly knocking on your neighbors doors unless you know them, otherwise you are likely to get the security called on you (no, I don't live in a ghetto neighborhood, quite upscale in fact). I have been here nearly a year and --not one-- neighbor has knocked on my door and introduced themselves to me. Yes we do random hellos on the elevator and hallway, but nothing beyond that until yesterday. Yesterday was the first time any neighbor has shown ANY interest in getting to know me (thus why I thought she was interested in me). Who knows, maybe she just moved here from Canada and don't know how things work around here That's too bad- I have the whole Melrose Place Lofts thing going on where I live. Upscale trendy lofts filled with mostly 25-40 year olds. No one would think twice about knocking, and most hang out on the roof top patio for beers and bbq's... And I certainly don't come from a small town. I don't think it's a Canada thing though.
jon01 Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 That's too bad- I have the whole Melrose Place Lofts thing going on where I live. Upscale trendy lofts filled with mostly 25-40 year olds. No one would think twice about knocking, and most hang out on the roof top patio for beers and bbq's... And I certainly don't come from a small town. I don't think it's a Canada thing though. Do you have neighbor friends like Kramer who just waltz into your place and grab stuff out of your refrigerator?
Author Linux Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 I'll tell you one thing with women -- if she was attracted to you she would probably have liked the note and effort. If she wasn't into you, she will think you are a nerd and weirdo. You messed it up during your conversation when she called you though. You should have just got to the point like the other guy said and told her you enjoyed the other day's chat and wanted to go for coffee. what's with the BS "I'll call you back in an hour" ? That was REALLY lame, along with this back and forth nonsense. The "I'll call you back in an hour" thing was because I wanted to have a legitimate conversation (I was intending to ask her out after talking for about 10-15 mins) but at the time I didn't have the time to talk. Yes I had the time to get to the point and ask her out right away but I felt I had a better chance of success if I got to talk to her for a little bit and made her feel uncomfortable. Yes I admit that could of been an error on my part, if it was then I made the wrong decision and lost. Oh well I won't lose sleep over it.
Author Linux Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 That's too bad- I have the whole Melrose Place Lofts thing going on where I live. Upscale trendy lofts filled with mostly 25-40 year olds. No one would think twice about knocking, and most hang out on the roof top patio for beers and bbq's... And I certainly don't come from a small town. I don't think it's a Canada thing though. That sounds like a great place. Around here, you can't even look at someone the wrong way without people getting upset.
Author Linux Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 Do you have neighbor friends like Kramer who just waltz into your place and grab stuff out of your refrigerator? :laugh: Seinfeld is a fantasy world, no one really has any neighbors like that in real life (I would hope )
D-Lish Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 From a woman's perspective- I would have found the whole thing confusing... the note, the excuse, etc. I DO like straight forward "would you like to go for a coffee".... I don't like guessing games. Given that situation, I would have assumed you called me to ask your "back up question" and assume you weren't interested beyond that. You seem hung up on being so careful NOT to show interest... how does that get someone a date?? It doesn't.
Author Linux Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 From a woman's perspective- I would have found the whole thing confusing... the note, the excuse, etc. I DO like straight forward "would you like to go for a coffee".... I don't like guessing games. Given that situation, I would have assumed you called me to ask your "back up question" and assume you weren't interested beyond that. You seem hung up on being so careful NOT to show interest... how does that get someone a date?? It doesn't. Not quite... as I stated in my update earlier I *did* leave it open for her to call me back when she had some free time, including me seeing her again. I don't go into details but my BS excuse evolved me seeing her again and entering her apartment, which she was fine with.
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