girlie908 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Hi. I've been a member of loveshack for more than 2 years, and occasionally read over a few blogs when I need some advice. But yeah, I just want someone to knock some sense into me or give me some good advice in what to do. So basically me and my ex-boyfriend broke up a year ago, on my birthday. We had a really great relationship, with lots of love and passion, but that also comes along with pretty crazy and dramatic fights. So after we broke up, we kept in contact, and whenever we met up with each other, we'd miss each other and hook up again. We did that for 3 months. Then, since we go to the same University, we see and hang out with each other all the time since we have the same friends. I'd still sleep over his place, and occasionally we'd hook up, but other than that, we'd just hang out. I however, felt like I haven't let go, and couldn't because of all the time we spent together. Two months ago, even though I still slept at his place every night, I found out he developed a crush on someone, and told a lot of our mutual friends about it. He tried going out with her, but it didn't work out. When I found out I was crushed, and tried staying away from him, but as soon as I saw him again, we immediately reconnected and hooked up again. Scared for making myself vulnerable, I told him my feelings of liking him again, he told me he didn't really have feelings for me, and we got into a big fight. We have since reconciled, and hooked up again, then had another talk about how I don't want to hook up anymore because of my feelings, and now we are friends again. I however, am still hurting about this girl he wanted to be with so desperately because I'm still not over him. I would choose not to hang out w/ him so much, but we are subletting the same apartment for the entire summer, then will see each other next year anyway for school. What should I do? I know I should get over him but I care about him a lot. And I know he said he doesn't really have feelings for me, but part of me thinks he is scared since he knows we fight and have a history, because he is always touching me or playing with my hair or ears. Plus last night he asked me to go explore the town with him, and now he wants us to go read a book together to discuss later at the library, wants to train for a marathon together, and told me we should save up money to go to a really expensive restaurant this month. I know we are best friends, but I don't know if he would do this with anyone else. Maybe I should just get over him, but I care about him so much and hanging out with him more and more makes me like him more, but our relationship is so complicated and cloudy, I don't know what to do. Any advice from anyone would be greatly appreciated as I feel I have been lost for too long.
Author girlie908 Posted June 5, 2008 Author Posted June 5, 2008 yes he does have lots of friends who are girls. although he usually is really independent and tries to stick to himself, he does have a bunch of friends who are girls. but where we both are now, i am his best friend, and i'm not really sure if he has other close friends here too.
Author girlie908 Posted June 6, 2008 Author Posted June 6, 2008 hey so does anyone else have any opinions? we hang out so much, and i feel like i'm fallin for him again. help!
kizik Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 This is a really unhealthy situation. You need to break the apartment agreement, and you need to actively avoid running into him. Listen, people, you have two choices! 1) Be together, and be miserable forever 2) Be broken up, and be miserable for a while
me1234 Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Two months ago, even though I still slept at his place every night, you're broken up but you've been staying at his place every night? how do you expect to get over someone if you do this? he's made it clear from his words that his feelings for you are as friends only. he wants no commitment so he won't feel tied down, but he still wants to hook up occasionally and have you there to keep him company. eg, wants his cake and wants to eat it too. and you're ok with letting him do this? sounds like he's keeping you around until something else comes along. do you really want to waste your time being his temporary doormat? if you continue on as you are doing, imagine how much more smashed you'll feel when he finds someone new and leaves you behind. to prevent yourself from being hurt any more than you already are, you may want to change what you refer to as a "friendship" into a more normal friendship, without sleep overs and hook ups. also, not to give you false hope, but there's also the chance that if you take the easy access to yourself away from him, maybe he'll realize he misses you and will want you back. how can he realize what he's missing if you haven't gone anywhere?
Author girlie908 Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 hey everyone thanks for all the responses. i feel like this is good advice and i should take it. in a way i kind of know wat i have to do. but the thing is, he's been my best friend the last two years. i feel like no matter wat, we will always be good friends. but maybe right now we can't be, because i still have feelings for him. also part of me thinks that we both just need space from each other because we are never really apart. so we got in a fight this weekend,and we aren't talking. i know i shouldn't contact him, but its kinda hard since we live in the same house. i kno that he is stubborn and will not contact me first, and i'm trying hard not to. but my birthday is next week and i already miss him (how sad). i kno i should try to move on but his friendship means so much to me, and we live together and the situation is hard in general. wat should i do?
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