JackJack Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 This is a spin off from the thread about cheating and the positive sides. It got me thinking of something as I read those replies. Let's say someone is in a sexless marriage, and as an example a4a used, lets say all other areas of the marriage are good. Do you think that the person who wants sex the most and not getting it, could remain in that marriage for the rest of their lives and not cheat and seek sex elsewhere? I was talking about this very thing with a buddy of mine earlier and I was telling him of these threads. He said in his opinon, he felt that a person who wanted sex the most and for whtaver reason wasn't getting it, WOULD seek it elsewhere and would NOT go the rest of their life without any sex, period. What do you think? Do you think its possible?
Mustang Sally Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Jack Jack, I think it's possible. Do I think it's probable? Not so much. Would it be mighty hard? Yes. I believe it would be tremendously difficult. And not just from the pure physical standpoint, but from the emotional standpoint, moreso.
Author JackJack Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 Jack Jack, I think it's possible. Do I think it's probable? Not so much. Would it be mighty hard? Yes. I believe it would be tremendously difficult. And not just from the pure physical standpoint, but from the emotional standpoint, moreso. Yeah I agree. Maybe some people condition themselves to not really want it anymore, after a period of time.
a4a Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Yeah I agree. Maybe some people condition themselves to not really want it anymore, after a period of time. They force themselves.... oh they still want it... yep they do. I wouldn't last 6 weeks.... I would have to flog myself daily. perhaps take a medication which causes low libido?? That would be an option I suppose.
tanbark813 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Let's say someone is in a sexless marriage, and as an example a4a used, lets say all other areas of the marriage are good. Do you think that the person who wants sex the most and not getting it, could remain in that marriage for the rest of their lives and not cheat and seek sex elsewhere? Nope. You can't refuse to serve people food at a restaurant and expect them to not eat somewhere else.
Author JackJack Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 Nope. You can't refuse to serve people food at a restaurant and expect them to not eat somewhere else. That's a good example.
a4a Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Nope. You can't refuse to serve people food at a restaurant and expect them to not eat somewhere else. good golly, TB sometimes I just cannot stand you..... and then you say things like this and I just wanna do ya! I wanna be your biotch for an hour or two.
Art_Critic Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Nope. You can't refuse to serve people food at a restaurant and expect them to not eat somewhere else. End of discussion.. period...great way to sum it up Tan.. Now the question would be which restaurant would they go to ?.. A competitor or someone they already own ?
hotgurl Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 for me it would be simply impossible to stay in a sexless relationship And I think most people would be hard pressed to stay in a faithful sexless relationship
Trialbyfire Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 If anyone is in a sexless marriage, it's time to take a good look at what's causing the disconnect. It's selfish to withhold sex and selfish to demand it be given, without sourcing the disconnect. It's also selfish to go outside of your marriage to get it, if the two of you aren't in agreement that your original vows of fidelity are null and void. Communicate with each other and see if the original disconnect can't be reconciled. If all else fails, walk.
blair08 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Nope. You can't refuse to serve people food at a restaurant and expect them to not eat somewhere else. Oh that is a great way to put it! So, how long would you wait before going to seek food elsewhere?
a4a Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 If anyone is in a sexless marriage, it's time to take a good look at what's causing the disconnect. It's selfish to withhold sex and selfish to demand it be given, without sourcing the disconnect. It's also selfish to go outside of your marriage to get it, if the two of you aren't in agreement that your original vows of fidelity are null and void. Communicate with each other and see if the original disconnect can't be reconciled. If all else fails, walk. Could you stay in a sexless M?
Author JackJack Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 If anyone is in a sexless marriage, it's time to take a good look at what's causing the disconnect. It's selfish to withhold sex and selfish to demand it be given, without sourcing the disconnect. It's also selfish to go outside of your marriage to get it, if the two of you aren't in agreement that your original vows of fidelity are null and void. Communicate with each other and see if the original disconnect can't be reconciled. If all else fails, walk. Even if everything else in the relationship was good? Read the post about positive sides of cheating, theres a big discussion on this very thing about if someone was in a sexless marriage but everything else was good. That's what sparked me to post this thread.
tanbark813 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 good golly, TB sometimes I just cannot stand you..... and then you say things like this and I just wanna do ya! I wanna be your biotch for an hour or two. I have many layers. Like an onion. End of discussion.. period...great way to sum it up Tan.. Thank you, sir. Now the question would be which restaurant would they go to ?.. A competitor or someone they already own ? You go to whichever restaurant has the spiciest cuisine, of course. Oh that is a great way to put it! So, how long would you wait before going to seek food elsewhere? I suppose at the point I felt the effects of sexual starvation. A man's gotta eat.
Trialbyfire Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Could you stay in a sexless M? No. If the disconnect couldn't be fixed through discussion and active participation by both parties, I would walk.
tinktronik Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Jack Jack, I think it's possible. Do I think it's probable? Not so much. Would it be mighty hard? Yes. I believe it would be tremendously difficult. And not just from the pure physical standpoint, but from the emotional standpoint, moreso. There's your answer. Possible but not probable. Could you even imagine knowing you would never have an opportunity again to have sex, when your partner just eh' no thanks.
Trialbyfire Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Even if everything else in the relationship was good? Read the post about positive sides of cheating, theres a big discussion on this very thing about if someone was in a sexless marriage but everything else was good. That's what sparked me to post this thread. I need that emotional and physical connection with my partner. I won't stay in an irreconcilable sexless marriage.
tinktronik Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Could you stay in a sexless M? No I don't think I could.Unles I could get the nookie elsewhere or my partner was disabled in some way that made them unable to preform.
Mustang Sally Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Even if everything else in the relationship was good? Read the post about positive sides of cheating, theres a big discussion on this very thing about if someone was in a sexless marriage but everything else was good. That's what sparked me to post this thread. Forgive me for speaking for TBF (as she is obviously perfectly capable of speaking for herself) and others, but my guess is that many folks do not find it possible that "everything else" could truly be GOOD in a sexless relationship. I, on the other hand, can see this as a possibility for some (rare?) relationships.
Mustang Sally Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I have many layers. Like an onion. Love you, TB. But I prefer parfait....
tanbark813 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Love you, TB. But I prefer parfait.... Right back atcha, darlin'.
Author JackJack Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 Forgive me for speaking for TBF (as she is obviously perfectly capable of speaking for herself) and others, but my guess is that many folks do not find it possible that "everything else" could truly be GOOD in a sexless relationship. I, on the other hand, can see this as a possibility for some (rare?) relationships. BAM! this is exactly how I feel and what I said in the other thread. I don't think everything else in a marriage is ok except for lack of sex. To me, something else in the relationship had to occur at some point in order for the sex to be lacking, something caused it. Which means other areas of the relationship are not really all that ok.
Trialbyfire Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Forgive me for speaking for TBF (as she is obviously perfectly capable of speaking for herself) and others, but my guess is that many folks do not find it possible that "everything else" could truly be GOOD in a sexless relationship. I, on the other hand, can see this as a possibility for some (rare?) relationships. If everything else is truly GOOD in a sexless relationship, it's a friendship not a marriage, IMO. I can't and won't stay in a friendship, in place of a romantic relationship.
Mustang Sally Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I don't think everything else in a marriage is ok except for lack of sex. To me, something else in the relationship had to occur at some point in order for the sex to be lacking, something caused it. Which means other areas of the relationship are not really all that ok.I see your point. But, I think TBF hits it home, below (thanks TBF ) If everything else is truly GOOD in a sexless relationship, it's a friendship not a marriage, IMO. My final thought on this is that I know it to be true that sometimes, usually after a rather long time, relationships (and the people in them) can change in ways that neither of the participants likely ever would have anticipated in the beginning (or earlier phases) of said relationship. And I think frequently, people who find themselves in this situation kind of feel surprised and "sneaked up on," if you will, by this realization when it hits them. They are certainly likely guilty of complacency, that led them to this point. And I'm not convinced, as of this moment, that that makes the relationship bad, or intolerable, for all people, unequivocally. Is it optimal? No. But when one finds oneself in such a place, and one reflects upon the sizable investment in the relationship one is in, it is understandable to me that one might find ways to try to be satisfied with what one has. It is difficult, to be sure. It is a dangerous place to be...somewhere stuck between potential martyrdom and potential infidelity. But that is what being a grown up, in a grown up relationship is sometimes about. Taking what you get, and making the best (and your own, personal peace) with it. At least, that is what I think for today.
a4a Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 If everything else is truly GOOD in a sexless relationship, it's a friendship not a marriage, IMO. I can't and won't stay in a friendship, in place of a romantic relationship. You can still have wonderful romance and deep deep caring and love without sex. why aren't people supposed to have premarital sex? Again remind me... I wonder if there is a correlation between those that are very anti cheating (no excuse for it) and if they put such a big importance on sex itself in their own R's. I could see being in a R with a wonderful person who could not have sex for physical reasons and still loving them just as much with or without it. Of course I would cheat on them to have sex in my life! :lmao: I could also have sex with someone just for the pure desire without emotional baggage.
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