thewomantoblame Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 My FWB and I talked recently and neither of us wanted a relationship right now. We were bot fine with the arrangement that we had. In fact, I've been out on dates with another guy since then. I just found out I'm pregnant (I haven't been sleeping with the other guy, so it's absolutely the FWB's). He already has a daughter that lives with him 90% of the time. I'm more nervous about telling him than I am about the baby. Any suggestions? Should I wait a while? Not tell him? I don't want anything or need anything from him, but I know he's crazy about his daughter and I'd like to give him the opportunity to be a dad to our child, too.
tinktronik Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Tell him right away. Just call say you need to talk and spill it.
blind_otter Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 This is just my opinion, but I would wait until after the first trimester to make sure the pregnancy is viable. After that, tell him.
Author thewomantoblame Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 Any creative suggestions? I don't want him to pass out. I've known him for 12 years and I'm honestly picturing something like the Friends episode when Rachel told Ross and he didn't move for about 30 minutes. That's best case scenario. I'm scared he's going to be angry with me.
Lishy Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Hey he was 50% to blame for this! Just say it - Get him around to yours and say "I know we agreed to stay casual and nothing will change but I have to tell you something, I did a positive pregnancy test and it is yours" Then see what he says He may get angry or he may not, why should you go through this by yourself? You did not concieve by yourself did you? Good luck whatever you decide hon
Author thewomantoblame Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 No. He was definitely there for conception. By very nature of us staying casual means that I'll still be going through this alone. He already has a daughter. I really don't expect anything from him for me. I guess I just want to know. I hope he's as good to our baby as he is to his daughter.
Lishy Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Dont expect anything from him and just see what he says babe I am sure by what you have written that you will be keeping it either way so what do you have to lose?
Enema Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 What was the contraceptive situation? Condoms and they failed? Pills and you missed a few?
Lishy Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 What was the contraceptive situation? Condoms and they failed? Pills and you missed a few? That is irrelevant babe, the situation is here and it is real so worrying about contraceptive now is like shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted!
Enema Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I disagree. She is worried about how he'll react and asking specifically about the best way to tell him. I think the method of contraception they were (or weren't) using and how it failed is very relevant to how she might tell him.
Lishy Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 so you think her saying that she forgot to take the pill or the condom broke or the cap failed will help? He did not want a relationship so he probably does not want another child but we do not know him so maybe he will like the idea - However she tells him he will either be happy or not!
Enema Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Yes, it could help her decide how to tell him. Some possible scenarios: 1) He is comfortable with just pulling out 2) She says not to worry, she'll take care of contraception 3) They never discussed it All three of these could produce very different reactions from him and I think the info is important. If anything is irrelevant here, it's whether you agree with me or not.
Lishy Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Yes, it could help her decide how to tell him. Some possible scenarios: 1) He is comfortable with just pulling out 2) She says not to worry, she'll take care of contraception 3) They never discussed it All three of these could produce very different reactions from him and I think the info is important. If anything is irrelevant here, it's whether you agree with me or not. So if she says that she is pregnant because he didnt pull out in time do you think that will help? I dont disagree with you I just do not understand how that will help!
tinktronik Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Today is arguing for arguments sake on LS. Just sit him down and tell him, you will feel better for getting it off your chest and you won't have to worry about how he will respond anymore.
Enema Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Again, it could help (her decide how to tell him). If she's pregnant because he suggested the pull out method, then she can be more relaxed and just tell him straight out, unapologetically because they both are equally responsible and made a poor choice. If there was an understanding that she would take care of contraception and she forgot to take her pills, then his reaction will be different and she should approach him in a different way.
Lishy Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Ok I see what you mean but to be honest I do not think what she says will make a difference to his reaction whatever it may be! I wish her luck!
andraile Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Seems to me like if nothing else, you've known this guy for 12 years - even if he doesn't want another kid, totally aside from your sexual relationship, he'll want to be there for you as a friend. Plus, it's his child, too, and expected or not, he deserves to know about it. I think it would be unfair to you both not to tell him. I also think you should tell him right away - if you don't make it through the first trimester of pregnancy, you'll need his shoulder to lean on, and unless he freaks out and wants nothing to do with the child (an unlikely scenario I think, considering what a great dad you say he is to his daughter and how long you two have known each other), he'll want to be involved with your child from the start (ultra sounds, etc). Just sit down with him in private, be up front and honest, and take it from there.
Author thewomantoblame Posted June 6, 2008 Author Posted June 6, 2008 Ok. I still haven't told him. As far as the birth control situation goes, we've never discussed it. And yes, I know that was negligent on both our parts. I had to go off the pill last month so my doctor can test for polycystic ovarian syndrome. I've had enough problems my doctor has talked to me about the possibility that I can't have kids. I've had recurring cysts and they almost had to take one when they found a tumor a few years ago. I'm still trying to figure out exactly how to tell him.
JohnnyBlaze Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 I've had enough problems my doctor has talked to me about the possibility that I can't have kids. Well, I guess we know the answer to that question now. For what it's worth, I had the same question answered in the same manner. Boy, was my face red when I found out that I could've gotten the answer from just taking a test! As to how to tell him, there isn't really any easy way to do it. Treat it like a band-aid. Quick and direct is probably the best way to do it. Ten little words: "Sit down. Guess what? I'm pregnant and you're the father." Trust me, the conversation will start flowing pretty heavily from there on. Having both been the guy and having other friends who've also been the guy in similar situations, our minds go into logic overdrive. We don't really care how we got here (if a guy can't figure that much out, he's in real trouble). We just want to know "how are we going to deal with this?". There's time for an emotional crash once the plan is established and in motion. It's just the way most guys work, so use it in your favour - go direct.
missdeathwish Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Calmly, simply, and as soon as possible. Don't do it over the phone if you can possibly avoid it. Just say, "Hey, (insert his name here), I'm pregnant." The rest can be ad-libbed, since that's what he'll be doing.
wizer Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Shouldnt the decision as to whether or not you will have the child be partially his as well?
Ariadne Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 I've had enough problems my doctor has talked to me about the possibility that I can't have kids. I'm still trying to figure out exactly how to tell him. Congratulations on your pregnancy. If you tell him, there is a big possibility that you won't have the baby. He will probably start convincing you and giving you good reasons to have an abortion. You are in a vulnerable position, without a partner to support you, and medical costs. If you want to make sure to have the baby, I'd say wait till the baby is cooked and starts showing. Good luck.
Mary3 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Hey he was 50% to blame for this! Just say it - Get him around to yours and say "I know we agreed to stay casual and nothing will change but I have to tell you something, I did a positive pregnancy test and it is yours" Then see what he says He may get angry or he may not, why should you go through this by yourself? You did not concieve by yourself did you? Good luck whatever you decide hon I LOVE This response ! Another thing : this is the disasterous result of FWB's. When he was having sex with you , he knew there was no protection right ? Its not as if you both were not aware....I wonder if he is sleeping with others since you are not exclusive ? I would get an STD test right away to possibly protect your unborn baby....and you. Lishy says the rest ! Tell him.
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