HoneyB8826 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I hate to be one of those people that gets on here and just bit***s but I really need some insight here... a little background info: My boyfriend was previously married and has been divorced for about 2 years, I think this adds to the problem.... My boyfriend and I have been dating since October, so we've been together about 8 months now. Everything was going PERFECTLY. about a month after we started dating he told me he loved me and that I am the best thing that has ever happened to him and the most important person in his life. He is by far the best man I've ever been with. My family absolutely adores him and I love him with all my heart and soul. Well, about a month ago out of nowhere he sits me down and tells me that he doesn't think he loves me, or that he ever did. I really didn't know how to take that news, especially since everything was going so perfectly. But I decided to stay with him because he said that it's not me. He said that he's just not ready to love anyone right now - it wouldn't matter who he was with. He's scared of making the same mistake he did before. I just want to be his first option when he is ready. But how long should I wait? I mean, he said he thinks it will hit him like a load of bricks when he realizes he loves me, but after 8 months shouldn't that have already happened? Or should I be sympathetic to his past? Our relationship is still going well for the most part, it just breaks my heart every day being in a relationshiplike this and wondering what about me isn't good enough for him to love. I don't know if I should stick around, or if I'm fooling myself into thinking that one day he'll love me when he really won't. I really need an outsiders opinion.... thanks...
Karyyk Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I wish I had something reassuring to tell you, but since I'm facing something similar, all I can do is to tell you that when he tells you that it's not you, in this case, I think he's probably being honest. It doesn't have anything to do about you not being good enough (you are...you're proving it by putting yourself out like this, for one). Chances are, coming to terms with his past failures and things moving too fast scared him, and he needs to come to terms with all of that first. For some people, this can take a long time. On the other hand, right now you probably feel like you're going through hell, and the fact is that, as painful as it might be to admit, there is a possibility that it may never hit him. At some point, if that doesn't happen, you're going to have to make a call, and that call is going to hurt. I hope things don't come to that, and I hope things do get better, but the longer you stay in it, the more it's going to take out of you, the worse you're going to feel. I know that from experience. I stayed in a relationship for four years after my then SO told me she could no longer tell me that she loved me comfortably (though she never would tell me that she didn't love me). It ended badly, and I'm still bitter and scarred, though to a large extent that was my fault for hanging on longer than I should have. There comes a point where, if he won't do what's right for you, then you will have to do what's right for you.
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