HoneyB8826 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I hate to be one of those people that gets on here and just bit***s but I really need some insight here... a little background info: My boyfriend was previously married and has been divorced for about 2 years, I think this adds to the problem.... My boyfriend and I have been dating since October, so we've been together about 8 months now. Everything was going PERFECTLY. about a month after we started dating he told me he loved me and that I am the best thing that has ever happened to him and the most important person in his life. He is by far the best man I've ever been with. My family absolutely adores him and I love him with all my heart and soul. Well, about a month ago out of nowhere he sits me down and tells me that he doesn't think he loves me, or that he ever did. I really didn't know how to take that news, especially since everything was going so perfectly. But I decided to stay with him because he said that it's not me. He said that he's just not ready to love anyone right now - it wouldn't matter who he was with. He's scared of making the same mistake he did before. I just want to be his first option when he is ready. But how long should I wait? I mean, he said he thinks it will hit him like a load of bricks when he realizes he loves me, but after 8 months shouldn't that have already happened? Or should I be sympathetic to his past? Our relationship is still going well for the most part, it just breaks my heart every day being in a relationshiplike this and wondering what about me isn't good enough for him to love. I don't know if I should stick around, or if I'm fooling myself into thinking that one day he'll love me when he really won't. I really need an outsiders opinion.... thanks...
carrot10 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Your situation is very similar to mine. Only difference is that I told my boyfriend i loved him and he hasn't said it back. We've been together 9 months-I know he cares for me very much and is scared because of previous relationships just like your bf. Let me tell you there is NOTHING wrong with you! I've been thinking I'm not good enough, pretty enough, nice enough blah blah blah for awhile. I'm getting sick of it. When I read your post, it makes me sad. Why are we worrying so much about what these 2 guys think? I'm sure your bf is a great guy as is mine but are we going to settle and wait for these guys to MAYBE decide to fall in love with us? It sounds completely crazy when I actually say it. I am 100% sure there are 2 guys in this world that would love to be with us and give us what we need. Think about it today and I will too. Keep me posted..
Tomcat33 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 It all depends what your future plans are and where you are in life and exactly HOW much you love this man. Consider this: it could take him years to come the realization and might even take him being with other women and trying to form other relationships to figure out he actually DID love you. Do you really want to wait around for all that? I would give myself a reasonable time frame that seems ok to you, let's say 2 months (for example) to see if he comes around. Go NC with him and let him clear his head, and if at the end of your "reasonable time frame" he is still feeling the same then maybe it is time to move on. A few months is reasonable and it's not likely you will miss out on much in those months anyway since if you DO love this guy your heart is not ready for a new man/relationship anyway. But understand that the longer you hang on to the hope of this relationship working out, the longer you prolongue your recovery if he DOES decide he is really not inlove with you and needs to move on. All decisions you need to make based on what you feel is best for you. He might just be in panic mode feeling like things are getting serious and given his past failure in a marriage might be totally scared to proceed so he just needs time alone to pocess his feelings and insecurities. OR it could very well be that he is really not inlove afterall. Take note that the worst thing you can do at this point is to try to "convince" him to stick around, there is NO amount or reasoning with him that will convince him stay so best to let him go off and figure this out on his own.
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