PhoenixFromTheFlames Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I will see my ex in two days, and I’m really, really not ready, I’m still hopelessly hung up on him. But I can’t get out of it, and neither can he. I still can’t even hear his name without crying, how the hell do I get through the day? I don’t want him to see me cry for him again. We won’t be alone for very long, but everyone that will be there thought we were headed for marriage so it will be very awkward, especially for me as everyone knows how cut up I am about it, and how not bothered he is. I can't ignore him, it's work. Worse still, I know that this weekend he is taking his new girlfriend on the weekend away we planned together. I was really looking forward to it, bought a new dress and everything, and now they will enjoy it together while I am alone and miserable. Everyone I know is busy with their other halves this weekend which makes it worse.
roghornio Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I will see my ex in two days, and I’m really, really not ready, I’m still hopelessly hung up on him. But I can’t get out of it, and neither can he. I still can’t even hear his name without crying, how the hell do I get through the day? I don’t want him to see me cry for him again. We won’t be alone for very long, but everyone that will be there thought we were headed for marriage so it will be very awkward, especially for me as everyone knows how cut up I am about it, and how not bothered he is. I can't ignore him, it's work. Worse still, I know that this weekend he is taking his new girlfriend on the weekend away we planned together. I was really looking forward to it, bought a new dress and everything, and now they will enjoy it together while I am alone and miserable. Everyone I know is busy with their other halves this weekend which makes it worse. Cancel. Make up an excuse... as you say your not ready.
Author PhoenixFromTheFlames Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 Unfortunately I can't cancel, it's work. I have to be there, so does he.
roghornio Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Unfortunately I can't cancel, it's work. I have to be there, so does he. Phone sick?
Author PhoenixFromTheFlames Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 I could lose my job. This is a really important meeting. I have cried off the overnight conference the following week claiming it's a bad use of my time, but I can't escape this meeting. As I have no choice but to see him, how do I act? Civil, friendly, bit distant? I would like him back (I know, I know).
roghornio Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Well i'm stuck on what to say. What are you doing this weekend? Get something really nice organised for yourself.. something to look forward to... ?!
justine4 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I know its going to be very difficult for you. I know this sounds kind of odd but try and treat going to the meeting as an actress would when acting in a role. Make an effort to look well (not just to show him what he's missing, but to make you feel more confident in yourself). Put on the 'brave face'. Even if you have to rush to the bathroom regularly to let the tears out. I recently had to go to a wedding less than a week after I broke up from my bf and it broke my heart. The compliments came from everywhere as to how great I looked, yet inside I felt hollow and constantly withdrew into the bathroom for a cry then freshened up and faced the crowd again. I hated every single minute of it, theres no point sugar coating it, however, I survived it - and so will you. Try and stay out of eyeline with him. That really will be heartwrenching. If its possible to stay as far away from him as you can, I'd definitely recommend this. Otherwise, just say the minimum to him - just to be civil. I read somewhere recently to imagine someone as being half their size wearing a nappy to avoid feeling intimidated by someone. Even if it doesn't stop the hurt - it'd bring a small smile to your face imagining it! BE BRAVE! You can do it. Think of it in practical terms - its only a few hours and it'll be over. I really feel for you
Kamille Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Do you have any close work friend that will also be attending the work event? Someone you trust who knows and understand you are going through something difficult? I would ask that person to be my support throughout the day, that way you don't have to feel like you are going in alone. If at one point you get really flustered, that person can anchor you, hopefully make you laugh. I don't think there are any set rule on how to act. Keep contact with the ex to a professional minimum. Since you seem to imply that people attending the meeting will be aware of your situation, I think you can count on them to understand that a little awkwardness is to be expected. Most of us know what heartbreak feels like and can empathize with what you are going through. Perhaps you can take comfort in thinking that while your heartbreak is all-encompassing to you right now, your coworkers see you as more then the sum of your relationship history.
justaman99 Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 As I have no choice but to see him, how do I act? Civil, friendly, bit distant? I would like him back (I know, I know). Just be professional. Be civil with him and friendly, knowing it will be very difficult but do your best to keep your emotions in check. It's work and you should do your best to keep things on that level only. Muster up all you can, spend the couple hours doing what you have to do, then go home and cry your eyes out. I feel for you. It must be hard.
sedgwick Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 I read somewhere recently to imagine someone as being half their size wearing a nappy to avoid feeling intimidated by someone. Ha ha ha...that's a whole new take on imagining them in their underwear! But seriously Phoenix, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. What a complete and thorough downer. I can't imagine how it must feel to know she's with him on your vacation. And then to have to see him right after that! *shudder* I strongly recommend ducking into the bathroom and having a shot or two beforehand. Carry a flask in your pocket.
GuttedEnglishBloke Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 I really feel for you, I'd find this quite tough. But as you say, it's not going to be for long. If I were in your position, I'd probably keep my distance. Be civil if you need to speak to him, but don't give anything away. The previous poster's suggestion of a hip flask is a good one a couple of drinks won't hurt, then you can leave with your dignity and be upset back at home or after the event where he can't see you. Don't let them take your dignity too, that's all we have left!
Author PhoenixFromTheFlames Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 Thanks everyone for the advice. I got through it, just! Longest day ever though, seven hours with my ex! I did my very best confident act, and think it went ok. I've been really upset again since, but I expected as much. He was friendly, but obviously it was awkward too. Think i'm finally starting to forget about 'us' and start thinking about me. He has started contacting me now, after 2 months of silence. I'm responding, but not initiating anything. Not expecting anything from it, but it's nice to leave things on better terms.
borelandkaren Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Thanks everyone for the advice. I got through it, just! Longest day ever though, seven hours with my ex! I did my very best confident act, and think it went ok. I've been really upset again since, but I expected as much. He was friendly, but obviously it was awkward too. Think i'm finally starting to forget about 'us' and start thinking about me. He has started contacting me now, after 2 months of silence. I'm responding, but not initiating anything. Not expecting anything from it, but it's nice to leave things on better terms. Congatulations! You did an excellent job. You should be proud of yourself. Now just be careful to make sure that you work out what his intentions are and if you're ready for anything futurewise. Well done, darl!
GuttedEnglishBloke Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Well done indeed. You must have done one hell of a good job. Sounds to me like someone realised what he'd been missing...
Author PhoenixFromTheFlames Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 Yeah, i'm not too sure if anything will come of it, but I feel a lot better now. I spent the week gearing myself up for 'civil' but preparing myself for the worst. I thought he would ignore me. He arrived early, and as I walked into the room he gave me a huge slightly nervous smile, walked straight over to me and told me how good I was looking. Completely threw me! I didn't say much back, kinda speechless, but I found my composure, geared myself up, walked back in the room, and was as charming as I could manage with everyone. I introduced people to each other, including him, and if I needed to, I walked straight up to him and asked him for whatever I needed just like everyone else, even making eye contact. I was always really shy in those situations before, so it really was a new me. Plus, I caught him looking at me a few times. He even text me when he left to say again that I was looking good, and that my work was really good. Could just be him being friendly of course, so i'm trying not to get my hopes up.
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