Nevermind Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 (I really need to cut down on the threads, starting one every other day...) I just calculated how much money I spent on the ex during his last visit, where he was already cheating. Part of the things I bought were used with her (fact) and I really worked my ass of for it. He did throw away every chance I gave him to prove himself a good person. I am thinking about writing him a "bill". I am just wondering if it's petty to do it. Part of me also hesitates because this will finally close all doors to him, and part of me wants to have them open a little. He was my first love, and I would like to keep memories, even though right now I can't enjoy them. Other part of me thinks that there is nothing left to remember that isn't tainted. Send the bill be made? Forget it?
Author Nevermind Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 It is petty, isn't it? I just want him to regret it somehow, I think. After all, he didn't force me to those things.
Crestfallen_KH Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Yes, it's petty. Believe me, I was cheated on too and I ended up kicking myself that I let him have the PS3, DLP TV and half the wine collection. I was still hoping we'd reconcile, so I kept thinking I'd see those things again, and when he moved in with her and I knew that wasn't going to happen, I started obsessing about the things I'd let him have. I know you worked your butt off, but in the end the money doesn't matter. Would getting the money back really and truly be your reason for sending the bill?
Author Nevermind Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 Probably not. Maybe it would even be an excuse for contact. You're right. I need to forget about this. Sigh. I worked so hard, didn't buy me anything for months to have a great time with him...and now he still has money left to spend with her. I feel like I am buying him the holiday. But it's better like this. High road, here I come.
Crestfallen_KH Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 If it makes you feel better, I totally understand. I really, really do. There are so many unfair things that happen to the person who is cheated on, and even though sending a bill would be petty, I absolutely understand the motivation and thinking behind it. People rarely regret taking the high road. They often regret it when they don't.
serendip Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 (I really need to cut down on the threads, starting one every other day...) I just calculated how much money I spent on the ex during his last visit, where he was already cheating. Part of the things I bought were used with her (fact) and I really worked my ass of for it. He did throw away every chance I gave him to prove himself a good person. I am thinking about writing him a "bill". I am just wondering if it's petty to do it. Part of me also hesitates because this will finally close all doors to him, and part of me wants to have them open a little. He was my first love, and I would like to keep memories, even though right now I can't enjoy them. Other part of me thinks that there is nothing left to remember that isn't tainted. Send the bill be made? Forget it? Send him a bill for what? It was gifts...you have no recourse in a court of law...plus it would make you look very negative in most people's eyes. I think I spent something like $30,000 on the ex on trips, dinners, gifts..etc. She never asked nor suggested she wanted any of these things....that's why I had no problem spending that money on her. Now if I sent her a bill for the cost of the good times we had together...I'd be an a-hole. Plus the money means very little to me...I can always make more.
Author Nevermind Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 The gifts were given under false pretenses, and I am not talking about the fidelity part. Nor was everything a gift. Flight costs etc that were used for flights to her, etc. However, I realized that I would have used it to get in contact. It's not about the money, it's about getting my love back. Which I can't. I am a student, I didn't go shopping (not only once) in 4 months, I worked every free hour and did not endulge myself in anything to have the money to spoil him. It's not really the money itself, it's the hard work, effort and sacrifices I made for it. But, as I said, it was just a fleeting thought. Basically something like...if he's mad at least he thinks about me.
serendip Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 if he's mad at least he thinks about me. But not in a positive way. Also he cheated...so why would you want someone who not only not want you but disrespected himself, the relationship and you. The act of cheating boils down to selfishness...why would you want a person so only cares for himself. You should love yourself more to be able to walk away.
underpants Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Booked flights ......................300 Romantic dinner....................150 Concert...............................120 Sandwiches made with love......20 Finding out that your betroved is a lying, cheating scumbag....priceless.
sunshinegirl Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 The act of cheating boils down to selfishness...why would you want a person so only cares for himself. Thank you for this reminder. I am apt to make excuses for his crappiness (he's confused, he's hurting, he 'only' kissed her) when, really, he admitted himself that he's only thinking of himself right now. Nevermind, yes, it would be petty to send a bill. Think of it this way: wasn't it worth the few hundred/thousand bucks you spent on him to learn that he's a lying cheating SOB? Would you rather have been married, and possibly have kids, when you discovered his craptastic character?
Author Nevermind Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 You should love yourself more to be able to walk away.I am doing therapy, and I know it's not the best thing to feel. But right now I can't help it. At least I know what I feel. And I am voicing it here to get it off my chest and get some input. He was the love of my life, to me. And I can't just let that drop so easily. underpants: I actually thought about a similar wording. Sunshinegirl: My head and my heart would like to deliver a message: Head: you're right. Heart: But maybe it was something I did. I can be better. *breakingsound*
Art_Critic Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 You can't bill someone for something they didn't agree to pay for. There was this one GF I dated.. She needed a new front door unit put in her house so I bought the door and put it in with the agreement that she would pay me back for the door..not the labor.. just the cost of the door.. The day the door was finished we got into a big fight over stupid crap and broke up.. She never paid me the 600.00 for the door. I did ask her for it but she refused to pay me.. I walked away..( not exactly quietly.. I did have some words with her though over it ) I figured she has to look at that door each time she opens it and knows she screwed me out of the 600.00 bucks she agreed to pay. I always figured her loss in the end.. I learned a valuable lesson that day.....
Author Nevermind Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 Yes, his loss... It really wasn't the money. Just a feeling to get something back. To get him back in a sick twisted way.. Me: Give me my money! He: Oh. I just realized I love you so very much. Me: Okay, I forgive you. We: Riding into the sunset. Undecided between: or or or . You know, I am really proud of being so rational and realistic about him and my own feelings. Sure sign of moving on. This time: to myself.
ioncebelieved Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I think I spent something like $30,000 on the ex on trips, dinners, gifts..etc. OUCH!!!! I thought my near 10K was bad for the things I did!!! Serendip, you have me beaten by a long shot, but I bet you my 10K to your 30k that we both wished we would have cut our losses a lot sooner!!!
serendip Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 OUCH!!!! I thought my near 10K was bad for the things I did!!! Serendip, you have me beaten by a long shot, but I bet you my 10K to your 30k that we both wished we would have cut our losses a lot sooner!!! No...it's not a big deal. I really enjoyed the times we spent together....and like I said I can always make more money. She didn't used me for my money(wasn't that type)...hell she cheated on me with a dude who lives in a Van...definitely not about money with her. If I really want to add to the total....I bought a house because of her(I was thinking she was going to stay in my town and she might need a place to crash)....I was fine with living out of high end hotel rooms on a month to month basis. Let's just say the house costs quite a lot.
motive2002 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 There's always Judge Judy.. which makes me wonder, can you have a pre-nup for dating? lol
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