Lights Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 On this thread here, a user was asking about whether or not his standards in finding a date were too high. One respondent wrote something that I find interesting, and would like to learn more about. Just keep qualifying them and discard the unsuccessful applicants . The above here is the quote in question. It made me wonder; how does one get women to be applicants, to use the metaphor stated here? At the moment I'm stuck battling for even a tiny chance to get them to speak to me, rather than having them apply themselves in any fashion to do so with me, and I'm strongly suspecting that I'm not the one doing the discarding as I withstand rejection after rejection. What would I do to change the dynamic and start being the one who does the qualifying and discarding and sees actual successful and unsuccessful 'applicants' along the way?
MJR Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 At the moment I'm stuck battling for even a tiny chance to get them to speak to me.... Why is that, Lights? You must have thought about it. You must have your suspicious reasons. Tell me. We'll talk about qualifying later.
Author Lights Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 Why is that, Lights? You must have thought about it. You must have your suspicious reasons. Tell me. We'll talk about qualifying later. If I knew, I would tell you. I do not know why the situation is as it is.
MJR Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 What are these women doing when you approach them? What do you say? I'm sure you know at least that much.
SpikeyChick Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 What are these women doing when you approach them? What do you say? I'm sure you know at least that much. It is helpful to examine what YOU are doing and saying first- the girls are just reacting to you and their first impression of you. Perhaps you need to rethink your mindset when it comes to "the ladies". Lets start at the start here. What are your beliefs about what makes for a successful encounter with a new woman. What do you believe are attractive INITIAL qualities in a man which draw women to him? How do you appoach women -what do you say typically as an opener? How old are you ?
OpenBook Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 It is helpful to examine what YOU are doing and saying first- the girls are just reacting to you and their first impression of you. Perhaps you need to rethink your mindset when it comes to "the ladies". Lets start at the start here. What are your beliefs about what makes for a successful encounter with a new woman. What do you believe are attractive INITIAL qualities in a man which draw women to him? How do you appoach women -what do you say typically as an opener? How old are you ? Confidence, my man!! Spikey's right; the girls are reacting to how you present yourself, how you're behaving around them. I'll tell you what I think "makes for a successful encounter with a new woman." The greatest aphrodisiac to women, IMO, and the thing that attracts them the most to a man, is a quiet, self-confident presence that you emanate without saying a word. And part of this approach is the graceful handling of rejection. It's no skin off your nose, and you should not take it personally. When done right, a girl's rejection of you should not change one iota of your behavior. Nobody's going to throw you off your own game, unless you let them.
Author Lights Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 What are these women doing when you approach them? What do you say? I'm sure you know at least that much. It is helpful to examine what YOU are doing and saying first- the girls are just reacting to you and their first impression of you... How do you appoach women -what do you say typically as an opener? The approaches can vary; there isn't anything I 'typically' might say because the situations vary. What the women are doing at the time varies with the situation, and can pretty much be anything at all. Recent cases have included walking, drinking coffee, or resting between sets in a gym, but those are only an example. Methods I have recently used include attempts at direct introductions, comments on nearby situations or things nearby or involving the other person, or just plain saying hi. If I take an approach that involves more than one word, there is also the issue that the woman in question may have walked right by by the time I finish the rest of the sentence--that sort of thing is really not fun. In moving situations variables such as relative movement speed and allocated time come in as well. Unfortunately, in any of the cases, I have not found any rationale behind what even gets a response to a hi or other such initial set of words and what does not, so I am left unable to learn from any mistakes I might have made. Perhaps you need to rethink your mindset when it comes to "the ladies". Lets start at the start here. What are your beliefs about what makes for a successful encounter with a new woman. What do you believe are attractive INITIAL qualities in a man which draw women to him? ...How old are you ? Definitions of successful encounters (and the definability of such a concept) as far as I can tell can vary by the time allocated, nature of the interaction, and whether or not any goal appeared relevant at the time. (For an example, if there's someone nearby whom one has decided to seduce outright on the spot, success and failure there is quite easily defined. In other cases, it might be that concepts of successful encounters can be less directly definable.) I do not know what qualities matter. If I did, I would have used them already. I have detected other men at a distance who appeared to have been received far differently, but I do not have any reason to believe that they are somehow different from me. I'm in my late 20s. Confidence, my man!! Spikey's right; the girls are reacting to how you present yourself, how you're behaving around them. I'll tell you what I think "makes for a successful encounter with a new woman." The greatest aphrodisiac to women, IMO, and the thing that attracts them the most to a man, is a quiet, self-confident presence that you emanate without saying a word. How is this done?
Author Lights Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 If anyone could help further, it'd be much appreciated.
J2FT1 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 On this thread here, a user was asking about whether or not his standards in finding a date were too high. One respondent wrote something that I find interesting, and would like to learn more about. The above here is the quote in question. It made me wonder; how does one get women to be applicants, to use the metaphor stated here? At the moment I'm stuck battling for even a tiny chance to get them to speak to me, rather than having them apply themselves in any fashion to do so with me, and I'm strongly suspecting that I'm not the one doing the discarding as I withstand rejection after rejection. What would I do to change the dynamic and start being the one who does the qualifying and discarding and sees actual successful and unsuccessful 'applicants' along the way? You, too, is being influenced by the "spi-chi" effect. Wise road you are walking.
Author Lights Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 You, too, is being influenced by the "spi-chi" effect. Wise road you are walking. Hi J2FT, I'm sorry but I don't understand the jargon here. Could you please explain further?
J2FT1 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Hi J2FT, I'm sorry but I don't understand the jargon here. Could you please explain further? Well, for some reason, SpikeyChick here (more than most females on this forum) knows men more than some men know themselves. And she can defend them because she also is a woman so she knows what she's up against. It's called art of spi-chi ("spi"-key "chi"ck). It's like Tai-chi, but for dating.
ibitealil Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 How is this done? Im also in my late 20's and It s very strange to me to hear that people have standard or qualifications for dates as if you are hiring someone for a job. Cant you go for your instincts. Of course everyone has some criteria or preference on who you are attracted to but you cant just go look for someone with the list on your hand?!! (i would say it ll never work if you can) There is no exact science or cross list to drive women. It all depends on if you and her has the vibe between you 2. Usually it turns women off if a man is needy and desperate. That is why many people say things happen when you least expected it. You cant just hit on a girl who is walking on the street or resting in a gym which clearly gives signals of desperation (unless u noticed her checking you out many times before or flirting with you etc). So dont try too hard to get a woman. Be confident and put your priority on something else than women. That is very attractive to us. I neither know men nor women but i know for sure spark and chemistry comes first...the list comes later.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 How is this done? Im also in my late 20's and It s very strange to me to hear that people have standard or qualifications for dates as if you are hiring someone for a job. Cant you go for your instincts. Of course everyone has some criteria or preference on who you are attracted to but you cant just go look for someone with the list on your hand?!! (i would say it ll never work if you can) I too, am turned off by the verbage used in this thread. Qualifications? Applicants? Discarding people? Yuck. How about getting to know people and seeing if the chemistry is there or not? And if it isn't, hopefully you had some good conversation and possibly made a new friend? Very few people will be a match. Chemistry is hard to find. Add in shared values, similar stations in life, similar stages in life, etc etc and you see why there are so many coming to LS with relationship issues. The fact is it is just plain RARE to find that perfect match. So why not have fun with dating and meeting people instead of approaching it with the attitude that you will "discard" people who don't meet your "qualifications"?
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 The top part of my last post is supposed to be a quote, but somehow it didn't end up in "quote form".
SpikeyChick Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 . It made me wonder; how does one get women to be applicants, to use the metaphor stated here? At the moment I'm stuck battling for even a tiny chance to get them to speak to me, Ok lets take this ONE tiny step at a time. I am going to give you the skinny on how to attract women into your 'zone' of influence.. What you do with this info is up to you. However- I suspect that many other women here will ridicule my suggestions and become quite hostile. I am not here to please them or seek their approval, so if they express their resentment, it is of no comsequence to me. I suggest that you make up your own mind about what I am going to tell you and not be swayed by their comments. The answer to being attractive to women lies in evolutionary psychology. Let me ask you a simple question. Imagine how life was for women back in the day when life was a srtuggle to survive daily..If you were an unattached woman of 20 -30 years of age and you lived in a subsistence culture , what qualities would you look for in a potential mate ?. Remember that your physical safety was never guaranteed back then, and that frequent hunger was the norm. I am talking about tribal life, pre-agriculture.. I don't know about you but if I lived back then, I would want a man who was strong, confident and dominant who had the ability to guarantee my safety and who could provide enough food from hunting to feed both of us PLUS a few children later on. So there is your first clue ,Lights.
Author Lights Posted June 8, 2008 Author Posted June 8, 2008 I too, am turned off by the verbage used in this thread. Qualifications? Applicants? Discarding people? Yuck. Im also in my late 20's and It s very strange to me to hear that people have standard or qualifications for dates as if you are hiring someone for a job. Cant you go for your instincts. Of course everyone has some criteria or preference on who you are attracted to but you cant just go look for someone with the list on your hand?!! (i would say it ll never work if you can) True, it's a nonstandard way of describing the matter. And I wasn't looking for specific lists of qualities or the like; maybe the usage of the words threw this off. What I was most interested regarding the concept of "discarding applicants" was just the concept of people making actual effort, and of being able to casually next them if necessary. (At the moment, I don't see themselves applying anything to get a chance with me, and it's me who's being forced into that role.) It wasn't about turning things into some sort of list or commercialized interview, although it looks like I didn't pick up on the best of words to get that across. You cant just hit on a girl who is walking on the street or resting in a gym which clearly gives signals of desperation (unless u noticed her checking you out many times before or flirting with you etc). This is a serious issue then. I've never in my life so far been checked out, and nor has a woman ever made any such attempt to flirt with me of her own accord. Are you then saying that I should never approach a woman? So dont try too hard to get a woman. Be confident and put your priority on something else than women. That is very attractive to us. I neither know men nor women but i know for sure spark and chemistry comes first...the list comes later. If I don't make seeing women a priority of some sort, then I see very few women of interest even from a long distance, as I have a very guy-heavy daily life. I've actually done the whole "put your priorities elsewhere" thing before for a few years in the past. It's great for accomplishing other things in life that one might have sought, but romance and sex it ain't bringin'. How about getting to know people and seeing if the chemistry is there or not? And if it isn't, hopefully you had some good conversation and possibly made a new friend? This does assume that the people in question permit a conversation. I can't tell you anything further, unfortunately. So why not have fun with dating and meeting people instead of approaching it with the attitude that you will "discard" people who don't meet your "qualifications"? This assumes that the dating is happening and the meeting attempts are fun. It hasn't gotten there yet. I don't know about you but if I lived back then, I would want a man who was strong, confident and dominant who had the ability to guarantee my safety and who could provide enough food from hunting to feed both of us PLUS a few children later on. So there is your first clue ,Lights. That would be a serious issue then, because I have no interest in providing for or defending anyone at this point in my life.
ibitealil Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 This is a serious issue then. I've never in my life so far been checked out, and nor has a woman ever made any such attempt to flirt with me of her own accord. Are you then saying that I should never approach a woman? No i did not say that. You are missing my point here. Of course you should approach women but you cant ask every female passing you by on the street. There should be some conditions occassions or some feel to it... i guess you have to feel it when and what you should do depending on the circumstances.......Dont act desperate and dont be obvious that you r looking for someone..be confident happy and sweet...girls love sweet....Try to have a pick up line or use a joke or something when you approach a girl that might interest her i guess....when i first met my bf i didnt even notice him but he came to offer me a help accidentally (that was his pick up line)..we started to talk and he was funny sweet and smart and i sure changed my mind about him afterwards. And you are also missing the point in other people's advice in here too. What we were saying is that develop some quality in urself that might attract women. If not looks then give security to women (like Spikey chick suggested).. Are you nice? are u caring? Do you treat women well? Are you successful? are u smart? etc. You can not be so robotic about how to approach women. There is no exact function or mathematics to it...just let things roll by itself and look for opportunities to click with someone but dont look for exact someone who has all those perfect qualities. Because there is no one like that out there. So, i guess luck has also something to do with it too...so good luck man!
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 8, 2008 Posted June 8, 2008 Never underestimate the power of humor. Are you funny? Play it up. not funny? Maybe you can work on that. I've definitely fallen for funny guys who weren't necessarily the hottest guys on the planet.
MJR Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 The approaches can vary; there isn't anything I 'typically' might say because the situations vary. What the women are doing at the time varies with the situation, and can pretty much be anything at all. Recent cases have included walking, drinking coffee, or resting between sets in a gym, but those are only an example. Methods I have recently used include attempts at direct introductions, comments on nearby situations or things nearby or involving the other person, or just plain saying hi. If I take an approach that involves more than one word, there is also the issue that the woman in question may have walked right by by the time I finish the rest of the sentence--that sort of thing is really not fun. In moving situations variables such as relative movement speed and allocated time come in as well. Unfortunately, in any of the cases, I have not found any rationale behind what even gets a response to a hi or other such initial set of words and what does not, so I am left unable to learn from any mistakes I might have made. Do you go to the gym to get in shape or stay in shape? Do you consider your looks average, above average, below average? When you try talking to women, are you calm and fairly confident or is there a lot of crap going through your head? Are you too intimidating? I only ask because at this point I have a hard time believing your issue of not getting responses out of women is primarily a conversational problem or one of timing (women on the move are tough for just about everyone). I don't care how awkward a guy might be in his approaches, he will get some conversation going eventually. If that's not even close to happening, then it sounds like something these women see in you either before you speak to them or at the very moment you begin. I mean, something that you might not be aware of like a slightly crazy look to your eye from a stressful situation would be enough to give you this kind of reoccurring problem.
bernie888 Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Spikeychick, so women are still going for the 'caveman' type of guy?! Very disappointing to hear. Ok lets take this ONE tiny step at a time. I am going to give you the skinny on how to attract women into your 'zone' of influence.. What you do with this info is up to you. However- I suspect that many other women here will ridicule my suggestions and become quite hostile. I am not here to please them or seek their approval, so if they express their resentment, it is of no comsequence to me. I suggest that you make up your own mind about what I am going to tell you and not be swayed by their comments. The answer to being attractive to women lies in evolutionary psychology. Let me ask you a simple question. Imagine how life was for women back in the day when life was a srtuggle to survive daily..If you were an unattached woman of 20 -30 years of age and you lived in a subsistence culture , what qualities would you look for in a potential mate ?. Remember that your physical safety was never guaranteed back then, and that frequent hunger was the norm. I am talking about tribal life, pre-agriculture.. I don't know about you but if I lived back then, I would want a man who was strong, confident and dominant who had the ability to guarantee my safety and who could provide enough food from hunting to feed both of us PLUS a few children later on. So there is your first clue ,Lights.
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