FridayGal Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I see him everyweek, usually a few times a week, but always on Fridays. He comes to where I work. We chat, sometimes it seems for hours. He's always very friendly. I know he's married but he never but never speaks of his wife nor does he wear a wedding ring. He always looks so unhappy, except for when he's talking to me. He took me for a ride one day, I asked him for a lift to my car. He went out of his way to help me. But I'm moving now. I think maybe there's a possibility for us and don't want to lose it. I thought maybe if I asked him for his email address. If he's interested I think he'll write me, if he's not well what do I have to lose?
bentnotbroken Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 If you know he is married, happy or not, why would you open that door? Why would you want to hurt another woman? If you read some of these posts, you would know that women should be trying to find common ground, not shoving into a relationship.
whichwayisup Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I see him everyweek, usually a few times a week, but always on Fridays. He comes to where I work. We chat, sometimes it seems for hours. He's always very friendly. I know he's married but he never but never speaks of his wife nor does he wear a wedding ring. He always looks so unhappy, except for when he's talking to me. He took me for a ride one day, I asked him for a lift to my car. He went out of his way to help me. The part I bolded. YOU are assuming he is unhappy at home with his wife. He may not speak of his wife to you because it's none of your business. Not all men are going to discuss their personal lives with someone they don't know very well... He went out of his way to help you probably because you needed it and he's a nice person. Nothing more. All this is based on what "you" feel, and from what you've said so far, there's nothing in your post that screams out "yes I am going to leave my wife and be with you." But I'm moving now. I think maybe there's a possibility for us and don't want to lose it. I thought maybe if I asked him for his email address. If he's interested I think he'll write me, if he's not well what do I have to lose? Your self respect. Don't go after a married man. You can do better, don't settle to be someone's table scraps.
justice Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 No you should leave it alone. He's married. Bottom line. Off limits.
GPFan Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I know he's married but he never but never speaks of his wife nor does he wear a wedding ring. He always looks so unhappy, except for when he's talking to me.OK, so you have created an entire fantasy life from a series of facial expressions if he hasn't given you any other behavioural clues nor flat out stated that he fancies you. He took me for a ride one day, I asked him for a lift to my car. He went out of his way to help me.Perhaps he is a nice person as well as a gentleman. But I'm moving now. I think maybe there's a possibility for us and don't want to lose it. I thought maybe if I asked him for his email address. If he's interested I think he'll write me, if he's not well what do I have to lose?Nothing to lose by asking except, possibly, a bit of dignity. Should he take you up on your offer, long-distance relationships are challenging under the best of circumstances. Aren't you more excited about moving and the fresh new opportunities available in your new location?
OWoman Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I see him everyweek, usually a few times a week, but always on Fridays. He comes to where I work. We chat, sometimes it seems for hours. He's always very friendly. I know he's married but he never but never speaks of his wife nor does he wear a wedding ring. He always looks so unhappy, except for when he's talking to me. He took me for a ride one day, I asked him for a lift to my car. He went out of his way to help me. But I'm moving now. I think maybe there's a possibility for us and don't want to lose it. I thought maybe if I asked him for his email address. If he's interested I think he'll write me, if he's not well what do I have to lose? Hey, the petrol attendant at the local filling station is the same. I always fill up on a Friday, he always looks miserable (it's a crappy job, I know) but his face lights up when I arrive and he gets the chance to fill my car up. Perhaps I should ask him to marry me?
frannie Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 But I'm moving now. I think maybe there's a possibility for us and don't want to lose it. I thought maybe if I asked him for his email address. If he's interested I think he'll write me, if he's not well what do I have to lose? Possibility for what..? If you're moving, and he's married. Don't waste your time. Use the move for a fresh start, not hankering after something that never was, and that would only be hugely complicated if you (or he) did try to start something. What you have to lose is: years of your life, millions of tears, and your potential for happiness with someone who's not already married.
quankanne Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Perhaps I should ask him to marry me? only if you pose the proposal as a Beatles' song to the OP: You're reading something into his actions, creating a situation that doesn't exist except in your mind. Married means off limits; you should have enough respect for him (and yourself) to not venture into those waters. If he is free and clear to pursue ... and he shows a REAL interest in pursuing a relationship with you ... then you should consider taking the next step. Meanwhile, stop while you still have got your dignity. Because as I've said, you're reading something into his actions.
Lookingforward Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I see him everyweek, usually a few times a week, but always on Fridays. He comes to where I work. We chat, sometimes it seems for hours. He's always very friendly. I know he's married but he never but never speaks of his wife nor does he wear a wedding ring. He always looks so unhappy, except for when he's talking to me. He took me for a ride one day, I asked him for a lift to my car. He went out of his way to help me. But I'm moving now. I think maybe there's a possibility for us and don't want to lose it. I thought maybe if I asked him for his email address. If he's interested I think he'll write me, if he's not well what do I have to lose? and just maybe he has other women on the other days of the week that make his face light up LOL I had to re-read your post a few times to be sure I was actually reading what I was reading - May I ask how old you are ? This is schoolgirl crush time....... You KNOW he's married, wearing a ring or not signifies nothing - this is ALL in your head...you need to do some growing up
Author FridayGal Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 I think you're all wrong. I think he's interested. I'm not a child nor young, I've past the 40 year mark, and have had my ins and outs of relationships. This guy is something special, and if he's unhappily married why shouldn't I try to dislodge the status quo he may be stuck in? Anyway, I'm going to ask him to write. BTW - whichway - I'm settling for no one's "table scraps", and if his wife treats him like "table scraps" then too bad for her.
Lookingforward Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I think you're all wrong. I think he's interested. I'm not a child nor young, I've past the 40 year mark, and have had my ins and outs of relationships. This guy is something special, and if he's unhappily married why shouldn't I try to dislodge the status quo he may be stuck in? Anyway, I'm going to ask him to write. BTW - whichway - I'm settling for no one's "table scraps", and if his wife treats him like "table scraps" then too bad for her. You must have left a LOT out of your original post then - if you KNOW he's unhappily married even though he's never discussed his M with you - or perhaps you're psychic.... Seems you have your mind made up anyway - some people are like lemmings - you can't steer them away from the cliff
whichwayisup Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I think you're all wrong. I think he's interested. I'm not a child nor young, I've past the 40 year mark, and have had my ins and outs of relationships. This guy is something special, and if he's unhappily married why shouldn't I try to dislodge the status quo he may be stuck in? If he is unhappily married, why not wait until he gets divorced and then ask him out? He won't leave his wife for you, even if he is unhappy. All you'll be doing is filling in a need his wife isn't and you'll just be the OW. THAT is what I meant by table scraps......You won't get holidays with him and you'll be seeing him on HIS time frame - Or in your case, on the phone when he can make time for you. That is not a relationship, let alone something that is going to last. Anyway, I'm going to ask him to write. Seems you had it in your mind that you were going to write, why even bother posting a thread if you aren't going to hear out what anyone has said? BTW - whichway - I'm settling for no one's "table scraps", and if his wife treats him like "table scraps" then too bad for her. If you honestly think and believe this - Well, good luck.
mopar crazy Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Hey, the petrol attendant at the local filling station is the same. I always fill up on a Friday, he always looks miserable (it's a crappy job, I know) but his face lights up when I arrive and he gets the chance to fill my car up. Perhaps I should ask him to marry me? LMAO!!! That was a good one!!! Fridaygal, do what ya want b/c it seems like you have already made up your mind. But here is a warning: be prepared to be hurt.
OWoman Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 I think you're all wrong. I think he's interested. I'm not a child nor young, I've past the 40 year mark, and have had my ins and outs of relationships. This guy is something special, and if he's unhappily married why shouldn't I try to dislodge the status quo he may be stuck in? Anyway, I'm going to ask him to write. BTW - whichway - I'm settling for no one's "table scraps", and if his wife treats him like "table scraps" then too bad for her. FG - I'm not sure if you re-read what you posted after hitting the "post" button, or if you're aware of the edge of desperation it conveys? You're flinging yourself at a guy who may not even know you exist. Maybe there's more to the story than you've written here, but from what you've shared, this guy may go straight to the nearest cop shop and take out a restraining order - this kind of behaviour spells STALKER all over it.
Author FridayGal Posted June 4, 2008 Author Posted June 4, 2008 Let's see if I've got this straight. I'm interested in a guy who I see usually 2-3 times a week. We talk about stuff, all kinds of stuff. I flirt a little, he seems to like it . I know he's married, but he doesn't seem happy. He seems very unhappy except when I'm around. I'm moving and think I'll ask him if he'd like to write me, because I am interested in him and I think it's possible he's interested in me too. And all of a sudden I'm a stalker???? OWoman. I think you're the one with problems.
thisishowitis Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 I see him everyweek, usually a few times a week, but always on Fridays. He comes to where I work. We chat, sometimes it seems for hours. He's always very friendly. I know he's married but he never but never speaks of his wife nor does he wear a wedding ring. He always looks so unhappy, except for when he's talking to me. He took me for a ride one day, I asked him for a lift to my car. He went out of his way to help me. But I'm moving now. I think maybe there's a possibility for us and don't want to lose it. I thought maybe if I asked him for his email address. If he's interested I think he'll write me, if he's not well what do I have to lose? My opinion is that if his marriage truly sucks, and if he and his wife aren't happy, than there is no use in the marriage continuing. If he likes you, I say go for it.
whichwayisup Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 I know he's married, but he doesn't seem happy. He seems very unhappy except when I'm around. HAS HE actually said the words to you, "I am unhappy in my marriage" ??? If not, then YOU are assuming that his marriage is on the rocks. Also, how the heck do YOU know he is UNHAPPY when you are not around? That makes absolutely NO sense. If he likes you, I say go for it. So, forget the fact he is married? That's not wise advice. To tell someone to GO FOR a married person. That's just asking for pain and heartache. than there is no use in the marriage continuing. IF that is the case, let him leave his wife and divorce, then she can GOR FOR IT once he's free and single. Until then, she needs to back off.
Owl Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 He's married...might be interested, might not be. You've not had a 'relationship' with him up to this point. Now you're moving...and you want to explore a relationship with him??? Does this not have red flags all over it to you? He's MARRIED...good marriage or not, he's already in a relationship, and therefore not available to have one with you until that is over and done with. You're MOVING...which means this would be some kind of long distance relationship...which are notoriously hard to maintain even if they're started on solid foundation. Yours isn't even started yet...you want to build it from a distance? Does this really sound like the premise to create a solid relationship with anyone??? Would it not make MORE sense to chalk this one up as bad timing (he's married, you're moving) and move on in your life to find someone you CAN be with???
OWoman Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Let's see if I've got this straight. I'm interested in a guy who I see usually 2-3 times a week. We talk about stuff, all kinds of stuff. I flirt a little, he seems to like it . I know he's married, but he doesn't seem happy. He seems very unhappy except when I'm around. I'm moving and think I'll ask him if he'd like to write me, because I am interested in him and I think it's possible he's interested in me too. And all of a sudden I'm a stalker???? OWoman. I think you're the one with problems. Yep. Imagine I'm the nurse at a medical practice. There's a guy who comes in to have his bp checked every friday. He's in a crap job, maybe has a rough life at home too, and he always looks a bit down. Because I don't want a false reading, I try to relax him by joking around with him, sharing a laugh, and he seems to like it and responds well. We've gotten comfortable enough for the jokes to be a little risque now, and there's some light flirting, though I know he's married. I'm moving soon, so before I go I'm going to ask him to stay in touch. After all, who knows where it might lead...
Lookingforward Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 OW, you should know by now - you can't fix stupid and it's impossible to head off a determined lemming
OWoman Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 OW, you should know by now - you can't fix stupid and it's impossible to head off a determined lemming If someone was certain of what they wanted to do, why would they need to post here? So either, OP has some residual doubts and may yet alter course, or OP is a troll and merely wants to provoke a response. If the former, rustle up the lemming watch and send them to the cliffs; if the latter, bring on the popcorn and beer....
Lookingforward Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 If someone was certain of what they wanted to do, why would they need to post here? So either, OP has some residual doubts and may yet alter course, or OP is a troll and merely wants to provoke a response. If the former, rustle up the lemming watch and send them to the cliffs; if the latter, bring on the popcorn and beer.... I think as in a lot of cases here, the OP was just looking for validation of what they'd already decided to do LOL I get the impression sometimes that new posters think because it's an OW/OM forum all the responses they get will be "yay, go for it", unfortunately for them LS isn't that kind of site, even those who have been/are OW/OM will advise caution usually.
OWoman Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 I think as in a lot of cases here, the OP was just looking for validation of what they'd already decided to do LOL Who needs validation if they're certain? I get the impression sometimes that new posters think because it's an OW/OM forum all the responses they get will be "yay, go for it", unfortunately for them LS isn't that kind of site, even those who have been/are OW/OM will advise caution usually. hmmm - I don't have a "line". I advise what seems best to me, under the circumstances. Maybe I need a "line".
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