Author JustPassingThru Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 OPen up a blank word doucment and write out what you want to say... then read it back... i bet once it;'s out and you see how rubbish the chat is youll bin it... Really... what have you got to say? what will you get from it? Put yourself in her shoes... after all this time, what will she think when she reads it? Why waste your time on someone who saw you as the disposible option?! I do this multiple times a day. I write long text messages, save them to my drafts folder, and read them to myself. I've wanted to send them, but I know how that would make me look, WEAK. I know I'm weak, but she doesn't need to. So they end up being erased. You're right, I have nothing to say. I'm just not used to not having her in my life and miss the contact. I keep telling myself, "don't waste your time on someone who doesn't care about you". I repeat that to myself. But obviously that's falling on deaf ears. I wish there was a switch I could flip that would turn off my ability to care for her. Why do I stay hopeful?
HeartOnSleeve Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Can I ask a stupid question...what is "NC"....I'm new to this?
HeartOnSleeve Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Ok i think I figured out what it means...LOL. "Not communicating"? I am in the same boat and it kills me everyday not to talk with him and know how he is doing. It's been a month and although I can get through the day not giving in, the pain is lingering. I found this quote and I think it's why it hurts that someone get just let go of another person they supposedly loved once, with no "if and or but". "Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him." Hang in there! It has to get better and it WILL.
pennyxrose Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Can I ask a stupid question...what is "NC"....I'm new to this? As far as I know it means 'No Contact.' I'm struggling with NC myself...
carrie3107 Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Been struggling with NC for the past couple of days. Thinking is he going to call me!!! But the way that i deal with it is from the last time i saw him was round his house (which looked a mess), so when im struggling i picture his house a mess with him playing his xbox all day and night sitting on his own in a old green sitting chair, and think thank god im no longer there!!!!
foxh1234 Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 No contact is extremely hard to do. The first month is the hardest. I had such a hard time with it as well. I can tell you from first hand experience though: 1: Having contact makes it worse. 2: Having contact starts the hurt fresh, all over again. Breaking Contact, COMPLETELY, is the only way to start the healing process. After a month or so, you will feel so much better and it gets easier and easier. You need to stay off the computer or at least stay away from checking up on her. Get rid of anything that reminds you of her, pictures, emails, etc When you get down, and think of her, call a friend, do something else, keep busy. Great advice and so very very true.
v33 Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 I will tell you this... the worst thing about breaking NC is if you initiate contact and get no response you will have to deal with the rejection all over again. I once made the mistake of calling the ex when I knew damn well she was available to take my call and knew who was calling and she ignored it. It feels like being dumped all over again.
borelandkaren Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 The last times I made contact (5 weeks ago) he never replied. I can now see his nasty face when he realised the phone calls were from me. He would have thought, "**** you, bitch" waited till they went to message bank, listened and then gone on with whatever he was doing. I rang to ask for my birth certificate (He will never send it to me) so I wasn't begging him to get back together. On the other hand, I sent him txt messages and he responded. Negatively to everything I wrote until I told him that regardless of any bad ****, I still had feelings for him. Well.......Then he thought he was back in. This was all basically a test for me. I got what I wanted. I needed to know that he still wanted me and he did. (I left because he was abusive). I have not contacted him again. I still love him but I know I never truly had him and know I never will. It's all about control for him, not love. I can't live with that. Might be game playing, yes but I kinda got my closure.
Author JustPassingThru Posted June 7, 2008 Author Posted June 7, 2008 I will tell you this... the worst thing about breaking NC is if you initiate contact and get no response you will have to deal with the rejection all over again. Half of me is ashamed that I broke it, the other half sees it as the closing deal. I kind of figured she wouldn't respond. But I just needed her to know that I still cared for her. I put that out there for the last time, if she doesn't bite, then I know where I'm headed. I have a guilt free conscience right now. I know in my head I did everything I could. I treated her right, and I tried to make it work. She knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love her. I just hope one day she realizes what she had. At least in my heart, I know I made the effort. She's the one that gave up.
Template Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Half of me is ashamed that I broke it, the other half sees it as the closing deal. I kind of figured she wouldn't respond. But I just needed her to know that I still cared for her. I put that out there for the last time, if she doesn't bite, then I know where I'm headed. I have a guilt free conscience right now. I know in my head I did everything I could. I treated her right, and I tried to make it work. She knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love her. I just hope one day she realizes what she had. At least in my heart, I know I made the effort. She's the one that gave up. This is the main thing. Keep on telling yourself this, as this will be your source of strength. If a person cannot reciprocate the feeling and emotion that you have given them, then they clearly don't deserve yours.
borelandkaren Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Been struggling with NC for the past couple of days. Thinking is he going to call me!!! But the way that i deal with it is from the last time i saw him was round his house (which looked a mess), so when im struggling i picture his house a mess with him playing his xbox all day and night sitting on his own in a old green sitting chair, and think thank god im no longer there!!!! Thank you, Carrie. I won't tell u the mental images I conjure up from the last times I saw him but they're not pretty. That's a great way to deal with a lot of this stuff.
borelandkaren Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 Agreed. I have been doing NC for 37-38 days I've stopped counting. All contact will do is set you back. She knows how to get in touch with you if she wants to and she hasn't. I for one will not chase someone who doesn't want to be with me. It is a losing battle man. Up until a week ago, I wanted to talk to her everyday, but I thought to myself, what do I have to say to her ? She has moved on and I have to do the same. As hard as it is, do not contact her. It will hurt you and boost her self esteem. Not contacting her helps you heal and builds your self esteem.It's a no brainer man. That is so cute!!! Which day did you stop counting? 37 or 38? Little darlin'!!!!:laugh: Ps. I think we all break or want to break contact JPT. Don't sweat it for being human.
debbiew1984 Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 It is 16 weeks today for me with No Contact i was dumped very out the blue for "Space" it is hard, very hard but it does get easier. With me its usually drink that makes me think its a good idea but i never have done never will. i now sometimes go with out the phone on a night out just in case! They dont want to be with me no matter how hard it is i will not chase, id rather be a mystery
0hpenelope Posted June 7, 2008 Posted June 7, 2008 They dont want to be with me no matter how hard it is i will not chase, id rather be a mystery This. Very true. And sometimes, the exes really don't care about what we do anymore. That's the easiest way for me to deal with things, I think. To assume that whatever it is that I'm doing and whoever I'm with, Lawrence could care less about since he walked out anyway. Fine by me.
Author JustPassingThru Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 Let me start by saying, I suck at No Contact. For some reason, I was really struggling with NC last night. I kept thinking to myself, "if I never contact my ex then I'll never hear from her." I felt like she was waiting for me to say something to her. I don't know, random strange thoughts and analysis of the situation plagued me all day, and by night I was a wreck. Breaking NC was inevitable. So I grabbed my cell, went to the message I've been editing and debating sending now for the last 2 weeks. Gave it a quick read through and sent it. Yep, I sent that damn message, it was long, it was thought out, and it was straight from the heart. About 30 seconds later, I realized what I had done... There was no unsending it, that message was out. I freaked out for about 10 minutes, then I calmed down. About 20 minutes passed by and all of a sudden I get a text, from her! I was scared to read it, but figured oh well... See what she has to say. To my utter disbelief, it was a very nice message and longer than the one I sent her. It absolutley killed me inside to read, brought back all those memories of her. I didn't respond, because I was in too much shock. Definatley didn't expect any sort of reply, especially a nice one. 15 minutes later, another message, just as long as the other. Couldn't believe it. Obviously she had some bottled up emotions as well. I replied with a short but to the point message and told her goodnight. Back to NC? Who knows, but I said what I had to and I feel better. And I know how she feels. Anyway, I'm glad I broke NC and in a way it put me back to where I started. Only this time, I have a better foundation to build from. I feel like there is at least some closure. There is still that glimmer of hope that burns inside, and there's no getting rid of that. I'm just hopeful. I don't know why but I feel like we still have a chance at making things work, maybe not right now, but some day. For now, I will give her the time and space she needs to grow. Back to recovery...
critter909 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 I broke NC today after a week. I couldn't take it anymore! I'm glad I did. I did not win him back, of course! but i didn't expect to. I got some stuff off my chest, told him how I felt, he answered some of my questions, and overall I feel ten times better. I know this may not work for everyone, depending on your ex, but it was the right thing for me.
sultry33 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Let me start by saying, I suck at No Contact. For some reason, I was really struggling with NC last night. I kept thinking to myself, "if I never contact my ex then I'll never hear from her." I felt like she was waiting for me to say something to her. I don't know, random strange thoughts and analysis of the situation plagued me all day, and by night I was a wreck. Breaking NC was inevitable. So I grabbed my cell, went to the message I've been editing and debating sending now for the last 2 weeks. Gave it a quick read through and sent it. Yep, I sent that damn message, it was long, it was thought out, and it was straight from the heart. About 30 seconds later, I realized what I had done... There was no unsending it, that message was out. I freaked out for about 10 minutes, then I calmed down. About 20 minutes passed by and all of a sudden I get a text, from her! I was scared to read it, but figured oh well... See what she has to say. To my utter disbelief, it was a very nice message and longer than the one I sent her. It absolutley killed me inside to read, brought back all those memories of her. I didn't respond, because I was in too much shock. Definatley didn't expect any sort of reply, especially a nice one. 15 minutes later, another message, just as long as the other. Couldn't believe it. Obviously she had some bottled up emotions as well. I replied with a short but to the point message and told her goodnight. Back to NC? Who knows, but I said what I had to and I feel better. And I know how she feels. Anyway, I'm glad I broke NC and in a way it put me back to where I started. Only this time, I have a better foundation to build from. I feel like there is at least some closure. There is still that glimmer of hope that burns inside, and there's no getting rid of that. I'm just hopeful. I don't know why but I feel like we still have a chance at making things work, maybe not right now, but some day. For now, I will give her the time and space she needs to grow. Back to recovery... im right with you on this.. i even think to myself about the reply he may send.. totally does me in .. i prepare for the no then its a yes.. damn its hard.. its like a voice in your head saying send it! i have hope too and i really hope it does work out for you too.. maybe seeing my ex on monday.. im hoping distance does indeed make heart grow fonder.. hugs to you
Byren Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 omg, every one of your posts is so strikingly similar to what I've been going through of late. I've learned NC is VERY important, though I know it hurts like HELL. About a month ago my ex broke up with me and I initiated NC...as best as I could anyway, there were a few drunk texts that slipped through the radar and me playing out some "tests" over msn (leaving myself on busy until she came online and seeing if she talked or not...thank god she did, or I may have jumped out of my window =P). I became weak to facebook (like your myspace) and decided to block myself from it for a few weeks, it was for my own good. as soon as I knew that she'd changed her status back to "single" I felt horrible, but a few friends helped me realise that it was the best closure I could hope for. Until very recently I felt great, that was until my resolve broke a little and I broke no contact again with a short text message, just to make sure she was still on the planet. a little convo took place in which an "I'm sorry I was such a twat" text came from her, followed swiftly (after my reply) with a "but I'd still like to be friends" text. painful. Since then I've written out several texts and saved them to my drafts, probably never to be sent...unless alcohol has it's way I guess. Basically, I feel I would have been better off no texting her, I realise this now. I guess it's too late to tell you to stay NC, but hey. I hope the best for you dude, sounds like it could still possibly swing either way for you (given the limited info on the texts she sent you!)
replicator Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Let me start by saying, I suck at No Contact. For some reason, I was really struggling with NC last night. I kept thinking to myself, "if I never contact my ex then I'll never hear from her." I felt like she was waiting for me to say something to her. I don't know, random strange thoughts and analysis of the situation plagued me all day, and by night I was a wreck. Breaking NC was inevitable. So I grabbed my cell, went to the message I've been editing and debating sending now for the last 2 weeks. Gave it a quick read through and sent it. Yep, I sent that damn message, it was long, it was thought out, and it was straight from the heart. About 30 seconds later, I realized what I had done... There was no unsending it, that message was out. I freaked out for about 10 minutes, then I calmed down. About 20 minutes passed by and all of a sudden I get a text, from her! I was scared to read it, but figured oh well... See what she has to say. To my utter disbelief, it was a very nice message and longer than the one I sent her. It absolutley killed me inside to read, brought back all those memories of her. I didn't respond, because I was in too much shock. Definatley didn't expect any sort of reply, especially a nice one. 15 minutes later, another message, just as long as the other. Couldn't believe it. Obviously she had some bottled up emotions as well. I replied with a short but to the point message and told her goodnight. Back to NC? Who knows, but I said what I had to and I feel better. And I know how she feels. Anyway, I'm glad I broke NC and in a way it put me back to where I started. Only this time, I have a better foundation to build from. I feel like there is at least some closure. There is still that glimmer of hope that burns inside, and there's no getting rid of that. I'm just hopeful. I don't know why but I feel like we still have a chance at making things work, maybe not right now, but some day. For now, I will give her the time and space she needs to grow. Back to recovery... I feel for you man. I broke NC and sent her a short email telling her I'll always love her. 5 days later she replied in an email telling me the same thing. I could just imagine her typing it out, and the things she was saying to me. It made me feel that she still did truly love me, and that lit up that candle of hope that I had almost extinguished. It is truly painful to carry on hope. Difficult to move forward. I have chances to date others, but I can't do it, because she still holds my heart. I wrote a reply, but I've never sent it. I've made an oath that I won't hold out hope, unless she sends me another message that is unprovoked. Otherwise, I will continue down the same path as you. All we can do is give them time. As the dumpers, the option of getting back is really in their hands. Our job is to uphold NC and take care of ourselves first and foremost.
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