JustPassingThru Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Okay guys. I'm having a really hard time right now with the whole NC situation. Granted, it has only been a week. But F!!!! I can't take it anymore! I saw some pics of her on Myspace with her friends and she looks so good. Happy too... Lucky. Anyway, I saw the pictures and it just makes me want to quit the NC BS. I mean, what do I have to lose? Besides my dignity. Ohhhh... I'm so torn between what to do. I want to call her or send her a text. Something. But I just can't bring myself to do it. And even if I did, how would I approach the situation? There are a lot of positive things going on my life right now, and she would normally be the first one I would tell. Why is life so complicated? At least if I do contact her, I won't be left wondering anymore. I'll either know if she cares, or if she has already moved on. Chances are, she has moved on. Help....
Exl Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I have a hard time with NC too, and often break it, although I try not to do in in any invasive or clingy way. However, by all means, you should keep it on, if you can.
kizik Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Look man, I've been doing NC for two weeks. It hurts like nothing I've ever felt. But you know what would hurt more? To hear her happy voice. Happy without me. To know she's doing fine. If you want to torture yourself and set yourself back some healing time, call her. Go ahead. NOTHING GOOD CAN COME OF IT.
kizik Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I mean, what do I have to lose? Besides my dignity. Exactly. Your dignity is no small thing. Please do not give her the power to sh*t on you, she will do it if you give her that chance.
foxh1234 Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Look man, I've been doing NC for two weeks. It hurts like nothing I've ever felt. But you know what would hurt more? To hear her happy voice. Happy without me. To know she's doing fine. If you want to torture yourself and set yourself back some healing time, call her. Go ahead. NOTHING GOOD CAN COME OF IT. Agreed. I have been doing NC for 37-38 days I've stopped counting. All contact will do is set you back. She knows how to get in touch with you if she wants to and she hasn't. I for one will not chase someone who doesn't want to be with me. It is a losing battle man. Up until a week ago, I wanted to talk to her everyday, but I thought to myself, what do I have to say to her ? She has moved on and I have to do the same. As hard as it is, do not contact her. It will hurt you and boost her self esteem. Not contacting her helps you heal and builds your self esteem.It's a no brainer man.
sid3 Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 and of course when she doesn't reply we will all be here so you can tell us how god awful you feel. Dignity is the one thing they cannot take, why give it away, and btw, you can never get it back.
Author JustPassingThru Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 Yeah, you all have valid points. I don't know what the hell my deal is. Why would I want to contact someone who want's nothing to do with me? WTF!?!?!? I'm still in a state of disbelief/denial. I just don't understand how it goes from, "I Love You/ I Miss You" one day to "I can't do this anymore" the next. I miss her so much, it literally feel like my chest is on fire right now. I'm constantly trying to keep my mind on other things, but as most of you know, it's damn near impossible. Honestly, I don't know what my deal is and why I want to talk to her so bad. I'm too hopefull. The truth is staring me in the face and I refuse to accept it. I want to be strong. I want to forget. But something inside won't let me let go.
Exl Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Yeah, you all have valid points. I don't know what the hell my deal is. Why would I want to contact someone who want's nothing to do with me? WTF!?!?!? I'm still in a state of disbelief/denial. I just don't understand how it goes from, "I Love You/ I Miss You" one day to "I can't do this anymore" the next. I miss her so much, it literally feel like my chest is on fire right now. I'm constantly trying to keep my mind on other things, but as most of you know, it's damn near impossible. Honestly, I don't know what my deal is and why I want to talk to her so bad. I'm too hopefull. The truth is staring me in the face and I refuse to accept it. I want to be strong. I want to forget. But something inside won't let me let go. You sound like me
replicator Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I did the same thing. I said screw NC, and my dignity, I know she loves but I just need to wake her up.. I tried and it just pushed her away. In a sense though, it helped me move on because it hurt so much, that feel anxiety when I think about even contacting her again. When love is lost, it is lost. You can't win it back like in Hollywood dramas. It is also true that your dignity is a precious thing. Still, all the people told me the same thing, but I had to learn it for myself. hang in there
kizik Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I just don't understand how it goes from, "I Love You/ I Miss You" one day to "I can't do this anymore" the next. I'm starting to realize that love is just a feeling. America and pop culture tells us that true love is forever, and cannot be broken. Well, it's broken all the time, and not always for reasons we can understand. Love is not automatically, inherently infinite. It takes work - every day - and if one partner isn't willing to do the work, or simply can't, or just happens to suddenly feel differently - it ceases to exist (for them). So much of heartbreak involves the expectations we have put into relationships to be "infinite," but the reality is that being "in love" ends when one person can't or won't uphold their responsibility in the relationship. We've built love up so much in this culture, and romanticized it to the point of unrealism. That's a big problem, I think, when reality simply does not allow for love sometimes. Ed: Not bad for post #200! Congrats to me.
motive2002 Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I saw some pics of her on Myspace Consider your NC period to include not looking at her MySpace. It can do as much damage as contacting her in a way. Maybe even more damage. Seeing them happy and carefree without you in their life will hurt. You don't want to know how they're doing. Don't look at the MySpace. Just my 2 cents.
Author JustPassingThru Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 Consider your NC period to include not looking at her MySpace. It can do as much damage as contacting her in a way. Maybe even more damage. Seeing them happy and carefree without you in their life will hurt. You don't want to know how they're doing. Don't look at the MySpace. Just my 2 cents. It was quite accidental actually. I happened to be skimming through a mutual friends Myspace. Yes, we share all the same friends, I hate it. Anyways, I'm skimming through, and there she is, looking better than ever. I nearly fell over. That in turn sparked my yearning to call her. Instead, I turned to all of you. Stupid Myspace, Stupid pictures, Stupid me... The urge to call her is still flowing through me like I can't explain. I'm going to the gym. Hopefully I can release some of those urges. By the way, you're all awsome. Loveshack is like my support team. It's kept me from doing anything stupid thus far.
motive2002 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I had those urges today.. and I'm almost 2 months NC! I wanted so badly to tell her that it was no hard feelings, and that I wasn't ignoring her because I moved on so easily, yadda yadda etc. It would do me no damn good to speak to her. No damn good whatsoever! Just have to remember that.
LikeCharlotte Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I had those urges today.. and I'm almost 2 months NC! I wanted so badly to tell her that it was no hard feelings, and that I wasn't ignoring her because I moved on so easily, yadda yadda etc. It would do me no damn good to speak to her. No damn good whatsoever! Just have to remember that. I've been thinking that way for days and talked myself down over and over. I also am feeling physical anxiety every time I think of it. My heart races and it takes several minutes to calm down. That is definitely another sign of regression. I was doing fine and now I have a new symptom. I've had to remind myself a million times that he doesn't want to talk to me or he would. It is absolute agony. No amount of distraction (and believe me I am trying) is working.
arian_ma Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 It was quite accidental actually. I happened to be skimming through a mutual friends Myspace. Yes, we share all the same friends, I hate it. Anyways, I'm skimming through, and there she is, looking better than ever. I nearly fell over. That in turn sparked my yearning to call her. Instead, I turned to all of you. Stupid Myspace, Stupid pictures, Stupid me... The urge to call her is still flowing through me like I can't explain. I'm going to the gym. Hopefully I can release some of those urges. By the way, you're all awsome. Loveshack is like my support team. It's kept me from doing anything stupid thus far. Just so you know, I broke 5 weeks of NC today and boy of ****ING boy do I regret it. I started talking to her, asked her if it was a bad time, she said she would call me later, I asked her if she was with her new boyfriend, she said yes. Man that felt bleeding great!! Now I gotta deal with that AND her calling me. Don't do it man, it is just not worth it.
orangehose Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I'm starting to realize that love is just a feeling. America and pop culture tells us that true love is forever, and cannot be broken. Well, it's broken all the time, and not always for reasons we can understand. Love is not automatically, inherently infinite. It takes work - every day - and if one partner isn't willing to do the work, or simply can't, or just happens to suddenly feel differently - it ceases to exist (for them). So much of heartbreak involves the expectations we have put into relationships to be "infinite," but the reality is that being "in love" ends when one person can't or won't uphold their responsibility in the relationship. We've built love up so much in this culture, and romanticized it to the point of unrealism. That's a big problem, I think, when reality simply does not allow for love sometimes. Ed: Not bad for post #200! Congrats to me. Profound. I am copy-pasting this into my diary. I do think our lifespans are too long these days for 'till death do us part'.
jadedone Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 When you give someone the "All or nothing" ultimatum you gonna get nothing.
Exl Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 When you give someone the "All or nothing" ultimatum you gonna get nothing. That's generally true. Unless you can really be sure otherwise.
0hpenelope Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Mm... Okay, JPT. You go on ahead and break NC if you know that it will only do you a world of good. There is also no such thing as "I can't." I don't use the word 'hate' lightly (ie. "I hate the flavor of ___" or "I hate it when people are like ___"), so when I say I hate the words "I can't," I mean it. Unless you "can't" do something because you're seriously going to drop dead if you keep it up or you're really physically incapacitated or you're really, honestly not ready to do something (which is quite okay if this is the case...), "I can't" is just as loaded as saying "I quit." But... I don't want to be a hypocrite. I say it's the person's choice and I mean it. So JPT, breaking NC is on you. Do what you should do that will help you heal and if breaking NC is it, then break it.
Author JustPassingThru Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 After debating it for the last few hours and spending way too long at the gym, I decided not to give in. You're comments actually played a large role as well. I do want to contact her, but then the logical side kicks in and thinks of what would come of it. It's definitley not the outcome I'd prefer. At least I can keep my dignity for today. Not sure how I'll feel tomorrow though. As for tonight, I'm turning off my cell, and keeping it away. Another night alone...
justine4 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Well done JPT. I'm in exactly the same position and its HELL!! (I wish that was an understatement but it isn't). We finished 5 weeks ago and the problem is he had a habit of saying things, then regretting them (his explaination was "you know how I am sometimes, I can be difficicult, and I say things I don't mean"). Normally I'd talk to him and settle things down, but the last time I didn't. I told him I'm not going to and he can't keep on saying things and then not meaning them. Therefore, on the (VERY GOOD) advice of fellow LS'rs I tried NC. He didn't. He'd text me with updates about how his mum was doing (she is v. sick) and always asked how I was doing. Anytime I asked how he was doing, he was doing great! (I know him better than to believe thats true, but bravado is a 'great' thing) Anyway, I went NC completely from myside from last week. I guess, if he is going to get the idea through of missing me, and coming to his senses (yes, I'm one of 'those' people who want NC to work, not to get over him, but for him to realise how much he misses me). I know exactly the position you're in JPT. The way I am trying to look at it is one day at a time. Resist for another day. Then the next etc... I think the complete lack of any control is hard too, but I'm also trying to look at it that NC really is a way of regaining a little bit of that control, as the other person has the ball in their court...
tealeafbud Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 After debating it for the last few hours and spending way too long at the gym, I decided not to give in. You're comments actually played a large role as well. I do want to contact her, but then the logical side kicks in and thinks of what would come of it. It's definitley not the outcome I'd prefer. At least I can keep my dignity for today. Not sure how I'll feel tomorrow though. As for tonight, I'm turning off my cell, and keeping it away. Another night alone... nice job JPT. If you can be strong, I can be strong. Your post actually helped me not contact me ex too. I've felt like that today. Tahnks.
traveller991 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Hi: I have been going through Hell also since the end of January. Long distance relationship ended by ex-bf stopping calling for no reason. Last thing he said to me was "I'll call you toorrow darling" and that was it. I ran into him in April when I was in his town and we exchanged a few words wherein he said I had stopped calling him so he had broken off with me. Go figure. Anyway I got an email today from the hotel where I stay down there and he had gone there this morning and told them he had lost my phone number (deleted it, most likely) so they actually gave him my email address as he said he wanted to call me. Nothing yet and I have absolutely no idea what the H he wants. It's almost like they have radar and know when you're getting over it as this week was the best week yet, forgetting about him for hours at a time (what a relief), actually making it into the kitchen in the morning and making my tea before I remembered and then ... this. Now I've been upset all day wondering what he wants. If they don't want you why can't they just leave you ALONE?????
0hpenelope Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 If they don't want you why can't they just leave you ALONE????? This is a mind f**k that we don't need. Really. It's no use thinking about these things and it sucks that we know that, yet we still think it. When this kind of thinking starts up in your mind again, I think it helps to keep this in mind: I can wonder about all these things but the fact of the matter is, this person has still chosen to not be with me. And that's all that matters.
roghornio Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 The urge to call her is still flowing through me like I can't explain. I'm going to the gym. Hopefully I can release some of those urges. OPen up a blank word doucment and write out what you want to say... then read it back... i bet once it;'s out and you see how rubbish the chat is youll bin it... Really... what have you got to say? what will you get from it? Put yourself in her shoes... after all this time, what will she think when she reads it? Why waste your time on someone who saw you as the disposible option?!
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