D-Lish Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I met a guy through POF almost two years ago. At the time he was leaving to do some post doctoral work across the sea- so we just continued to talk on msn- facebook, etc. He came back a month ago and we met for dinner and a movie for the first time. I felt nothin-nada- fo shizzle:eek: I def see the two of us being friends- he is interesting and smart. I felt no chemistry though. It's such a disappointment! To talk to someone for so long, have the anticipation build up... and then meet and feel nothing. I had seen millions of pics and had an equal amount of conversations.... I thought for sure we would have been more compatible. Oh well- back to the drawing board!
blind_otter Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I don't remember where I read this, but I do remember reading somewhere that you should meet someone IRL that you met online ASAP because things tend to fizzle more the longer you wait from when you meet them online to when you meet them IRL.
Cov Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 It's quite a mystery how someone as pretty and intellectual as yourself cannot find a decent man to settle down with. It gives the rest of us mere average folk a slim chance. Secondly, why don't you use other means to meet men then just the internet?
Nemo Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 At the time he was leaving to do some post doctoral work across the sea- It's well known that academics totally lack charisma. The two things are mutually exclusive. Next time you will know. Oh well, it sounds like it was a pleasant night out.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Aww sorry to hear that... but no worries, you've probably got men lining up to date you. Cheer up!
Cov Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Aww sorry to hear that... but no worries, you've probably got men lining up to date you. Cheer up! It's all about quality, not quantity.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I def see the two of us being friends- he is interesting and smart. I felt no chemistry though. Interesting... what caused the lack of chemistry? Was he unattractive?
Pyro Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I met a guy through POF almost two years ago. At the time he was leaving to do some post doctoral work across the sea- so we just continued to talk on msn- facebook, etc. He came back a month ago and we met for dinner and a movie for the first time. I felt nothin-nada- fo shizzle:eek: I def see the two of us being friends- he is interesting and smart. I felt no chemistry though. It's such a disappointment! To talk to someone for so long, have the anticipation build up... and then meet and feel nothing. I had seen millions of pics and had an equal amount of conversations.... I thought for sure we would have been more compatible. Oh well- back to the drawing board! So sorry to hear that, but you have the right attitude about it. Better luck next time.
Jilly Bean Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Well D, at least we all know it's not like you've been sitting home every SAT night for the past two years waiting on him. Doncha know... Sometimes fantasy is better left as such, don't you think? Pyro - unrelated, but I see you are still residing at the Souplantation. When I went to meet the ballers family a few weeks ago, we all went one day for lunch while we were out running errands. FABULOUS!!! (sorry for the brief hijack, D).
Pyro Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Pyro - unrelated, but I see you are still residing at the Souplantation. When I went to meet the ballers family a few weeks ago, we all went one day for lunch while we were out running errands. FABULOUS!!! (sorry for the brief hijack, D). Did he pay or did he make you pay? Did you get any balloon animals? OK, back on topic.
Trialbyfire Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Part of it is how realistic you are with the build up. Chemistry is a funny thing. For some people, it's more physical, for others, it's more emotional and intellectual.
Nemo Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Chemistry is a funny thing. Not if you get an F. Although everybody else had a good laugh.
Tomcat33 Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Always meet right away D-lish chemistry is a weird thing you just can't put your finger on it, it's either there or it is not no matter HOW GREAT a connection you have on paper. Online dating serves a purpose but it throws our instinctual tendencies completely out of whack and it is not about being superficial it is just that chemistry has to happen through all the senses not just the mind. Eyes, ears and smell play a HUGE part in determining chemistry along with the intellect. sorry it didn't work out.
Author D-Lish Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 No balloon animals! And he bought the movie and I bought the coffee before hand. He's attractive enough- just a tad bit expressionless... I'm pretty animated, and enjoy an evening full of belly laughs. And people are right- you can't put your ginger on chemistry- it's either there or it isn't... and it wasn't for me! Within 2 minutes I had put him in the "friend" catagory... We spent 5 hours together- and it was comfortable- no butterflies, no spark though. Well, at least I am moving forward with dating older, more stable men (and not boys!). Regardless- I had a good time- and it's nice to just hang with someone and have a good conversation.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 No balloon animals! And he bought the movie and I bought the coffee before hand. He's attractive enough- just a tad bit expressionless... I'm pretty animated, and enjoy an evening full of belly laughs. I understand! Any chance he was just nervous? And people are right- you can't put your ginger on chemistry- it's either there or it isn't... and it wasn't for me! Within 2 minutes I had put him in the "friend" catagory... We spent 5 hours together- and it was comfortable- no butterflies, no spark though. In reality, chemistry is a lot easier than most people think. You have to understand that there are different types of chemistry. I create chemistry, so can you. Not that you should in this case... you should just keep in the back of your mind that it's something you control. Well, at least I am moving forward with dating older, more stable men (and not boys!). Regardless- I had a good time- and it's nice to just hang with someone and have a good conversation. That is a step in the right direction.
Author D-Lish Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 I understand! Any chance he was just nervous? Yes, he was a bit nervous. Couldn't make eye contact for more then a second or two before averting his gaze... Confidence is one thing I find sexy... and it seemed to be lacking here. In reality, chemistry is a lot easier than most people think. You have to understand that there are different types of chemistry. Friendship chemistry was def there- we have a lot in common. I tried really hard to wrap my head around the idea of dating him because I think he'd be a great bf to a lucky girl... but I just didn't feel it. *sigh*. Maybe it's one of those wait and see things? I am not sure. I have never ended up developing feelings for someone down the road- I usually feel it at first, or it never happens for me. Anyway- I'd like to keep him as a friend. That's a subject I will have to broach with him. He sent me an e-mail last night when he got home and told me he hoped I had as good a time as he did. I guess there is no easy way around it- I will have to say something to him about this, and hope he will be amenable to the idea of friendship.
Cov Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Yes, he was a bit nervous. Couldn't make eye contact for more then a second or two before averting his gaze... Confidence is one thing I find sexy... and it seemed to be lacking here. Maybe you intimidated him, I know the most confident of men who lose their confidence around women who they find intimidating, you should take this into consideration.
Jilly Bean Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 D - it's like when I went out with Dr, Poo Breath. He was SO wonderful on paper, but in person, whoa. Just wasn't going to cut it. FWIW, sometimes on a hot day when the Santa Ana's are blowing, I can still smell that breath. It's haunting! lol
Author D-Lish Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 D - it's like when I went out with Dr, Poo Breath. He was SO wonderful on paper, but in person, whoa. Just wasn't going to cut it. FWIW, sometimes on a hot day when the Santa Ana's are blowing, I can still smell that breath. It's haunting! lol Hahahaha:eek: Some things you just can't force!! You're right though- people that look good on paper don't always make the grade in person. Ahhh, Dr. Poop- I forgot about him!
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Yes, he was a bit nervous. Couldn't make eye contact for more then a second or two before averting his gaze... Confidence is one thing I find sexy... and it seemed to be lacking here. Be careful making snap judgments here. What makes a man confident around you? What makes him nervous? Does that match the character traits you are looking for in a man? Friendship chemistry was def there- we have a lot in common. I tried really hard to wrap my head around the idea of dating him because I think he'd be a great bf to a lucky girl... but I just didn't feel it. *sigh*. As much as I'm against choosing our dates by feeling alone. I'm also against not using your natural gut indicators. Too many things about this guys scream passive. Maybe it's one of those wait and see things? I am not sure. I have never ended up developing feelings for someone down the road- I usually feel it at first, or it never happens for me. Anyway- I'd like to keep him as a friend. That's a subject I will have to broach with him. He sent me an e-mail last night when he got home and told me he hoped I had as good a time as he did. I guess there is no easy way around it- I will have to say something to him about this, and hope he will be amenable to the idea of friendship. Hopefully he will be straightforward with you!
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I say go with the friend thing. You could end up with a great person in your life, and who knows who HE knows? Maybe someone you DO have great chemistry with! I went on a date recently with a really great guy. Smart, funny, good head on his shoulders, but.....no chemistry. We have stayed in touch, and he is going to have a bbq soon. I'm sure he has cool friends, and maybe one of my friends will "feel" it for him, who knows.
Citizen Erased Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 How was he in bed, D? Without a doubt, he should be a friend. If it's just not "it", it's never going to be. I forgot about Dr Poo Breath!
MJR Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I have the impression that you get yourself hooked up on credentials first, D. More so than other things.... Love is never calculated. It's rudely surprising most pleasantly.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I have the impression that you get yourself hooked up on credentials first, D. More so than other things.... Love is never calculated. It's rudely surprising most pleasantly. Well at least D didn't invest too emotionally into it. We all know she's a smart girl, and knows what she wants.
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