Angel1111 Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 I think if you're having serious problems and need to go to counseling BEFORE marriage, don't even waste your time. I can save you a trip to divorce court, it's not going to get any better. She was completely unreasonable about this and apparently thinks she has the right to tell you what to do. You should never have to ask permission to do anything. It should be more like the two of you consulting with one another out of mutual respect. In this situation, something along the lines of, "I've decided that I've had too much to drink and I had better stay here for the night. I hope that's not going to screw up any plans for tomorrow," would've been fine. Maybe, out of concern, it would be good to add, "Are you going to be ok for one night, babe?" Marriage does not mean possession.
Trialbyfire Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Ha...I just posted in your other thread about potential other issues that causes your current issues and now I see that Angel has responded to this older thread. I shouldn't have been lazy to not check your back history. I agree your fiancée is controlling and reacts like a child. Her first concern should have been your safety for drinking and driving. If she really was a caring person, she would offer to drive. This way, she could make certain you got home safely. More than anything, since this is a one off situation of getting tanked and not wanting to go home, she should be more trusting of you and not setting up ridiculous curfews. You realize though that you're equally responsible. Don't agree to something unreasonable and then attempt to renegotiate afterwards.
Angel1111 Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 We actually tried it for a while, but we fought more after each session. I would explain my position and she would agree with the me during the session and then have at me once we got in the car. I did mention to her today that we need to talk to someone. She said she would go. The stance I'm taking right now is: I'm living my life how I see fit. I'm not a drunk. I don't do drugs. I have absolutly no intention on cheating on her. I just want to do guy things from time to time and not have the one I love mad at me or upset. When I say I'm going on a fishing trip in a month and I need to stay near the dock. So I'm going to leave the night before and stay at a hotel. I shouldn't get a rash of crap because of the way I asked and If I cared about her feelings I would ask it in a different way. Its a deversion from the real issue, which is I'm leaveing and she will do anything to keep from going. In a healthy relationship it should be easy. I'm going on a fishing trip in a month... cool have a good time. I agree with Trialbyfire, stop agreeing to unreasonable things and then try to negotiate it with her later. It's just making things worse. But, the truth is, you've got a serious problem on your hands with her and I think you know it. You should be able to go out with your buddies without a dark cloud hanging over your head. I will bet that if the two of you marry, you'll be divorced within 3 yrs. And maybe have a child by then to really complicate things. Do yourself a favor and don't go down this road. But, I will warn you that as soon as she picks up on the wavelength that you want out, don't sleep with her anymore because women who are very controlling (which she is) will often plan things so that they will get pregnant. Just a heads up. It happened to someone I know and now he's miserably married. If you think it will be messy to break up with her now, just think about how much worse it will be later on. But you'll do it because you'll want out that badly.
angryyoungman70 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Surf, listen to what the other posters are saying. It is all true. Married (mostly miserable) 14 years, and I NO LONGER SEE ANY OF MY FRIENDS. The last time I tried to get together with my group of friends (first time in over a year) I was so bloody miserable and did not have any fun, as I was conciously watching the clock and berating the "socialization restrictions" that my wife felt obligated to convey to me prior to my 1.5 hours of "recreational drinking". None of these guys even call me anymore. They have given up on me.
mental_traveller Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 To answer your question about "I didn't invite her correctly": There is a back story, a huge back story. I have always given in to her when she protestes me doing things that would be overnight, including business trips. She has "allowed me" to do "approved" activities. Do you want to be a man or a slave? Cmon, this woman is *way* too controlling. Your life will degenerate into a living hell over the years, you will lose your friends and become one of those "broken men" that everyone sniggers about - totally under the thumb of your henpecking wife. If this is what you want then go for it.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 27, 2008 Posted July 27, 2008 Surf, listen to what the other posters are saying. It is all true. Married (mostly miserable) 14 years, and I NO LONGER SEE ANY OF MY FRIENDS. The last time I tried to get together with my group of friends (first time in over a year) I was so bloody miserable and did not have any fun, as I was conciously watching the clock and berating the "socialization restrictions" that my wife felt obligated to convey to me prior to my 1.5 hours of "recreational drinking". None of these guys even call me anymore. They have given up on me. I'm wondering, AYM70, why you don't do something that addresses the very obvious anger and discontent you have with your marriage? Mr. Lucky
angryyoungman70 Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I'm wondering, AYM70, why you don't do something that addresses the very obvious anger and discontent you have with your marriage? Mr. Lucky In the process of that. Being a good actor and feigning "happiness" to your spouse can only last so long.
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