OWoman Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I don't regard it as "prudish" quite frankly I regard it as professional. Private matters really should stay in the private sphere. I would be very uncomfortable in an office situation where women/men are talking about their intimate lives. I would tend to regard them as untrustworthy. I prefer to keep my life compartmentalised, but have a knack of turning very direct, probing questions around so that the questioner lands up talking about themselves instead, which serves me well in such situations. Given MM's profile in our field I also would not want to speak "out of the house" since we're openly a couple and people would automatically assume that anything I said related to him.
Tomcat33 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 . (I also find it odd that you and TC regard these kinds of conversations as unusual - perhaps they are in your countries, but around here they're as normal as discussing what was on tv the night before. And, of course, in mixed gender company, rather than "only women".) I don't know why but that's how it is in Canada, it's not like I live in bum-fck nowhere either I live in the most cosmopolitan city of the country but in my experience people don't have open discussions about infidelity, not at work not anywhere I frequent really. With my friends yes but that's about it.. Actually the other day my boss was telling me about someone that used to work for us in sales and brought up the fact that the guy left his w and married his OW and I wanted to know more and tried to continue the chat on that wavelength but she continued on quickly and move on to her main point which was he was a good sales man but would stop at nothing to close a sale. But then she said he would sell his own mother if he had to...needless to say he no longer works at our work (no guff ) Here in the Deep South, a woman can get a bad reputation mighty quick airing such thoughts with one's co-workers, whether the co-workers are male or female. Of course, men can talk all day long about who they'd like to "do" and it doesn't hurt them. Somewhat same here, in my last job I was out for lunch in a group and we were talking about facebook the whole craze had just hit and one of the married women was describing some connection on facebook with some hottie to which I asked but aren't you married? and she said yeah but not dead I can still flirt with men on facebook and she proceeded to go on about how hot he was etc. and she'd see him at her sister's stagette etc. Well the men didn't say much and I asked them do you guys do the same, sit there and flirt with hotties? and one made a joke about another guy saying "no X's W won't let him join" and the talk quickly turned to teasing that one co-worker about his w having him by the cojones. IT seems people will scratch the surface but will NOT delve into serious talk about infidelity, still quite taboo it seems. Maybe 'cause everyone is doing it and it hits a nerve I don't regard it as "prudish" quite frankly I regard it as professional. Private matters really should stay in the private sphere. I would be very uncomfortable in an office situation where women/men are talking about their intimate lives. I would tend to regard them as untrustworthy. OE Yeah never mind talking about a particular person's intimacies but even talking in a more abstract form of the idea of infidelity I find people resist the topic all together...
OWoman Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 IT seems people will scratch the surface but will NOT delve into serious talk about infidelity, still quite taboo it seems. Maybe 'cause everyone is doing it and it hits a nerve Depends which stats you believe, I guess...
frannie Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 I thought Dominique's response to this was extremely well-stated. I don't know my co-worker very well, but I did ask her if she was trying to get some sort of revenge on the OW and she said no. I guess the MM has been flirting with her and in other cases when MM have hit on her, she ignores them, but since she knows the situation with this MM she has no problem with it because she says she wouldn't feel any guilt. Then I asked about the child and she told me that he has 2 kids with his ex wife and the kids are just fine after the divorce. The fact that she so easily dismissed any possible impact on the child suggests to me that she's simply attempting to justify her intentions to mess around with this MM. Wife doesn't matter because she was herself an OW previously, good grief. Presumably if they ever got together her marriage could be similarly dismissed by potential-W number four?
John Who Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 What is the difference with this women wanting to screw this MM and any other OW out there who know's a man is married and is still willing to shack up in bed with him Sorry but I see no difference.Wheather it is wrong or not does'nt matter all A's are wrong but they still happen. Does this women who is M to MM deserve to be cheated on,some will agree and some will disagree,obviously the women in question thinks new W is deserving of getting cheated on.
Lookingforward Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 What is the difference with this women wanting to screw this MM and any other OW out there who know's a man is married and is still willing to shack up in bed with him Sorry but I see no difference.Wheather it is wrong or not does'nt matter all A's are wrong but they still happen. Does this women who is M to MM deserve to be cheated on,some will agree and some will disagree,obviously the women in question thinks new W is deserving of getting cheated on. I think there IS a difference between falling in love with someone who happens to be married ( whether you follow through on those feelings or not) and deliberately setting out to be involved (if possible) with someone you know is married. All As being wrong is a very subjective viewpoint.
Tomcat33 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Does this women who is M to MM deserve to be cheated on No no one "deserves" to be cheated on, it's up to the WS if they will cheat on the spouse or not. Because this woman could have as many tricks up her sleeve as a magician in a circus act but if the MP knows his place and is faithful she will be left with an armful of doves and possibly bird poop and that's all she'll get.
Tomcat33 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 There are a ton of drug dealers that circle our streets does that mean you have to buy drugs?
John Who Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Well I see no difference, besides are you saying that it is ok to sleep with a MP just as long as you are in love with them. Sorry but A's do not start off with the two people being in love with each other. Again what is the difference with this woman wanting too shack up with this MM because she feels his new bride deserves it,and another OW wanting to shack up with the MM because his W has let herself go,or she's abusive,she's a bitch ,he's not happy,so I guess she deserves it,or in much nicer words the A is ok because he's not happy anyway and plus we're in love . Once again I see no difference,so we can agree to disagree.
John Who Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 No you can just say no to drugs, plus their are ton's of single men/women out there also does that mean you have to go for a MP?
Lookingforward Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Sorry but A's do not start off with the two people being in love with each other. quote] maybe not in your case, but that doesn't make it true for all
John Who Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 So you are saying you see MP and BAM we're in love,you got to that point some how whether it was conversating,flirting etc,etc. Did not just come across MP and whoa we are in love. Sure you can fall in love with them eventually,but by then you are either having a EA or PA.
Tomcat33 Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 No you can just say no to drugs, plus their are ton's of single men/women out there also does that mean you have to go for a MP? WEll if you can say no to drugs, even those that would make you feel SPECTACULAR then you can say no to having an A. It's the married person's responsibility to advance on temptation or reject it the MP has the commitment NOT the OP. AND infact, a LOT of cases I know the MP was the one that pursued the A not the OW/OM. A lot of WS pursue affairs AGRESSIVELY or course it was still the responsibility of the OP to say no but unlike what you said As do start of with love plenty times. Sorry but A's do not start off with the two people being in love with each other OF COURSE they do! You have no clue about affairs if you think that all affairs DON'T start with love or the feelings OF.
Lookingforward Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 So you are saying you see MP and BAM we're in love,you got to that point some how whether it was conversating,flirting etc,etc. Did not just come across MP and whoa we are in love. Sure you can fall in love with them eventually,but by then you are either having a EA or PA. no, I'm saying that blanket statements like yours are often untrue
OWoman Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 their are ton's of single men/women out there also does that mean you have to go for a MP? There are tons of stones out there too, but I still prefer to eat bread rather than stones. There are tons of binoculars out there too, I'd still rather drive a car than a pair of binoculars. There are masses of blankets, but I'd rather read a book than a blanket. Your argument doesn't make a whole bunch of sense. What difference does it make if there's a ton of other stuff out there, if the other stuff is not suitable for your intended purpose? If you've fallen in love with a particular person, arguing that there are other people out there is equivalent to suggesting that someone eat a stone instead of a piece of bread. Equally inappropriate, equally incomprehensible, equally incomprehending.
frannie Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 What is the difference with this women wanting to screw this MM and any other OW out there who know's a man is married and is still willing to shack up in bed with him Sorry but I see no difference.Wheather it is wrong or not does'nt matter all A's are wrong but they still happen. Does this women who is M to MM deserve to be cheated on,some will agree and some will disagree,obviously the women in question thinks new W is deserving of getting cheated on. Well I see no difference, besides are you saying that it is ok to sleep with a MP just as long as you are in love with them. Sorry but A's do not start off with the two people being in love with each other. Again what is the difference with this woman wanting too shack up with this MM because she feels his new bride deserves it,and another OW wanting to shack up with the MM because his W has let herself go,or she's abusive,she's a bitch ,he's not happy,so I guess she deserves it,or in much nicer words the A is ok because he's not happy anyway and plus we're in love . Once again I see no difference,so we can agree to disagree. I agree with you JW. I see no difference either between the woman in the OP and women who claim it's OK to be in an affair because the W 'deserves it' for whatever reason. They're all justifying their behaviour one way or another. And I agree to a degree that when someone gets involved with a MP there is a point before you're really involved with them, when there's no love or real attachment and you could/should walk away. I think the only difference (supposedly) in this story is that there's apparently nothing more than sexual attraction and the intent to go out to bag a MM, which is fairly distasteful to most readers. But we don't really know the ins and outs of this, since it's not the potential OW who is posting. What people say in public in bravado and what they actually feel can be two different things (not that I think she has any deep feelings or connection with this man, from what's been said!).
GreenEyedLady Posted June 5, 2008 Posted June 5, 2008 No no one "deserves" to be cheated on, it's up to the WS if they will cheat on the spouse or not. Because this woman could have as many tricks up her sleeve as a magician in a circus act but if the MP knows his place and is faithful she will be left with an armful of doves and possibly bird poop and that's all she'll get. This is so right on TC! We can all argue what is wrong or right, but what really matters is what the MM does...He could stay faithful or he could cheat...He has the same choice as every other married person out there... Stay faithful or cheat... It all depends on his level of love, happiness and contentment with his partner...
OWoman Posted June 6, 2008 Posted June 6, 2008 We can all argue what is wrong or right, but what really matters is what the MM does...He could stay faithful or he could cheat...He has the same choice as every other married person out there... Stay faithful or cheat... Absolutely - if there were any absolute predictors of these things, there'd be no infidelity.
Recommended Posts