backtomarket Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Going through divorce. I have been with the same man since the age of 19 and I am now 31. He was my first, and I thought he would be my last. Met a cute boy who is one year younger than I am. We felt attracted to each other right away. Embarrassed to say, but I met him at a bar. His group and mine somehow ended up hanging out together. Had a blast and ended up kissing. Since I am still going through divorce (trying to sell the house and split stuff), I told him I couldn't see him. He begged and gave me his phone number. I also liked him, so caved in and ended up emailing him. We met up again last Friday and kissed more. It was great! My soon-to-be-ex-husband rarely kissed me, and I felt alive. He said he couldn't wait to see me again and suggested we meet again this Thursday, not if sooner. Ok, here are the questions: 1. I do not want to have sex with him yet. Not until divorce becomes official. It means we may have to wait 5 or more months. Is this normal? I waited 8 months with my husband to have sex. Even if I were single, I would not want to have sex with anybody until I feel like I know the person. Is it too old-fashioned? Do people have sex after the third or fourth date? 2. I do not want a boyfriend. Maybe, I do...not sure. All I know is that I am so sick and tired of being in the relationship. I now think marriage is overrated and want to live by myself forever. How do people communite or hint to each other in regards to wanting to someone's boyfriend or girlfriend? Will he say that he wants to officially go out with me and to be my boyfriend? If he mentions nothing, is it safe to assume we are not "dating" or being "exclusive"? Any other tips would be welcome too. I've been off the market so long that I don't know what I am supposed to do, I guess.
BrooklynBridge Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Is it too old-fashioned? Do people have sex after the third or fourth date? Yes, it is an old fashioned outlook, but nothing wrong with that. And yes, some people have sex after the third or fourth date, depending on the dynamic between the two people. Oh and alcohol! lol 2. I do not want a boyfriend. Maybe, I do...not sure. All I know is that I am so sick and tired of being in the relationship. I now think marriage is overrated and want to live by myself forever. How do people communite or hint to each other in regards to wanting to someone's boyfriend or girlfriend? Will he say that he wants to officially go out with me and to be my boyfriend? If he mentions nothing, is it safe to assume we are not "dating" or being "exclusive"? You're getting way ahead of yourself, but that will just happen. It follows once you're exclusive with the person and when you know you don't need to overtly make plans with the person for weekend and expect to see each other that's a pretty good indicator. Any other tips would be welcome too. I've been off the market so long that I don't know what I am supposed to do, I guess. Enjoy yourself!! I personally don't think you need to wait till the ink is dry to go out and have sex or whatever. It's obvious the marriage is over, so have fun and welcome back to the world!!
Author backtomarket Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 Update: Ok, I am a total newbie on the market and need your advice. So, I have gone out with him over a month. I've gotten really attached to him emotionally and thought he felt the same way about me too. Everything was peachy until last Friday, but then he went missing over the weekend. He always responded to my text right away, but no response this time and did not return my call. I started worrying about him because he went rock climing over the weekend, so I emailed on Monday morning asking if he was alright. See the response I got below......his email made me realize that he also liked me - at least that's how I interpreted - and the very thought got me very excited. Because I started feeling like I was falling in love with him. My friends told me that I should not jump to another replationship right away, but I also realized that I was not wired to play the field. I emailed him right away telling him how much I liked him and it was not a fling. That I saw us in a long term relationship. He did not call that night. Got me more worried. I texted him; hey drama king, sad you did not call tonight. guess you need more time. please know that i am still glad we met. best wishes". He texted me back, ":( I know. I am such a dumbass when it comes to these things. can I still call you?" For some reason, I panicked. I got really nervous and found myself crying. I felt very confused and did not know what he would tell me, so I texted him back saying basically let's talk another time. We talked today while I was at work. He basically told me that all his friends - even the ones who met me - told him that I was on a serious rebound and he was just a fling to me. It was upsetting that he was more willing to listen to buddies than me. I told him how I felt, but soon realized that I couldn't change his thought. I said, is this our good-by call then? he said, no I just want to give you a break and I also need to take easy and need a break from you. Now, WTF does that mean????? Did I just get dumped??????? Sxxxx, I just turned on my computer to write you and i have been meaning to call you for the past couple of days. I've had a very interesting weekend with mxxx. We decided to head to Leavenworth area to climb and camped out. I think he wanted to leave civilisation more than me I think and it was his intent to try and leave his drama behind and talk about his problems. You see, I don't think you know, but Mxxx has a son that is going on 4 right now. He lives at his mom's place in Covington and he sees him almost everyday and spends most weekends with him. The mother of the child has been mostly absent in both their lives until recently and is now trying to get back with Mxxxx (her current relationship isn't working out). So Mxxxx took me out in the wilderness to climb, drink, and talk about his problems. We've been friends for the last 24 years and this was actually one of the first times we have really opened up like this. Ok, before you think this is going to become a Broke Back Mountain kinda of story, I have tell you there is a point! lol in the midst of me helping him with his problems of course this gave me a lot of opportunity to reflect on my own. You see Sxxxx, i have fallen for you really, really hard. I feel like I'm so comfortable around you that it's just crazy! But at the same time I remeber what you used to say back when we met, about how all of this is pointless (or something to that effect.) Now, you may have changed your mind since then, but I think that notion is still stuck in my head. not to sound cliche, but you are on a major rebound right now. Everything in my heart says that I should just stick with it and see where it goes, but I think I have to play it smart for my own sake. I mean, I haven't been in anything resembling a relationship in over 9 months for reason and it's because i don't want to feel the way I did when my heart was broken anytime soon. I feel like I can't compete with you and xxxx's 11 year history together and when the excitement you have now with me wears down, what's going to happen? My last GF would sometimes go back to her ex when things went sour. I don't see how this will be much different. I'm just being a major wussy right now, I'm very careful with where i put my heart since it just got pieced back together. Most people will say after they get hurt that they get stronger, well I think i'm just the opposite. I know your friends were giving you the advice that you should play the field, and as much as the thought of that makes me sad, i think it would be the best for you if you want to be able know what you waht you really feel. I'm not trying to get rid of you, i just want to know if this is real or just a fling. I do care about you and think about you much more than a normal person that just met another person should I'm going to call you tonight, I'm sorry for being so distant lately.... (BTW this email was unedited so sorry if it doesn't make any sense.)
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