What do most of you out there think about married men going to strip clubs?

[Miss Jane]

I've posted before in response to other people's posts on this topic. What I've been wondering is how many men vs how many women think going to strip clubs is acceptable for married men. After my husband went to a club I didn't think much of it--okay, so "that's what guys do". But I can't help but think that it's in some way inappropriate and getting private lap dances and "etc"? I can't imagine anyone's wife really doesn't mind, but has more of less resigned to the the societal opinion that it is acceptable behavior. Trust me, I'm far from being "provincial", but my husband being in an intimate proximity, in a "private" area, with any other women, naked, for sexual entertainment. . . seems inappropriate to me. My husband has gone out of his way to prove to me that ALL MEN DO THIS. Although he did admit that most of their wives don't know ("hello"--why can't they tell their wives? That right there tells me that they know they are doing something that they shouldn't). I only found out when one of his friends slipped the info about the lap dances in front of me one night.

 

Okay, so he says he wouldn't mind if I did it, but has anyone been to a male strip show? It's nothing like a gentlemen's club. And where do you even find one anymore? I was at one once for a bachelor party about 23 years ago--I was married at the time (about a year) and there was no private entertainment of any kind going on. I don't think women even have the availability of this venue even if we wanted to. Certainly not compared to the number of gentlemen's clubs. So the closest thing I can think of is going to a bar/club and flirting with guys. Is this wrong? At least I'm not going in some dark secluded corner with them while they are naked and simulating sex acts in my face--whether touching or not. My husband says it's not the same thing. Why not? What would be a female equivalent? I've been married 24 years now. I have no lack of sex life with my husband. But the thought of him having been alone with another naked women with her breasts in his face just seems like "cheating" to me. Plus, of course, she was like 30 years younger then me--the same age as our daughter--just another sore point with me. Does this not seem inappropriate to anyone out there?

 

Any thoughts? Anything???

[quankanne]

am totally against it, because my thought is that when you marry/decide to be in a monogamous relationship, you give up that kind of crap to focus on y'alls relationship, not continue to get your kicks on the side. Even if you've convinced yourself that you just want to see if the girls "have learned any new dance moves." There's something about those places that suggests an intimacy between patron and performer, even if it's the girls *only* dancing.

 

sorry, guys, but you give up your privilege to see nekkid girls shake their thing when you tell your women that you are interested in forging a commitment with them. While it's very normal (and healthy) to look at the opposite sex, I draw the line at you actively pursuing chances to get an eyeful ... or lap full!

[Scottdmw]

I don't know the true statistics, but I haven't been to a strip club for 10 years and I'm single. I'm pretty sure most of my friends don't go either at least not more than the rare trip because someone else wants to go for a bachelor party or something. It's hardly 99% that go. I don't really think it's a good (healthy) idea for any man, but certainly not married.

[quankanne]

you are a rarity, Scott, because most guys would insist it's not about the need to see nekkid women shake their thing, but the fact that they shouldn't be expected to give up that privilege. To a degree I get that, but I still think there's a very distinct line between feeding personal desires and doing right by the relationship. You really shouldn't expect to have both when they're go against each other, IMO

[Mustang Sally]

Honestly?

I think anyone that needs to go to strip clubs (married or not) is pretty lame.

 

But I'm a female, so what do I know about it, anyway?

[Karyyk]

I've never been to a strip club, nor have I ever had any desire to. Just from a practical perspective, I'm not a fan of going to places that are designed to separate me from my money as quickly as possible (or at least when I'm getting nothing concrete in return...I'm not saying I'm cheap!). From an emotional perspective, sex and love are kind of inseparable, at least for me, so the whole thing seems very, very shallow. Besides, from the stories I hear from friends that do frequent them, it's often far from glamorous or titillating.

 

To answer the question, I don't think it's appropriate for a man in any relationship, dating or married. I like to let everyone call their own shots, so I'm not going to make a blanket statement for men who aren't in relationships, but it's inappropriate for me. I'll continue to pass...

[Jersey Shortie]

Miss Jane, if you see it as cheating, then it's cheating and your husband is going way beyond your comfort bounds.

 

I personally do not get all the men out there that actually have loving committed women that defend strip clubs. I especially love the arguments that he is just going because of his friends. No, he is going because he wants to go and he is blaming his friends so that he can not come off as the bad guy to you.

 

I also think there is something really demented about men 40+ going to these things, that have daughters the same age as the girls stripping. That would bother me as well. Right now I am in my 20's but it would be so very disheartened if the father of my children was going off to get sexually stimulated with girls old enough to be his daughter. You really need to talk about this with him. He is being completely insensitive and unfair to you.

 

It is natural for men to want to look at naked women. But it's not cool that they expect the woman they committed too to pay the price for it. They want their cake and to eat it too. Unfortunetly, that isn't the way to build your relationships stronger. It's plain selfish and broaderline mean.

[D-D]

I'm a 24 year old male and I have been to the strip club once and I don't think that I will ever go again. I was at a friends stag party which involved the usuall....a strip club. I debated going, but ultimately said yes as I knew my friend wanted me there.

 

I have to admit, I am a fairly conservative guy. I felt embarrassed and dirty being there. It was really uncomfortable sitting there drinking looking at naked women. I have no intentions of ever going back.

 

Just my opinion, but I don't think a married man should be going there, especially getting lapdances. If he is going there for a friends stag party or something, well that might be ok (provided he doesn't have a lap dance). But for him to be going often for no good reason when he is married seems really odd to me.