ajr555 Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I posted a few threads before. "My long term girlfriend moved out - I'm so Hurt & Sad". She moved out last Tuesday and since then has had no contact with me. I've dropped her either 1 e-mail or text simply saying "I love you, I miss you, your the most beautiful woman in the world". She'd always ask for reassurance. Yes she's bi polar, and I've thought long and hard about it. if your familiar with my story, I would have cut and run a long time ago. I want this woman to be my wife! No 2nd doubts in my mind. I'm not perfect and make mistakes, do have a lot of regrets. We had been together for 21 months. I'm 34, she's 29. We weee serious about getting engaged, I think she thought I moved too slow, and I did from when I promised her she would be getting a ring. Is it ok to text every day, every other day? I'm not calling, not AOL IMing to give her her space. I'm not into playing games. Still no contact from her in 6 days. When would you suggest calling? if so when? writing her an e-mail (Long letter)? I'd like to meet her for lunch, talk, and propose. Please, any advise will be greatly appreciated.
kizik Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 You already texted and called her. What did you get? No response. You need to stop contacting her, period, and salvage the remnants of dignity you still have.
wareagle Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Stop calling and texting her! You have gotten no reply from her, so it's clear she isn't ready to talk to you. Let her make the first move! Don't appear desperate and eager to text her.
kizik Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I'm going to use myself as an example here, and toot my own horn. My ex and I broke up 1 month ago. During the first few days, we were both guilty of ambivalence, insecurity about the decision, and bargaining. We were "hanging on." A week later, we had a conversation laden with emotion and, we were basically arguing again. I told her I'd talk to her later. She texted me later that night, I responded briefly. She called 5 days later. Had a 10 min. conversation that did not involve the relationship. Told her I'd talk to her later. It's been two weeks since that convo. Each day I've wanted to text or call her. She hasn't contacted me. It hurts so much. The thing is that I would be hurting EVEN MORE if I had contacted her and not gotten the response I wanted. She & I will prob. be friends again one day, but for now, even speaking is impossible (for me). I have dealt with this situation SO well that it's surprised even me. Not once did I say, "Baby, please" or "I love you." I did enough groveling DURING the relationship. As a result, I can hold my head high and say to myself that she f*cked up a good thing, and it's her loss. CaliGuy has helped me to realize that if someone doesn't want you... f*ck them.
v33 Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I know there is the temptation to think that your own situation is so unique, and to an extent is, however all of the break-up stories here are very similar so heed the advice given. DO NOT CONTACT HER ANYMORE. Certainly for your own well being, but ESPECIALLY if you want her back. Unless the break-up was caused by you neglecting her, NO-CONTACT is the only way to go. And even if she felt that you ignored her during the relationship, begging her to come back, telling you how much you love her and miss her is just going to drive her away at this point. Go into lockdown, do not email, text or call her, and get yourself out with your friends, hit the gym, get into your hobbies and complete absorb yourself in your in your own life. If and when she calls you do not respond right away. Be cool. Be calm. Post here.
joejoechen Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Dude, I can tell you from my experience, texting and emailing DO WORK, if you do it the right way. Don't blast them RIGHT AWAY, which you did. You see, now she thinks you're annoying, and you're not saving yourself a tiny bit of dignity. How would you expect your ex to be loving you again with this? Right? Man, I'm not trying to be harsh but you made things worse. And it's harder to turn back now, though there is still chances... Joe
systemic7 Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Sadly, I must concur with the general wisdom being expressed here. You tried to reach out to her, she didn't bite. That's all there is to it. You can try again in a couple of months from now, just with a friendly "checking in to see how you might be doing, take care" etc... but don't press your luck. Texting her to say you "love her" was probably a bit too strong of a message to send right after a break up, and so it's no doubt she hasn't replied. That said... ease up at this point, and just take it one day at a time from here on out.
Author ajr555 Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 I texted her a couple of times as she always needed reassurance that I loved her and when she'd go away, if I missed her, so that's what I did. Plus her grandfather has surgury. So I wished him well, that's all. I texted her Saturday morning "good morning to the most beautiful woman in the world. I love & miss you". no reply. I have not texted her in a day and a half. She's still on my AOL IM buddy list. She changed her mood on myspace from "Sad" to "Contemplating". What does that mean? I'm not calling her at all right now. giving her space. Do you think I should text her again in a few more days?
kizik Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 AJR, I think we all wasted our time. This latest post from you goes to show you haven't listened to us at all. If you want answers - re-read everything we all f*cking wrote to you.
Exl Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Dude, I can tell you from my experience, texting and emailing DO WORK, if you do it the right way. Don't blast them RIGHT AWAY, which you did. Now here's a contradictory opinion I can see your point but you could develop it for example for our clingiest/most desperate members. Start a thread like "If you can't handle NC, best ways to stay in touch without sounding like a fool".
systemic7 Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Do you think I should text her again in a few more days? NO! For the love of god man, give it some time. You are going to dash any chance of this working in the future if you continue at your rate of constantly trying to stay in touch after the break up, if you haven't already. You have my condolences, you really do, but you need to take a more level headed approach to this. Give her space, give it time. You have made the efforts, let it stand at that, and if she doesn't contact you I'd say give it a few months and try with a more general out reach at that point. If that doesn't work, then I'm afraid you are going to have to come to terms that the relationship just wasn't meant to be.
Exl Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 NO! For the love of god man, give it some time. You are going to dash any chance of this working in the future if you continue at your rate of constantly trying to stay in touch after the break up, if you haven't already. Despite my previous offshoot reply which had nothing to do with AJR's situation, I do agree with the general opinion. You're trying TOO hard. You're sounding too clingy and desperate. And you'll just crash and burn that way. I'm sorry! PS: This thread just became really lively in a few minutes
serendip Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I texted her a couple of times as she always needed reassurance that I loved her and when she'd go away, if I missed her, so that's what I did. Plus her grandfather has surgury. So I wished him well, that's all. I texted her Saturday morning "good morning to the most beautiful woman in the world. I love & miss you". no reply. I have not texted her in a day and a half. She's still on my AOL IM buddy list. She changed her mood on myspace from "Sad" to "Contemplating". What does that mean? I'm not calling her at all right now. giving her space. Do you think I should text her again in a few more days? Are you bi-polar too? Don't text her...she hasn't reply to you at all and you want to text her again. Don't contact her at all...only reply to her
justaman99 Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 She changed her mood on myspace from "Sad" to "Contemplating". What does that mean? Who knows what it could mean but just give her space to figure things out on her own. You can't force her to think a certain way and if you push push push there is a greater chance of suffocating her and confusing her. Let her deal with it solo. Don't do anything but leave her be and respect her space. RESPECT is key. -Just
LikeCharlotte Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Who knows what it could mean but just give her space to figure things out on her own. You can't force her to think a certain way and if you push push push there is a greater chance of suffocating her and confusing her. Let her deal with it solo. Don't do anything but leave her be and respect her space. RESPECT is key. -JustJust is right. If you really love someone you will respect their needs as well. It is going to be hard but just wait. Let her "contemplate". Let her breathe and see what happens. You have already tried to reach out to her and her actions tell me that shes not ready yet. Also a proposal at this point is really to much. You need to step back a bit and see what develops. Give her a chance to decide what she really wants. Try not to expect anything either way.
Author ajr555 Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 someone asked if I was bi polar. the answer is NO. I was/am a sane man. I will leave it alone and stop the texting, give it a little bit and see if she contacts me. I hope she does and wants to talk things out. God knows I'm not perfect, but I'm a very successful, loving, caring, honest, kindhearted man that only wants the best for her. She has her own problems w/ bi polar, alcohol, anarexia. she's living at her parents, and hopefully getting some help for her self as I truly want this woman to be my wife!
kizik Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 You're going to have to get rid of this hope if you're going to heal. Don't count on her getting better. People rarely change.
backto1 Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I know it's too terrible to even contemplate right now but try and read my post with your brain only - leave the heart out of this one for a second. One day you're going to meet a new girl who is positive, confident and affectionate and healthy. You're going to look back at your old relationship through TOTALLY different eyes. It's not going to look like the fairy tale your heart keeps trying to convince you it was. You'll smile and remember the good times and maybe wish that she could have been just a little bit different...but you'll know that she WAS different and it's too bad but she was the way she was. Then you'll look at your beautiful new girlfriend and thank god you've moved on.
Author ajr555 Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 what do you know. She just sent me an AOL instant message. Asked how I was doing? said she was going through a tough time as well dealing with this. she asked to come over and pick up the rest of her belongings on Saturday. I told her yes. I asked if she would be up for meeting for a lunch or dinner later this week. She said it was too soon. She needs her space. I told her I would respect her decission and give her her space. She said she would contact me later in the week to set up a time to pick up her stuff. She was a polite/friendly, but short. thoughts?
backto1 Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Same way my ex was when she came to get the rest of her stuff. Polite but short. I also asked her about us talking more and she said she needed space to think. What she actually meant by those words was "sorry, I'm done forever. It was great while it lasted...see ya!"
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