wmrjw82 Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 So I got this lovely girl's number yesterday. I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly she said yes without hesitation when i asked her out to a dinner or movie sometime. This girl I thought was way out of my league, gorgeous and is headed to medical school. Anyways... I texted her that night because she said she is a "text nut" and likes to communicate that way. Well, I asked her out for the dinner and movie thing for tonight, but she said she had to work till 8 and was going to a ball game afterwards. She didn't make a follow up date so I just replied with I understand and just to have her let me know a convient time to get together. Maybe i'm reading too much into it but it was kind of disheartening that she didn't make a follow up time she'd like to see me. Especially since she seemed so pleased to actually get my number. At the same time, I don't want to come across as too pushy so should I just let her make the next move and contact me? After all, she seemed extremely excited about me getting her number, perhaps she was just busy or something... anyways....I REALLY like this girl and I don't want to mess it up. Advice?
forrest Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 bro, shes in med school. I have a close friend who is going to med school, and I am pretty sure he wont have time for anything, much less sleeping and eating. Shes probably just really busy. Maybe give her a few days and then text her nonchalantly with something like "hey, I am going to xxx, would you like to join me?"
Author wmrjw82 Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 bro, shes in med school. I have a close friend who is going to med school, and I am pretty sure he wont have time for anything, much less sleeping and eating. Shes probably just really busy. Maybe give her a few days and then text her nonchalantly with something like "hey, I am going to xxx, would you like to join me?" no she's not in med school, she's trying to get in. I should have clarified that. She just works at a doctor's office right now for experience.
fishtaco Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 You did the right thing. When she said no, you asked her to tell you when it would be a good time, then just leave it at that. If she's interested, she will find a way to contact you, even if her cell phone exploded. The ball is in her court. Don't use her "excitement" as a measuring stick to predict what she's thinking. In fact, don't use anything to predict what a woman will decide to do next. I mean you could go on three spectacular dates with her, felt an extreme connection like you knew each other in a past life, and ended up with the most fantastic sex ever, then she could still disappear after that without a word. If that hasn't happened to you yet, don't worry, it will. Not only do men and women communicate using different signals, this set of "signals" is different even amongst women. So don't even bother. It's impossible. What you have to do now is to have plan A, plan B, plan C...etc to cover all the bases, since you can't predict which way things will go. So assuming she calls you back and says yes... easy, set a time, go on a date. That's plan A. What if she calls you back but just chat about random stuff but never mention the date? What if she never calls you? You have to be prepared for all these possibilities. I would assume she's an uninterested platonic friend unless she calls back and agrees to a date. What does that mean? That means you go out and try to get a date with someone else starting now. If both girls say yes, do some juggling - having too many options is a good problem to have. If not, you didn't waste anytime waiting for her. If she contacts you but isn't interested in a date, you can stay friends with her and hit on her friends. And occasionally, as a bonus, they'll change their mind after they see you hitting up on other women, so staying friends is also another way to keep her at the right distance (Important note: but this only works if you play this game right. If you're just pretending to hit on other women to get her attention, then it'll back fire -- you'll just appear desperate, women want you when you're not interested, so you really have to lose interest in her and is focused on someone else to pull this off).
sid3 Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 OP you just got what is probably the most spot on advice your likely to get here. Fish's advice is the money.
sortofconfused Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 imgonna have to disagree with everybody else, i say you CALL her and just act real nonchalant and make some small talk in order to gauge her interest.
Tomcat33 Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 imgonna have to disagree with everybody else, i say you CALL her and just act real nonchalant and make some small talk in order to gauge her interest. Me too! You would be INSANE not to call her back, you MOST definitely call/text her back and ask her out again. Girls usually wait for the guy to ask even if you put it out there that you want to see her again and she didn't respond today you persist, that is what women expect you to do. If she turns you down then you know but you have all the signs she is happy to hear from you so go for it. And oh my god plan A B C and D!?!? A date with someone else!?? LOL she was busy ONE night and you are being told to kick her to the curb already? NO NO NO!!! No way forget the games it will get you NOWHERE AND FAST. Just call her again you have nothing to lose. My god some of the advice that is given here is as if people were planning a major attack on another country or something. It's just a date and there is no point in all this strategizing when all it takes is ONE call and you will know the anwer either way, she will be interested or not. no amount of plans A B C OR XYZ is going to ensure the outcome of a date but asking will. Women like to be pursued. I am a woman if a guy asked me out and I had plans and I might not suggest another time to see him again ESPECIALLY if I were really interested, I would wait and see if he asked me out again. end of story.
Jilly Bean Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 imgonna have to disagree with everybody else, i say you CALL her and just act real nonchalant and make some small talk in order to gauge her interest. TOTALLY would not do this, NOR would I want a guy to. She gave you her number, said she wanted to go out, you asked her out, and she said no with NO alternative options. Sounds like she likes to collect numbers and enjoy her texting lifestyle.
Tomcat33 Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 If you ask a girl out on the same day you are calling her chances are she will have plans, especially on a weekend not to mention he JUST got her number yesterday. Now she is made out to be as a brat who likes to collect numbers because she was busy on a sunday!?!? This place is so funny people get chastised for having a life now LOL Gees dating isn't a concentration camp it is supposed to be fun and laid back with out too much overanalizing and stratagizing going on the more you strategize the further you get from getting what you want, now isn't the time to develop strategies now is the time to see if she even wants to see you again. Call her again don't lose anymore sleep or thought over it
MJR Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Why not just text her with a "Hey you." and see what happens? If she doesn't respond then drop it. If she does, don't get sucked into a texting marathon. Drop a subtle hint by texting your phone number. If she doesn't call, forget the games and move on.
Author wmrjw82 Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 Thank you all for the great advice. It's hard to see what i'm really supposed to do in the situation when all sides seem to have valid points. I think I need to take a step back for a second and not jump to conclusions. I'm sure she was busy because honestly, from her reaction of when I asked her out originally, she honestly didn't hesitate or anything. It was YES. Right away. Best feeling i've had in awhile. I guess I also left out this part. I told her "oh by the way... my name is _____"....she replied with, "i know.. i know you're address too. (and then proceeded to smile).... it wasn't creepy it was the fact that she obviously had been waiting for me to ask her out. I'm almost positive. I will definitely ask her out again sometime this week, but I might hold off a day or two just to see if she contacts me because of this latest set back. She's incredibly beautiful and obviously smart, but I have to keep in mind that there are always other fish out in the sea and she is NOT out of my league. Thank you again for this feedback you don't know how much it means to me. Hopefully things work out... and i'll keep you posted. One last question, she made it clear to me that she likes to text. If she doesn't contact me in the next couple of days should i stick to the text or call? Really i know i'm picking hairs here, but if she likes to text it might just be more comfortable for both of us
MJR Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 One last question, she made it clear to me that she likes to text. If she doesn't contact me in the next couple of days should i stick to the text or call? Really i know i'm picking hairs here, but if she likes to text it might just be more comfortable for both of us Do you want a girlfriend or a pen pal? IMO, a little bit of texting is fine when it's brief, fun, flirtatious, cute and/or used to initiate other forms of contact, but text conversations do very little to evoke or evolve chemistry. You've got to be real for that to develop further.... sights, sounds, smells! Get real. Literally.
Tomcat33 Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Do you want a girlfriend or a pen pal? IMO, a little bit of texting is fine when it's brief, fun, flirtatious, cute and/or used to initiate other forms of contact, but text conversations do very little to evoke or evolve chemistry. You've got to be real for that to develop further.... sights, sounds, smells! Get real. Literally. I was going to say the same thing, ditch the texting pick up the phone and call her, texts fall into an abyss of nothingness, she may love to text but do you really have time to waste for her to sort through all her texts to get to yours? I don't think you would... you sound to cool for that.
moonlight fragments Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I agree to the not-texting part. It is too easy to forget about someone you just text with. There is nothing concrete in it. You can write, change, delete.. make youself out to be whatever you want them to think you are. At least with phone calls you can judge the sound of a persons voice. You can tell if a person is smiling or not. And if they do not have the time to commit to a phone call, its a pretty big indication you should take it as a wonderful memory. And be happy with that.
Parker43 Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 u should definately make a initiative for this opportunity u hve got !! n be cool n calm n please do not exagerrate or u will mess up the relationship !!! be genuine n ethical n wat u say n wat u do !!!! olso wat u percept !!!
D-D Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I've never asked a girl out by text messaging and I never will. Texts are impersonal and it is hard to judge a person's true meaning. Picking up the phone and talking with them is a much more direct and personal way to engage a person (2nd only to asking in person). Plus, if you had called her you could have simply asked when a convenient time was for her. She would have been forced to provide an answer, not leave you hanging waiting for a text reply. I realize she said she likes texts, but she probably wouldn't mind a phone call too!
stouffa Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Txt'n just seems easier nowadays it actually gives the other person time to either Bull**** you with an excuse or agree to meet, and it doesnt put anyone on the spot. I guess this goes different for everyone
fishtaco Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 And oh my god plan A B C and D!?!? A date with someone else!?? LOL she was busy ONE night and you are being told to kick her to the curb already? NO NO NO!!! No way forget the games it will get you NOWHERE AND FAST. Just call her again you have nothing to lose. Um.. the plan A, B, C isn't rocket science. In fact I already listed it out in one internet post. Basically, just don't assume anything and be prepared. Plus, I didn't say kick her to the curb. So the OP asks out a second girl, that doesn't mean the first girl is out of the picture. If she calls back, hey, it's back on. Like I said, having options is a good problem to have. Read Jilly Bean's post here: TOTALLY would not do this, NOR would I want a guy to. She gave you her number, said she wanted to go out, you asked her out, and she said no with NO alternative options. Sounds like she likes to collect numbers and enjoy her texting lifestyle. Thank you Jilly Bean. And from a woman too. If the girl is really interested, she would offer AN ALTERNATE option. My suggestion at least keeps her as a future possibility should she calls back, just in case she sucks at dating. Keep bugging her? That's called stalking. I guess sometimes it does work, you could annoy a woman until she goes out on a date with you. If you consider that pursuing. The best way to pursue a woman is to make her pursue you.
Taramere Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Maybe i'm reading too much into it but it was kind of disheartening that she didn't make a follow up time she'd like to see me. Especially since she seemed so pleased to actually get my number. At the same time, I don't want to come across as too pushy so should I just let her make the next move and contact me? After all, she seemed extremely excited about me getting her number, perhaps she was just busy or something... anyways....I REALLY like this girl and I don't want to mess it up. Advice? I can see that that would be disheartening. We all like to analyse things like this for clear answers ("if A does this then that means X - end of story). From what you've described, she's shown interest - but now you're getting conflicting messages. It's possible that you just caught her at a bad time, or she wasn't expecting you to call quite so quickly....but as far as calling her again goes, I think you already left her with the message to let you know when it was convenient for her to meet up. In essence saying "okay - your turn to pursue me." Nothing wrong with that, but if she doesn't pursue you then it makes it that bit more difficult for you to call her again. There's a certain loss of face involved. On the other hand, when we like someone a lot we'll tend to tolerate a bit more in the way of face-losing. If she likes you or has moderate interest in you (which is still flattering at this early stage, bearing in mind that women often take a longer period of time to develop strong interest), a week should be long enough for her to regret not making a counter-offer to the date. In which case she'd probably be more flatteringly receptive to another call from you. If, on the other hand, she turns you down again - and again doesn't make a counter-offer, then I think you'll know that regardless of her apparent initial interest in you, the situation isn't worth pursuing further.
t_veron Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Sounds like you did most things right so far. The only part I didn't like is telling her to let you know when it's convenient for her. You read it right she didn't counter-offer another time so that a definite sign she's not that into you as you think. Her agenda might be to collect many numbers to constantly have attention even with guys they're not interested in as a way to drive the guys they are interested in nuts by keeping them guessing why they're always busy. Gives them control of the relationship. She's playing games with you bro that I will bet on. How interested she is in you is probably a lot lower than you think but possibly enough to give this a chance. She sounds like a good talker and player because she's got experience. Next move is hers and if you wait long enough (2-3 weeks) I would bet that you will get a text from her. Women use texting and IM to find out everything they need to know about a you without actually seeing you. That saves them time and not having to get physical with you. They rarely become interested in you without face time. So avoid texting and IM unless it's very short and to set up another date or just a simple how's it going. Don't play her game and don't give in. You can wait a couple weeks and call her again and ask her out giving her a weeks notice on the date. That should be the last time you ever call her if she says no again. If she sees you're not following her around like all the other little boys she'll come to you. When she thinks you're hooked she'll resort back to her playing games. DO NOT believe anything she says only judge her actions which tell you what you need to know. Someone interested in YOU will NOT play games and will be consistant in their actions.
Krytie TV Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I REALLY like this girl and I don't want to mess it up. Advice? Well, you act according to what you want. If you want to find someone who doesn't screw and follow some game plan, then call her if you want to date her. If you want someone who plays the "dating game", then you should plan strategically how you are going to proceed. But, as my two cents, people who endeavor for careers such as medicine and other highly demanding careers (with some exceptions), have a willingness to put career ahead of interpersonal relationships. Add to this that she prefers texting to other forms of communication, you could probably expect to feel like you're dealing with a cold fish at times.
Author wmrjw82 Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 **UPDATE** Well, i decided to call her at this afternoon on my lunch break, got her voice mail and casually left a message to see if she wanted to go out friday night. LoL... well.... I got a txt message back that stated "i'm sorry i haven't been in touch i have a loaner phone because mine is being fixed. i'm going out of town friday for my cousins wedding until sunday" I replied that it was cool and to have fun at the wedding. Again, no follow up, nothing. Oh well... i'm not making anymore attempts. I could have swore she was into me and i'm really confused by all of this but that's just my luck. Some gorgeous, smart girl seems geniuely interested in me and then reality hits...lol. If she wants to do anything in the future she will have to contact me, because i'm THAT worth it. I won't hold my breathe though.....lol. DATING SUCKS!
Krytie TV Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Good man. Just remember what you say here on Monday when you want to call her. You've done all you can.
fishtaco Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Sorry bro, but that's how it is. BTW, it has nothing to do with the fact that she's gorgeous and smart. You could have some ugly dumb girl that would reject you, and some other gorgeous smart girl that would think you're the best thing since sliced bread. Being able to establish the "connection" is actually kind of random, so you just have to keep trying until you hit one. It's kind of like this. At the very basics, imagine every girl has a secret number between 1-20. You have a secret number as well. If your number happens to be the same, it's a match!!, regardless of what type of person she is. But you don't know until you go through the process of dating. So you see why it's important to keep trying and keep finding out "secret numbers" (date them) from as many girls as you possibly can. And you can't get stuck on a girl that has the wrong number, because you'll just be wasting your time. Of course in practice it's more complicated, there are games you can play to increase your chances, she could have reasons to choose someone that's not her number, or not choose someone that's her number... etc. For example some damaged women will choose men that are abusive over you, no matter how compatible you two are. But the fact is the same - you keep trying until you find a match, and don't let any single girl delay your search. So you tried it with this girl and it didn't work. I wouldn't have tried the 2nd call, but at least you did it gracefully so no harm done. Now go get another girl, or two, or three. Now you see why you should have been hitting up on other girls all this time, any time or effort you spent on her were basically wasted. Now imagine she calls you back next week and wants a date, it really makes no difference if you were hitting up on other women all this time or not, you schedule a time with her and you go. So the best of both worlds would be to keep trying, and go on as many dates with as many different women as possible, until you get into an exclusive relationship.
SpikeyChick Posted June 3, 2008 Posted June 3, 2008 Maybe i'm reading too much into it but it was kind of disheartening that she didn't make a follow up time she'd like to see me. Especially since she seemed so pleased to actually get my number. At the same time, I don't want to come across as too pushy so should I just let her make the next move and contact me? ? For Pete's sake -what is it with you young men. Have you lost your Ooomph ? Go after her with lust and vigor. Women love bold confident men who pursue them . There are NO guarantees in the dating game except to say that you will always lose the girl IF you do not try. She did not make a counter offer because she is shy/ lacks confidence/ has not made up her mind about you / believes that it is the MANS job -?? Who knows. The first few weeks are murder - lots of bad commiunication and conflicting schedules and misunderstandings - PUSH through it all my man. Use CONFIDENT PERSISTENCE without sounding or acting desperate. How ? Use HUMOR..yep make her laugh.Tickle her with some corny or even lame texts. Women LOVE communication of any sort. Then ACT - set up a date and do not allow her any wiggle room to flake. Set the time and place and fix all the details in stone. Good hunting..
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