GuttedEnglishBloke Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 I've read this forum with interest over the last few weeks and it's helped me immensely. As a result, I thought I'd add my story. G/f of 5 years, we loved each other completely until about two years ago. Libido problems gradually changed into resentment. She changed her pill two years ago and we didn't realise what the implications would be. Her libido disappeared overnight. This caused endless arguments. Neither of us realised what the cause was. She gained weight, began to hate herself and blamed me. I tried my hardest, she was very high maintenance, but I treated her like a princess regardless. Eventually it became too much for me and I gave up. Eventually, holding hands and kissing didn't happen. The resentment and the arguments became more frequent. I kept trying, we came back from a great holiday and she told me two days later that she'd met someone else, although it wasn't serious. Knowing that trust is a crucial part of a relationship, I said we should split. One week later, I (stupidly) went into her email account and read that she was completely in love with this other person. They'd only met one week previously. I'm 36, she's 26, he's 21. I'm devasated. Have gone n/c for two weeks. Only contacted her twice since we split 5 weeks ago. She never got in touch. Can understand why we split, wish I could've changed it. Can't understand why she never got in touch though. It's like 5 years never happened. I miss her so much, but realise we couldn't have gone on. Why then does it hurt so much? Thanks for reading this. It helps that there's so many others going through the same thing, even though you're all so far away!
northstar1 Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 I've read this forum with interest over the last few weeks and it's helped me immensely. As a result, I thought I'd add my story. G/f of 5 years, we loved each other completely until about two years ago. Libido problems gradually changed into resentment. She changed her pill two years ago and we didn't realise what the implications would be. Her libido disappeared overnight. This caused endless arguments. Neither of us realised what the cause was. She gained weight, began to hate herself and blamed me. I tried my hardest, she was very high maintenance, but I treated her like a princess regardless. Eventually it became too much for me and I gave up. Eventually, holding hands and kissing didn't happen. The resentment and the arguments became more frequent. I kept trying, we came back from a great holiday and she told me two days later that she'd met someone else, although it wasn't serious. Knowing that trust is a crucial part of a relationship, I said we should split. One week later, I (stupidly) went into her email account and read that she was completely in love with this other person. They'd only met one week previously. I'm 36, she's 26, he's 21. I'm devasated. Have gone n/c for two weeks. Only contacted her twice since we split 5 weeks ago. She never got in touch. Can understand why we split, wish I could've changed it. Can't understand why she never got in touch though. It's like 5 years never happened. I miss her so much, but realise we couldn't have gone on. Why then does it hurt so much? Thanks for reading this. It helps that there's so many others going through the same thing, even though you're all so far away! Hey mate - thanks for joining the boards and telling us your story - I think you'll find this board very helpful - lots of people with good advice, who are or have gone through painful breakups I'm sure reading the emails was a double edged sword - you found out more of the truth - but also with a lot of pain by doing that. I'm sure the NC is hard - but just take one day at a time.
Exl Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 a lot of similarities with my story (and probably many other people's). the age difference, the getting distant / libido down overnight and almost no affection. It takes it's toll. The only difference is that she told you about him and that's a good thing. I never found out if anything happened between my girl and some other bloke I know she met. No matter how much I asked she wouldn't tell me and even got annoyed at me for asking as if i didn't have anything to do with it. That hurts much more. We've broken up 3 weeks ago (supposedly for "space") and I haven't heard from her since nor had any reply to any of my 2-3 texts in the meantime. I'm the kind of person that can't handle NC very well, no matter how hard i try. The very few things I've heard about her is that she's been going out at night and getting wasted so I guess she's more busy enjoying her "space" rather than thinking of me or on our "on-hold" relationship, even though we supposedly have an agreement not to get involved with anyone until we reaccess the situation in two months. After so much distance, she already was probably mentally prepared for a breakup I never was (therefore when we met again to talk a few days ago she wasn't willing to get back together even though she was sorry, but was well prepared with a "space" suggestion) - noticed the problem quite immediatly and tried to work on it but it was like trying to help/talk to a wall. Gave up after about 1 year in that situation and am currently doing all i can to handle it. Girls can be tricky at times. They'll make your own mind and you'll just be the spectator in the way they ruin or improve their own lives and there's nothing you can do about it. If the come to themselves, it'll either be too late or not. But that depends on you and on your self-esteem and how much bull**** you're willing to take. And you shouldn't take any. Just be honest to yourself, above all. Whatever will be, will be. Don't think about her. Or at least try. Good luck.
Template Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 What you are going through is completely normal. You just need time to heal dude. Go out and meet people, experience new things, and make your life a better life. You are in the right place, as many people are here to help you out. Don't ever feel that you have to hold anything in. If you need to say something, say it. Let it all out. It'll help the healing process. Eventually you'll find it's almost useless to try to find out why she did what she did. Sure it might have started with the drugs. But the truth is, her mindset in your relationship started ending a lot longer ago than the week before she met someone new. While you were trying to hold on, she was trying to let go; and when she found A reason, she did. A woman's mind will and always will be a mystery. You'll be alright... keep strong.
Bright Shadow Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 she was very high maintenance, but I treated her like a princess regardless. Eventually it became too much for me and I gave up. A couple of things here. Firstly, treating her like a princess regardless of what she does is a bad idea. You needed to set some boundaries early on, making certain that she knew overstepping them would lead to you exiting the relationship. There has to be things a man won't tolerate. When the sex was dying, you should have backed away. And if you give up, you need to end it. Don't just let things drift. Allowing things to remain unhappy means that you're potentially stopping 4 people being happy in 2 new relationships. http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12036
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