shakenandstirred Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 DON'T tell him.. this was a one-mistake stupid thing.. so just forget about it.. stop drinking.. just go on with your life.. we all do stupid things.. no big deal. All secrets are not good to tell.. in some cases, silence is best! Women like you are why men decide to become chauvinistic jerks..Most men don't need any help, but advice like this will only fuel their fire
Lizzie60 Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 No..no.. don't listen to people who tell you to tell ... it's not always the right thing to do... it was a mistake .. now time to move on.. I've done mistakes and I never told.. big deal.. I completely forgot about it.. it didn't eat me alive.. come on people.. relax.. she didn't kill anyone.. geeezzzz....
shakenandstirred Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 No..no.. don't listen to people who tell you to tell ... it's not always the right thing to do... it was a mistake .. now time to move on.. I've done mistakes and I never told.. big deal.. I completely forgot about it.. it didn't eat me alive.. come on people.. relax.. she didn't kill anyone.. geeezzzz.... This coming from a woman who probably isn't in a committed relationship
Author cloudeight Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 I haven't decided yet what to do. I don't WANT to tell him, but I doubt anyone ever really wants to. I just feel horrible and especially because it wasn't like I email/talk/text ANYTHING this guy or any other guy. I have been with my boyfriend for years, I love him more than anything I have no interest in any side relationships. I didn't have a relationship with this guy, there was no emotion attached. I was drunk and horny and my boyfriend had decided not to come spend the weekend with me. For pity's sake, I made out with a girl! I just can't believe my actions last night!!!! I probably will end up telling him about this. I just don't know how. And the distance makes it worse. You can't work on regaining trust when you tell your boyfriend you cheated on him over the phone!
Author cloudeight Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 I have to ask, you say your relationship is distant? In the sense it's a long distance R, or you two are just distant from eachother emotionally? We have been in a long distant relationship for years. It has gotten a little better where I see him almost every weekend. He isn't big on sharing his emotions where I am a very emotional girl so I wouldn't agree or disagree with the we are distant emotionally statement...
Ariadne Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 I know he deserves to know. I just can't bring myself to tell him. You'll tell him when you are ready. Just relax now, at least you had some fun.
shakenandstirred Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 Don't tell him over the phone. too much distance. He may try to get revenge. You need to do it face to face. He is going to be livid. Let him vent. Answer his questions truthfully. Don't trickle out the truth. It was meaningless. Just drunken "i'm mad at my boyfriend" stuff. The alcohol lessened your inhibitions and you gave yourself permission to do something you regret.If he wants details, give them to him. Just tell him exactly what happened.
shakenandstirred Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 You'll tell him when you are ready. Just relax now, at least you had some fun. Doesn't sound like much fun to me. Sounds like she had the worst night of her life
Ariadne Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 Doesn't sound like much fun to me. Sounds like she had the worst night of her life Well, when she was making out maybe she had fun.
Author cloudeight Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 It may be weeks before I see him face to face again. We talk to each other on the phone 3-5 times a day. We are just the sort of couple that likes to call and make a joke or get the other person to smile and then hang up. I can't imagine going about our relationship like nothing happened for weeks and then when I do see him for our 2 day weekend together telling him about this. I really just have no idea what to do!!!!!
shakenandstirred Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 It may be weeks before I see him face to face again. We talk to each other on the phone 3-5 times a day. We are just the sort of couple that likes to call and make a joke or get the other person to smile and then hang up. I can't imagine going about our relationship like nothing happened for weeks and then when I do see him for our 2 day weekend together telling him about this. I really just have no idea what to do!!!!! Can you make a special trip to see him?
shakenandstirred Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 Well, when she was making out maybe she had fun. She wouldn't be here if it was fun
Author cloudeight Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 Doesn't sound like much fun to me. Sounds like she had the worst night of her life More like worse morning of my life. I'm hungover and trying to figure out how to explain to my boyfriend that I invited 3 people back to my apartment, made out with a girl in my living room to the point of turning on a guy (who lives with his girlfriend!!!!) enough that he took me off the girl and made out with me, the girl and the other guy left for a drive and then started to have sex in the other room but both realized we have morals (a little late yes) and stopped. literally made out, lifted up my dress, inserted penis... kissed 5-6 more times maybe pulled out and in twice and then rolled off each other straightened our clothes and he literally called his friends to get him and left. That is the honest story, I feel like it should be part of a soap opera. Even I don't believe it really happened.
Lizzie60 Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 Can you make a special trip to see him? WOW why would she do that? What's the rush to destroy her relationship? What's in it for YOU? Why do you pressure her to do such a stupid thing? I don't get it with people... some people just seem to get some type of sick pleasure to see other people destroying their relationship..
Author cloudeight Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 Can you make a special trip to see him? not really. i have work and so does he and we are over 100 miles apart.
Angels&Airwaves Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 DON'T tell him.. this was a one-mistake stupid thing.. so just forget about it.. stop drinking.. just go on with your life.. we all do stupid things.. no big deal. All secrets are not good to tell.. in some cases, silence is best! I can't believe what I'm reading here. I just hope you never have to go through the trials and tribulations of being cheated on and then lied to. Her boyfriend has a right to know what she has done.
Author cloudeight Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 More like worse morning of my life. I'm hungover and trying to figure out how to explain to my boyfriend that I invited 3 people back to my apartment, made out with a girl in my living room to the point of turning on a guy (who lives with his girlfriend!!!!) enough that he took me off the girl and made out with me, the girl and the other guy left for a drive and then started to have sex in the other room but both realized we have morals (a little late yes) and stopped. literally made out, lifted up my dress, inserted penis... kissed 5-6 more times maybe pulled out and in twice and then rolled off each other straightened our clothes and he literally called his friends to get him and left. That is the honest story, I feel like it should be part of a soap opera. Even I don't believe it really happened. I just re-read this AGAIN. Really? this really happened??? I just can't imagine trying to explain this to anyone. And then saying it was because I am a horny drunk that was bitter that you were not here with me and that our relationship isn't moving at the speed I would like it to. Seriously, I sound crazy.
spookie Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 Here's the thing. Depending on what sort of person you are, by keeping this inside, you might ruin things anyway. If I were in your situation (I have been) every time my bf would do something nice, I would just feel horrible about having been able to betray him like that. Keeping a secret of that magnitude can really wear you down. Did you have sex with that guy? Cheating is cheating, but I think your bf would be more likely to forgive if you didn't go that far. And even if you did... it might take some time, but people have overcome worse things. Suck it up and tell him. Just realize that for a couple of months, things will be rocky. It's how you two deal with the repurcissions that will make or break you. Alcohol, LDR, and other issues IMO are no excuse. If you can't handle your liquor, don't go to a bar with a bunch of strangers, alone.
shakenandstirred Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 WOW why would she do that? What's the rush to destroy her relationship? What's in it for YOU? Why do you pressure her to do such a stupid thing? I don't get it with people... some people just seem to get some type of sick pleasure to see other people destroying their relationship.. Nothing is in it for me..she didn't want to tell him over the phone. Your idea of destroying someone's life is different from mine..Yours is rooted in deceit and dishonesty. Mine is rooted in honesty. If being honest is destroying someones life (which I highly doubt) then crucify me, but I would rather someone be honest with me than make me out to be a fool. You on the other hand are always encouraging people to be dishonest. I'm glad that I don't really know you, because after reading your posts..I wouldn't want to
shakenandstirred Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 I just re-read this AGAIN. Really? this really happened??? I just can't imagine trying to explain this to anyone. And then saying it was because I am a horny drunk that was bitter that you were not here with me and that our relationship isn't moving at the speed I would like it to. Seriously, I sound crazy. Truth is stranger than fiction..and it hurts more, but it's welcomed. It's sounds crazy because you lost inhibitions. You wouldn't normally do this and I think your boyfriend knows this.
Nevermind Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 Here is a true story from a friend. She studies abroad for a year (still there), she met a guy at a bar, she was a little drunk, they kissed and made out. No sex. She went home. Sat on her bed. Got up, wrote her boyfriend an e-mail and told him that they needed to talk. She went to sleep, the next day she told him. They are still together. He forgave her, because she told him instantly. And she was really truly sorry. Said to me that it would have killed her to keep it inside. Their relationship is far from great, they have lots of issues, but trust isn't one of them. It is hard, but if you don't tell him, you are just ignoring his rights - just as you did with the cheating. Don't add insult to injury.
Author cloudeight Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 Truth is stranger than fiction..and it hurts more, but it's welcomed. It's sounds crazy because you lost inhibitions. You wouldn't normally do this and I think your boyfriend knows this. So you would believe this story if your girlfriend told you? I am still stuck at the fact that I made out with a girl! Which, to be quite honest, if that is all I had done would have been laughed off. I am an incredibly talented, intelligent woman this entire story and situation is completely uncharacteristic of me. I just can't imagine my boyfriend listening to this story and believing any of it!!
Nevermind Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 My ex cheated and lied. Which of the two hurt more? The lies. The cheating hurt, yes, but the lies made it worse. It shows that you have no respect for the other human being, nor empathy. If I could make him undo one of the things...the lies would be what I'd make undone. Just to give you an insight.
Author cloudeight Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 Here is a true story from a friend. She studies abroad for a year (still there), she met a guy at a bar, she was a little drunk, they kissed and made out. No sex. She went home. Sat on her bed. Got up, wrote her boyfriend an e-mail and told him that they needed to talk. She went to sleep, the next day she told him. They are still together. He forgave her, because she told him instantly. And she was really truly sorry. Said to me that it would have killed her to keep it inside. Their relationship is far from great, they have lots of issues, but trust isn't one of them. It is hard, but if you don't tell him, you are just ignoring his rights - just as you did with the cheating. Don't add insult to injury. I know I need to tell him. I am really a good person, I couldn't live with this between us. I just don't even know where to begin. Did you read the story of my evening? I am a straight down to earth girl. I am not a party girl, glitzy, I like to experiment kind of person. I'm freaking out over what I did. Not just the telling him about it part, but that I ACTUALLY did it. I just can't believe that, it was so stupid. How do I even begin???
shakenandstirred Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 So you would believe this story if your girlfriend told you? I am still stuck at the fact that I made out with a girl! Which, to be quite honest, if that is all I had done would have been laughed off. I am an incredibly talented, intelligent woman this entire story and situation is completely uncharacteristic of me. I just can't imagine my boyfriend listening to this story and believing any of it!! If she told me right away I would believe her.Especially if it is out of character for her. I would be hurt something fierce, but I would forgive her for her honesty. Trust me it will be rough gaining trust back, but if you love him you would be willing to do it. It makes it hard because of the distance. You two really need to work out how you can move together if you want to continue this relationship. Long distance relationships are very hard. Especially when something like this happens
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